Holy Day Calendar for 2004
Child Rearing? GTA
CHAPTER ONE Why We Have Delinquent Children
It is time we learned why, in only one generation, a nations youth went berserk! This will expose the real identity of the behind-the-scenes culprits, and will reveal how YOU can avoid the disease of delinquency striking your loved ones.
AMERICA stands alone as the leading nations in teenage crime. Our news agencies remind us constantly of horrifying atrocities committed by mere children, some of them fifteen years of age and younger.
Youth in Turmoil
High-ranking civil authorities are frankly worried. In a message on the State of the Union, a former President said:
"To help the States do a better job, we must strengthen their resources for preventing and dealing with juvenile delinquency. Is hall propose Federal legislation to assist the States in dealing with this nationwide problem."
Think of that! The greatest "Christian" nation that has ever existed - building hundreds of churches, sending missionaries abroad, translating the Bible into hundreds of foreign languages - and yet, a President found it necessary to ask for government aid in helping the States combat their growing problems in child crime.
Childish Pranks - or Real Crime?
Many high officials in this nations law enforcement agencies have been astounded at the lack of concern by the public over what they consider one of the greatest menaces to the future security of our nation. Judge Samuel S. Leibowitz, having presided over Brooklyns Kings County Court for more than fifteen years, in speaking out against the insistence of many that child crime is merely "childish pranks," answers:
"Horrible crimes - mere youngsters are now holdup men, armed with loaded guns, iron knuckles, switchblade knives, daggers; crimes such as muggings, rapes, home burglaries, felonious assaults, arson, dope peddling. I had a safecracker before me the other day who was barely eighteen years of age."
Stop and think! A change has taken place. Adults who used to smile at children plucking grapes from the neighbors vines, who were mildly used at accounts of watermelon-patch escapades are now faced with a generation of teenage criminals - committing gruesome atrocities of all descriptions!
From all parts of the United States comes the ghastly, sickening news of unmerciful viciousness committed by boys and girls barely in their teens - and younger.
What the Authorities Are Saying
The actual facts published by the FBI show an astounding increase in juvenile delinquency over the past years.
Mr. Hoover said:
"The nation can expect an appalling increase in the number of crimes that will be committed by teenagers in the years ahead unless the crime rate among juveniles can be lowered.
"Even the present number of juveniles, committing crime at the present rate, in the next 33 years - [and this was starting in 1953] - will commit 7.4 million automobile thefts, 15.8 million burglaries, 2 million robberies, 3 million aggravated assaults and 200,000 murders."
Read over those figures again- and - THINK! That means unless something is done - 200,000 people within the next generation are destined to lose their lives in horrifying violence and torture at the hands of teenagers!
"According to J. Edgar Hoover, Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation ... Between 1955 and 1960, arrests of young people 17 and under increased about twice as fast as did out total population in the 10-to-17 age group." (Weekly News Review May 14, 1962.)
"On the basis of reports received by the FBI from 1,586 American cities covering all types of arrests, we know that ... The arrests of juveniles under the age of eighteen increased 8.1 per cent over the previous year.
"Youths under eighteen ... were the subjects of 64.1 per cent of the arrests for auto theft, 49.9 per cent of those for burglary, and 48.5 per cent of those for larceny. This same age group accounted for 30.9 per cent of those arrested for receiving or possessing stolen property and 22.8 per cent of those arrested for robbery." (By J. Edgar Hoover, These Times, January, 1962).
Can the Law Stop It?
"Why?" asked many citizens, "cant the law put a stop to it?" The answer, coming from officials in law enforcement agencies, is surprising, even shocking.
Weak laws, with no force behind them, cannot be expected to change a basic lack in a disobedient child! Judge Samuel Leibowitz remarked, "... The whole thing is treated too casually ... These youngsters being turned loose time after time with hardly a slap on the wrist. Naturally, they can have nothing but contempt for a law and a system which has a backbone- no conviction of any sort - in it."
Because parents have been following the precepts of "child psychology" and "progressive education" based on the pragmatism of William James, they do not want children punished. And laws governing our school systems, forbid the physical punishing of a child in many states, giving the children a feeling of protection in their unco-operative attitudes. Teachers report that situations depicted by articles and by the movie called "Blackboard Jungle" are not rare isolated occurrences which seldom affect the school, but are the RULE IN MOST BIG CITY SCHOOLS TODAY!
In some of the schools, it is not safe for teachers to walk the hallways, except in pairs, for their own physical protection! Reported a high school teacher in San Diego, California, "I have heard several boys say in class that their one ambition is to "kill a cop, I have seen switch-blade knives in my room and have sent boys to the principals office with them." Juvenile authorities repeatedly tell of the attitudes of juveniles who, when brought into court, show utter contempt for constituted authority. Modern juvenile courts are often conducted in the utmost informality, with the court attendants prohibited from wearing uniforms, and the judge sitting behind the desk much the same as the clerk.
The thought behind this childish and ridiculous procedure is that the law enforcement agencies must avoid, at all costs, giving the youthful criminals any sense of "guilt" over their actions, and must avoid the possibility of giving them a "complex."
Remember, the law enters the picture only after the juvenile has been actually involved in some crime and apprehended - and since the methods of dealing with offenders are informal, slow, and lack teeth, the juveniles of today grow bolder in their disrespect for law, and are encouraged in their flouting of all the constituted authority of society.
Too often the teeth of the law enforcement agencies are extracted by the maudlin sentimentalists and "do-gooders" who would revoke the right of punishing criminals, and repeal the laws of capital punishment. Without realizing it, they are encouraging youthful lawlessness.
What Is a Delinquent?
What is a delinquent? Stop and think! A juvenile is only counted as a "delinquent" when he has actually run afoul of the law. These represent only a small portion of todays youth - but the actual and potential uncounted delinquents who have not yet run afoul of the law are an overwhelmingly larger portion. The greatest portion of all is the broad majority of our youth who disrespect authority, disobey their parents, defy their teachers and "get away" with many lawless acts, even though they are not detected or are not apprehended.
For every 10 known and counted delinquents there are 100,000 other children, who, while not necessarily becoming involved with law enforcement agencies, are not the decent, respectful, humble and obedient children their parents would like them to be.
In investigating the pressures of our modern-day society, lets realize these pressures are affecting all of our youth, and not just the select group who has been stigmatized as "juvenile delinquents."
Juvenile Delinquency Prophesied
In this second part, you will see the REAL CAUSE of
juvenile delinquency - the REASON for rebellious
JUST as it was in the Rome of old, the real enemy threatening our society is decadence WITHIN! We are rapidly becoming a nation of criminals, and we dont realize it. We cant build prisons fast enough! Each year sees a consecutive increase in major crimes committed in the Unites States. And, most frightening of all, is the dangerous trend among our youth. Three times as many criminals as college students exist in the United States. And, crime has grown greater proportionately than our population.
A Boston educator, Dr. Kvaraceus, said he was, "Not optimistic about this countrys chances of solving the problems of juvenile delinquency. The rate of increase in juvenile delinquency," he said, "is about three to four per cent higher than the rate of population increase in the seven to seventeen age bracket."
It stands absolutely proved the rise in crime cannot be attributed to mere rise in population!
There is more crime in the United States of America today than in any other nation now on the face of this earth, or than in any nation which has ever existed in the history of this world!
The Handwriting on the Wall!
And the rapid increase in crime, the decay from within was one of the five major reasons why the great Roman Empire fell. And your Bible foretold the collapse of this once great empire, hundreds of years before it happened!
The Apostle Paul, looking on beyond his day into the present twentieth century, wrote:
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS, unthankful, unholy .... lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a FORM of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away!" (II Tim. 3:1-5).
Paul said DISOBEDIENCE TO PARENTS would be one of the major problems of our day! And it is. This prophecy has come true.
Juvenile Delinquency Was Prophesied!
The pagan philosophers of Rome "did not like to retain God in their knowledge," but, rather, professing themselves to be wise, recorded the wanderings of their darkened minds through the labyrinths of ethereal hypotheses which have since been praised by a gullible world as "wisdom." However, God says of them:
"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are no convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whispers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS ..." (Rom. 1:28-32).
God places the breaking of the fifth commandment - "Honor thy father and thy mother" - on the same par with any of the other commandments! Your Bible says disobedience to parents is punishable by death, the same penalty as for murder! Notice it! "...disobedient to parents ... they which commit such things are worthy of death ..."
Isaiah prophesied, by the Holy Spirit of God, that our society would be literally turned upside down.
"As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths" (Isa. 3:12). Notice it again!
God said "DISOBEDIENCE TO PARENTS" would highlight our age!
The Pressures of Society
But what are the real CAUSES behind youthful rebellion? Why are little children growing up today disrespectful of their parents, disobedient, haughty, and, in some cases, headed toward a life of crime? There have been myriads of reasons given, and voluminous material has been written about juvenile delinquency. However, has there been any real solution? Has the problem been solved?
No-rather than a lessening of the problem, it grows steadily WORSE!
But what really CAUSES this frightening rise in crime? What is the real reason?
Is there a conspiracy to keep from your understanding the real causes for teen age crime? Is there a reason why your children are not as obedient as you would want them be?
Yes, there is a reason! There are many sickening, deplorable reasons. They are the pressures of a society gone berserk, which was prophesied to become "lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God!"
Every individual personality is merely the sum total of all the other influences, experiences, other personalities and the environment with which he has come in contact. We are all a product of our society. And, statistics prove, we have become a lawless, rebellious, crime-ridden people!" ...for the land is full of bloody crimes, and the city is full of violence" (Ezek. 7:23). Our SOCIETY is delinquent! That is the one BIG REASON!
Our endtime society is bent on self-satisfaction! The Apostle Paul said men would be "lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God." Nothing seems to characterize our present society more than the thrill-seeking, pleasure-mad binge of a fat, indolent nation bloating on its own prosperity, and seemingly "too busy" in its mad race for pleasure to be concerned about the children it engenders.
An undisciplined home, disagreeing parents bent on their own self-satisfaction, upside-down homes where mother wears the pants, broken homes - none of these can be expected to produce obedient, happy children.
FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, charged that delinquent parents are largely to blame for the "growing menace of youth crime," in a caustically-worded editorial in the F.B.Is law enforcement bulletin. Hoover noted that the public only things of criminals who lead youngsters into thievery and immoral activities as "corrupters of youth."
"In truth," said the bachelor F.B.I boss, "large segments of the adult population are also among the guilty."
This direct statement by the leading law enforcement officer of our nation, the head of one of the most effective and respected police organizations on the face of this earth, places the blame squarely on "large segments" of the adult population!
In this statement quoted here from the Cheyenne, Wyoming, Wyoming State Tribune for March 11, 1959, Mr. Hoover went on:
"Countless adults escape the stigma, although by their negligence, indifference, personal greed and bad example they are in fact responsible in large measure for juvenile criminality."
It is time we examine the insipid teachings of modern child psychologists who have "substituted indulgence for discipline."
It has often been said the very foundation of any society is its basic institution, the family. No nation can survive unless its family life is healthy, happy and morally stable. Godfrey Sperling, Jr., Staff Correspondent of the Christian Science Monitor mentioned in February, 1957:
"Since 1944 ... divorces granted in the United States have averaged more than 400,000 annually - by far the highest divorce rate in the world.
"Our proportion of divorces to marriages is six times that of Canada and three and one-half times that of France.
...In 1953, 31,980 marriage licenses were issued in Los Angeles County while 15,688 divorces were final."
Think of it - America leads the world in divorces! At the same time, America leads the world in child crime! There is a definite relationship between the two. Broken homes and divorce are not the ONLY cause of juvenile delinquency. But they are a major contributing factor! Mr. Sperling went on to say:
"Many of these children, emotionally disrupted by the deprivation of the influence and security of a normal home life, drift into mischief. Records of the juvenile courts, Cook County and the boys court. Chicago, indicate that approximately 80 per cent of their cases are traceable to broken homes, and are no exception to the rule."
Notice it! There is a direct relationship between Americas tremendous divorce rate and juvenile delinquency!
But what most fail to realize is that divorce is only the final climax of destruction to a family already in its death throes for quite a long time.
The amazing truth is for every actual divorce, there are many legal separations, estrangements, or homes where husband and wife are living together in the same house, but living apart, as virtual strangers. In addition, the countless homes where disrespect, selfishness, anger, and out-and-out brawls are the rule are practically ignored by most in a perusal of the statistics concerning juvenile delinquency.
Upside-down Family Life
Happiness in marriage seems almost nonexistent! DIVORCE
is sensationalized in the lives of motion picture "stars"
and TV actors - taken casually for granted as a
convenient "out" for failing marriages. Here is what
YOU can do about marital unhappiness!
AMERICA, it seems, is living - literally, the "life of Riley" - and laughing about it! The many husband-wife combinations, and the "family groups" that are presented to the gullible public through the glaring one-eyed monster of television, or from the glamorous movie screens, or from the colorful comic strips, are well represented by "Blondie and Dagwood," "Dottie," "Major Hoople," "Maggie and Jiggs," "Moon Mullins," "The Life of Riley," "Dennis the Menace," and a host of others.
Our Laughable Home Life
Think for a moment of these examples. Some of them have been characterized in both television and the movies, but all are well-known and very popular comic strip characters. Usually, the dolt playing the part of the husband foolishly appears in his shuffling, bumbling, ignorant role as the brunt of every joke. Incapable, or else undesirous of earning a living, he may either be an unshaven, uncouth "hen-pecked" type, such as "William" in "Moon Mullins" strip, or he may be the young, struggling, incapable, inefficient and frightfully stupid "white-collar worker" such as the "Horace" in "Dottie," or the "Dagwood" in the "Blondie" strip. Nearly always, the poor brute of a husband is scolded by his wife, impugned by his children, shouted at by his boss, and ridiculed by his mother-in-law. This common "American husband" has become the source of tongue-in-cheek amusement from the growing children of today. They see his position as titular, but not the actual, head of the household, dismissed because of his utter unworthiness, and gleefully read the accounts of how his own children "put it over on Dad" and make him appear to be a fool.
On the other hand, the women of the family is nearly always pictured as the crisp, efficient, business-like manager of the household affairs, who studiously maintains a martyred expression of pain over the antics of her incapable spouse. She silences him with a word, sends him off to work with a pat, awakens him from the couch so she can sweep under him, or drags him home by the ear as he strays into the neighborhood bar for a poker game. She busily settles every problem, manages the finances, and quiets the protesting and somewhat effeminate voice of "hubby" with a sharp look.
These common-place situations are enacted before the amazingly naive American eyes through many different media of entertainment - and are the real state of affairs IN MULTIPLIED THOUSANDS OF HOMES TODAY!
The United States Senate, deeply concerned over the rise in juvenile delinquency and its causes, heard Judge Samuel S. Leibowitz contend that Americas family life "has gone to pot." Judge Leibowitz told the committee that the children in Soviet Russia regard it as an honor to go to school and quoted authorities as saying many students in our country can hardly read or write. He pointed out that family life in America has changed greatly in the past 25 to 30 years. Such incidents as a pupil assaulting a teacher just didnt happen a quarter of a century ago, he contended.
"Weve been drifting away from God, from family life ... There has been a deterioration in the moral climate of our country. We countenance a philosophy of permissiveness. It is shocking ... while we have the highest standard of living we at the same time have the highest crime and juvenile delinquency rate, and one marriage of three ends on the rocks - in the divorce courts." (Clipping, United Press Release.)
Think of it! Americans chuckle over breakfast toast and coffee at the "humor" of comic strip families, and imitate in their own homes the situations that their Creator calls an ABOMINATION!
Most of us have become so steeped in our own traditions, our own customs, that we have allowed our minds to become DRUGGED to the real law that regulate and guide a happy marriage.
Broken Laws - Upset Families
God says we have forgotten His laws. It will come as a shock to most to even realize there are definite LAWS which regulate marriage!
Americans, Britons and the people of all nations have broken Gods laws regarding family life (Rom. 3:23). God says of us, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge. I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the LAW of thy God, I will also forget thy children" (Hos. 4:6).
GOD is the One Who instituted marriage in the first place. He is the One Who gave laws to regulate that union, so man and woman could live together in real, deep-down happiness and joy! God is the Creator. God "created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" (Gen. 1:27). At creation, Almighty God saw it was not good for a man to be alone, but created a woman as a wife for him! God "blessed them," and God said unto them. "Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it" (Gen. 1:28). God said, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Gen. 2:24).
Since God invented marriage, it is Almighty God who ought to know how marriages should work, is it not? God set down certain laws and rules which regulate marital happiness. Man does not want to live Gods way. Rather, God shows us that "the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be" (Rom. 8:7). Our normal, natural minds are hostile toward God and His laws! The chances are, you are going to be by nature quite hostile toward many of Gods laws as they are revealed to you. That, is, if you have a carnal mind.
For some reason, Gods laws seem to be bad to most. We would rather hold to the way of human tradition, to go the way that seems to be so right to us - to live way of modern society and the others around us, than to go Gods way, and live according to the laws He has set in motion. God knew this would happen - and said, "There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death" (Prov. 14:12; 16:25). Our way seems to be right to us- its the way we want to go, the way of society, the way of self. But Almighty God says that way is going to lead to death!
Human beings have been trying to govern themselves for nearly 6,000 years without interference from their Creator - following that which seems to be RIGHT to them! All of our present-day turmoil, crime, and marital unhappiness come from the natural mistakes of mankind trying to live in the way which seems so good to him.
What we see around us, then, is the net results of mans natural-minded ways of living!
Look at it! A world filled with hatred, the threat of total war with the ultimate weapons which could literally bring an end to all mankind, disease, crime, marital misery and divorce, suffering and death. Mans way, which seems to GOOD to him, does end in death.
The First Marriage
In the first marriage God ever instituted, an over-all pattern began to form which has led mankind on an ever-increasing landslide toward his present-day dilemma. Notice, when God put Adam and Eve on this earth, He revealed to them the basic laws of marriage: "And they desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee," God had said to Eve (Gen. 3:16). The Creator had said, in His wisdom, that it was "not good that the man should be alone" and so declared He would "make him an help meet [fitting] for him" (Gen. 2:18).
God then set a way before Adam and Eve. They, like you, were free moral agents. God showed them the way to life, the way of happiness, and of abundance - but they chose the wrong way!
Here was the IDEAL marriage! They had everything "going" for them! Think how ideally suited they must have been for each other. No in-law problems, no troubles from past environment, different religious convictions, physical handicaps, mental disturbances. They were both in PERFECT physical health - the worlds most PERFECT physical specimens. Adam must have been the very epitome of masculinity, and Eve the apex of feminine beauty!
Adam had UNLIMITED job opportunities - was personally close to his Employer, had no debts, no fears of anyone getting his job. He had in short, tremendous security!
The two of them had what represents the worlds BEST START TOWARD A PERFECTLY SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!
And yet, in just a short while, Adam LOST his job, was expelled from his home! From being in absolute authority over is entire surroundings, being in an executive position, he was lowered to the rank of a failing, hard-scrabble dirt framer. The weather became his enemy - the very soil produced only weeds and thistles! EVERYTHING began going WRONG!
His marriage failed. He and his wife reared the worlds first juvenile delinquents!
They had to live to see their own beloved son MURDERED by his own brother!
The lived to see THOUSANDS of their offspring engaged in every FILTHY act, every bestial, depraved, evil, could deed imaginable (Gen. 6:5) until God actually had to destroy that whole race of people except for one family!
Why did such a successful beginning come to such a HORRIBLE end?
Because Adam and Eve broke the inexorable LAWS governing happy marriage. They broke at least FOUR of the great Ten Commandments directly, and all of them, indirectly! (Jas. 2:10-11). Adam began to relinquish his God-given position as HEAD OF THE HOME, allowing his WIFE to make the MOST IMPORTANT SINGLE DECISION OF THEIR ENTIRE LIVES!
Eve began to "wear the pants!"
"And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast breakened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground of thy sake" (Gen. 3:17).
God expressly let Adam realize he was being punished because he had allowed his wife to USURP his divinely appointed office and begin to lead him around! God did not exonerate Adam, and lay all the blame at the door of the woman, nor did He begin a "battle of the sexes" or unjustly accuse one party and not the other. God held Adam directly responsible! That very first marriage began a trend which has continued until this present day.
Gods Government in the Home
Just as God has set offices in His Church for rulership and government (Eph. 4:11), so He has set offices in the home! Most people are totally ignorant of the God-appointed chain of authority that exists in the family, and hence, are unconsciously reaping the results of breaking those appointed laws!
God says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the HEAD of the church: and he is the saviour of the body" (Eph. 5:23). And yet - most American women want the word "obey" taken out of the wedding ceremony! Just as most modern theologians want the word "obey" taken out of the entire Bible! God says the wife is to be subject to the husband just AS the Church is subject to Christ. Because most professing Christian men do not really consider themselves directly SUBJECT to Christ, Who is their present, living RULER, their BOSS, they cannot command the respect of their wives or bring them to see Gods authority vested in the man in the HOME!
God says further, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, AS UNTO THE LORD." How many wives are really WILLING to submit in Gods way to their husbands? Whether "modern" 20th century women like to admit it or not, God Almighty MADE them to be subject to a man - and has decreed they CANNOT FIND HAPPINESS WITHOUT THAT SUBMISSION!
Paul, inspired of Gods Holy Spirit, wrote: "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ: and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God" (I Cor. 11:3). Paul further explained that "the man is not OF the woman; but the woman OF the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman FOR THE MAN!"(I Cor. 11:8-9).
Gods example of holy women, who really knew the key to happiness, show this same truth. Peter writes, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (conduct) of the wives" (I Pet. 3:1). God describes the WAY these women lived, by showing the example of Sarah, who was Abrahams wife. "For after this manner (according to His divinely revealed ways) in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well" (I Pet. 3:5-6).
Any such glowing example of godly humility has become outdated and "old-fashioned" today. In other words - happiness for women has become outdated and "old-fashioned"!
The natural mind, remember, rebels against the authority of God (Rom. 8:7). The natural mind does what seems good to it! (Prov. 16:25). For the past 50 years, it has seemed good to Americans to allow women to usurp the God-appointed duty and responsibility of the man, and begin to assume the same office as the man. Lets take a statistical view of the results.
Women Outside the Home
The actual percentage of women who are working has doubled in 65 years, and now stands at over 22 million. Women now comprise almost one-third of the total employees in the United States! Further, one-half of all employed women are married!
There are four million U.S. women employed in factories, 835,000 women teachers in U.S. school systems, and fully two-thirds of all clerical workers are women.
Sixty-five per cent of U.S. women belong to at least one of the countless womens organizations dedicated to community service. These statistics were quoted in the December, 1956, issue of Life magazine.
The U.S. Childrens Bureau disclosed recently the shocking facts about children left to their own devices while their mothers work. The staggering number of nearly 400,000 children under twelve are left alone by working mothers. Of this number, approximately 138,000 of them are less than 10, said Mrs. Katherine B. Oettinger, chief of the bureau.
The issue of Life magazine went on to describe the changing roles in modern marriages. Increasingly, the sexes in this country are losing their identities. Mothers are becoming more masculine, and fathers are becoming more feminine!
And consider this:
" In many American marriages people seem to be content if they are not too miserable says Dr. Arthur Mandy, Baltimore psychiatrist. One basic reason for unhappy marriage is that women are becoming too aggressive, too competitive with men, he declares.
"The result is millions of women are frigid, and perhaps as many men impotent, he writes in the publication State of Mind.
"...Frigidity as we see it today is an outgrowth of womans running away from her biological destiny, which is to be a wife, mother and homemaker, Dr. Mandy writes.
"It reflects her refusal to take the role of passive home-maker. Instead, she is seeking gratification elsewhere by competing with men.
"Dr. Mandy says this is the final result of the so-called feminine emancipation movement when women decided their place no longer was in the home.
"They first asked the right to vote, he said, then to attend universities, to enter politics, to compete with men in jobs, including being scientists, pilots, soldiers. They found they could be financially independent.
"But few women can succeed in both holding a job and being wife and mother because this is not the destiny of women and because the job of caring for home and children takes 24 hours a day." (Peoria Journal Star, Sunday March 23,1958.)
Life went on to describe how women are becoming more and more aggressive, and men nor defensive. With fathers without any backbone or masculine leadership, is it any wonder the younger generations would rather imitate hoodlums, gangsters, and reform school "toughs"? It is evident, then, that the picture of upside-down homes presented by American cartoonists, novelists, and motion picture producers is only a manifestation of what is actually occurring in our family life.
These facts are not some kind of "religious ax-grinding," but stand proved from authoritative sources - and are well-known social factors in the United States!
A Battle of the Sexes?
What about the constant din from humorists and novelists who repeatedly chortle and chickle over the so-called "battle" of the sexes? Is there really some sort of unseen or unrealized struggle for supremacy going on between the tow sexes?
YES, THERE IS!
Americans particularly, and other nations to a lesser degree, LAUGH at this atrocious abomination that blights Gods chosen people! The "battle" of the sexes is just another humorous name for the same struggle Eve started in the Garden of Eden, of trying to rule over the man. It has brought only unhappiness and misery, wretched, twisted and broken homes, and a race for spineless males, who are too often ruled over by their wives, and ridiculed by their own children!
Remember Isaiahs frighteningly accurate prophecy, "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them" (Isa. 3:12).
Yes, there is an actual battle of the sexes - a struggle for supremacy in the home! And that "battle" is the outgrowth of the males 6000 - year search for sensual thrills and a way of life contrary to Gods inspired way, letting his wife "wear the pants" in the family.
Is It ALL One-Sided?
Does God, then, intend that womens necks be under a domineering yoke of bondage of just any kind of husband, regardless of his actions?
Not at all!
GOD HOLDS THE MAN - WHOM HE ORIGINALLY PLACED IN AUTHORITY ACCOUNTABLE, RESPONSIBLE!
Just as Jesus Christ is responsible for the well-being of the Church, He intends that the husband be the responsible head of his family! "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word" (Eph. 5:25-26). Christ gave Himself for the Church. Husbands are to love their wives in the same manner! "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself" (Verse 28).
Christ is the Protector, Provider and Ruler of His Church. So is the man to fulfill that office toward his wife. "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than infidel" (I Tim. 5:8). God demands of the husband that he be able to support and provide for his wife, and that he fulfill the great office and responsibility God has placed upon him.
Some Not Capable
Some men are not capable of assuming their God-given responsibility as head of the house! Because of lack of training from their own parents, and because society has gotten away from the way of God, men often do not, or cannot shoulder their responsibility.
Any husband who is a drunkard, or a man who will not support his wife, or who refuses to accept the position God has demanded he accept, has actually disqualified himself. Yet - that is between the man and God! It is NOT the place of the woman to bitterly indict the man for his sins, and then to assume HIS responsibility of being the breadwinner, the provider and protector of the home!
Many a woman has decided it is her OBLIGATION to step into the "pants" of the family, and become its HEAD because her husband either is not capable, or else refuses to accept that responsibility! Such is not the case! She can act as a humble partner, encouraging her husband to take over the reins of the home - but should never assume his responsibility! Some women are only too anxious to find some weakness in their husbands, or some reluctance lead and govern the home. Finding such weakness, some will immediately usurp the office of the husband, taking the lead. The sad truth is many husbands dont seem to care. The moment their wives begin to take up slack in the reins due to the husbands poor leadership - they meekly slide over - encouraging their wives to take the drivers seat.
Why are most men becoming more feminine, failing in their duties as fathers and husbands? Because they, too, have gotten out of their own element - into an unnatural element - trying to be a wife and a mother instead of the head of the home and a father! God says the man is to RULE his own house well! "One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)" (I Tim. 3:4-5).
God Almighty does not hold woman as RESPONSIBLE for the abominable situation existing today as He does man! Since the man is to be the HEAD of the family - god holds the responsible one to blame for the breaking of that principle!
Remember, God indicts the MAN when He says, "As for my people, CHILDREN are their oppressors, and women rule over them!" (Isa. 3:12).
It is not at all unusual for men to be doing such household chores as sweeping, dusting, washing dishes, cooking and preparing meals, and a myriad of other wifely chores which rightfully belong to the woman! OF COURSE, it is not wrong for the man to help out his wife if she becomes ill, or in a temporary circumstance! However, in anything other than an emergency, those tasks are womens tasks, and should be done by women!
What about YOUR home? Is it like many "modern" homes today?
It is not uncommon for men to do the shopping, to care for the children, or get the meals, while the wife is staying out late in the afternoon with her job, or perhaps taking part in one of the many thousands of womens civic organizations designed to make this world a "better" place to live! A lot of men are quivering, quaking spineless JELLYFISH instead of men, and its about time some of them WAKE UP AND REALIZE IT! Perhaps you have known of similar situations - or perchance you are LIVING in a similar situation!
What about it?
Perhaps now you are beginning to realize why there is so much unhappiness, emotional turbulence and ultimate DIVORCE in the common American home.
Perhaps now you are beginning to realize why so many parents seem to be unable to control their children, to receive from them to love and respect, and obedience which they so earnestly desire.
It is the result of our national way of life - the result of our having turned our homes upside down! It is that we are a generation of parental delinquents!
God intends that the husband and wife be partners; working together toward the only worthwhile goal in life - the Kingdom of God! Most people do not have that as a goal - but they could still be much happiness and they could have respectful, obedient children, if they observed Gods divinely ordained LAWS of marriage!
Marriage, it is said by most modern people, is a 50-50 proposition. That means each mate is to ideally "meet the other half-way" in his natural-minded selfishness. However, as is most usually the case, there develops an unclear idea as to where that "middle line actually is, and neither mate seems to be able to convince the other he or she is not meeting his or her side of the responsibility!
Endless arguments develop over the other doing HIS SHARE fully!
Lets understand - marriage is not a 50-50 proposition!
Almighty God, Who designed, planned and originated marriage, meant it to be a 100 per cent proposition! That means each partner will be willing to give all the way to the wife! That does not mean give up responsibility, or give up the position in which God has placed each partner! Rather, it means to do YOUR DUTY - all the way! It means to be 100 per cent RESPONSIBLE
1 if you are doing this, you will be giving 100 per cent in service, in love, in understanding to your mate! That kind of love and respect allows for a lot of "overlap"! There can be no question as to where the "middle line" of responsibility is in a marriage such as this.
Mankind has jerked love from its original place of perfect giving, and pointed it toward SELF, making it mean, in our modern language, a "getting" and a receiving instead of a giving! Love, as advertised in our movies, novels and comics, is all GET - pointed toward making the SELF happier!
BUT- if a husband and wife are REALLY in love, according to Gods definition of love (Who CREATED love!), they will be willing to each GIVE to the other!
If that were true, countless marriages that are threatening to break up and end in divorce at this very minute could be saved. But a total lack of consideration seems to be the rule - with the woman trying to be a man, and the man trying to play the docile role of a homemaker!
And God has said it is the mans responsibility. It is a crime for husband to shirk their responsibility, neglecting their families, refusing to support them, or to be their physical and spiritual leader.
Whether modern women realize it or not, it is a heinous CRIME against their husbands, and against their CREATOR for them to leave the home to WORK and support the family!
"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, KEEPERS AT HOME" - or, as some translations render it, "HOMEMAKERS" - "good, OBEDIENT TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS, THAT THE WORD OF GOD BE NOT BLASPHEMED!" (Tit. 2:4-5).
Did you notice it? Read it again! It is blasphemy against the sacred, inspired Word of God, which Word is going to JUDGE us in the judgment, for a woman to forsake her God-appointed office of being the KEEPER OF THE HOME! That is the thundering command of your Creator!
Possibly it will be difficult for you to realize that a tremendous key these principles of Gods Word place in your hands. Any parents who will learn these lessons, who will repent of their errors and mistakes in going contrary to Gods Government in the home - yes, any parents who will OBEY the Government of God, who will begin to set their home aright, and who will conduct their homes according to the divinely revealed and clearly stated laws of God - will start on the road toward having obedient children!
Regardless of how hard some parents may try to control their children - of the long hours of study they may spend in learning to properly teach and train them, if these principles of God are not followed in the home, all the rest will have been useless.
An upside-down home, with the wife working, the husband doing wifely chores, and each person pursuing his own selfish goals in a frantic search for entertainment, is a fertile spawning ground for juvenile delinquency, and for disrespectful, disobedient children.
The Truth About Corporal Punishment
HOW SHOULD your really train your children? WHO
IS THE AUTHORITY? Do the modern child psychologists
REALLY know the TRUTH about children?
IT IS NOW vitally necessary to get at the very roots of the modern theories about child rearing. We must see what is behind the "no-punishment theory, and find what are its results.
NATURAL Rebellion Against Authority
Just as there is resentment toward authority in the home, resentment toward authority on the part of young children, so there is great resentment toward any authority in religion! Notice what our professing Christian society is like today:
"There shall be false teachers among you ... and many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of. But chiefly them that ... DESPISE GOVERNMENT. Presumptuous are they, self-willed, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities!" (II Pet. 2:1-2, 10).
They keynote of our times is that dignities are stultified, their offices impugned. Children dont respect their parents. Parents dont respect each other. Vast segments of society dont respect the LAW - but want to repeal, annual, emasculate and tear down every last vestige of authoritative law enforcement!
It is this basic, underlying CONCEPT of hostility toward AUTHORITY, of belief that corporal punishment is WRONG that seems to pervade every nook and cranny of our diseased and decaying civilization.
Because this concept is one of the bases of the insipid, ridiculous theories of modern "child psychology" it must now be treated in no uncertain terms.
Why Psychologists Fear Corporal Punishment
With the ushering in of "progressive education," closely following the pragmatism of William James, a new school of "Thinkers" arose who promptly jumped the tracks of sanity, and have since remained derailed with their false theories. Since these prevailing false concepts are at the very root and core of much of todays confusion over child rearing, let us analyze a few of the more outstanding.
"Any kind of punishment either by means of words or force, or even mild reprimands on the subject, is extremely unwise," advises one foremost source, assuring gullible young parents they should never punish their children. "The chief danger of punishment is that it makes the child feel guilty - that he is bad, naughty. The child is likely to have a stronger feeling of guilt about his activity than about the other things he does. His ideas are vague and confused and his imagination vivid. He may build up pictures of the terrible things that will happen to him because of his naughtiness, thus sowing the seed of more fears and more anxieties, and increasing his emotional difficulties" (p. 391, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Notice that great stress is laid upon the supposition that punishment will make the child feel GUILTY - that he is "BAD" - naughty!
This "feeling," assure the child-psychologists, is extremely harmful, and will surely lead to many and terrible consequences!
Thus they denounce GOD ALMIGHTY, who gives them every breath of air they breathe! The Creator spends infinitely more space in His sacred word going into great detail about the frightful PUNISHMENTS to be inflicted in a God-rejecting, sin-filled world than He does in describing the rewards!
And - what is more important - God back up his word. HE DOES PUNISH!
But notice the insipid, ignorant depths to which this permissive society has sunk in its lawless doctrines of "do-as-you-please-ism."
"The ineffectiveness of corporal punishment has been repeatedly demonstrated. The punishing parent or teacher frequently forgets that he loves his child; he forgets it because something in the childs behavior has made him forget that the child loves him. Of the problem cases described by 100 teachers, not one was improved by whipping. School social workers frequently report that a childs emotional difficulties are aggravated by beatings at home ... Many parents have said The more I whip him the worse he gets." (P. 345, An Introduction to Child Study, Strang.)
Here, incomplete and partial information from "school social workers" is used to apparently "demonstrate" that corporal punishment is ineffective. Nothing is said of the method of punishment, the frequency with which it was done, whether it was consistent, or whether correct and thoughtful USE of punishment was being made. Rather, that punishment for the sake of punishment is supposedly wrong.
"The word punishment should not appear in our dictionaries except as an obsolete word, and I believe this should be just as true in the field of criminology as in that of child rearing. The parents object in rapping the child with a pencil is to get it to react in conformity with certain social usages - to behave itself. Why then should the parents ever be angry? Why should they ever punish in the old Biblical sense? Such things as beating and expiation of offenses, so common now in our schools and homes, in the church, in our criminal law, in our judicial procedure [published in 1928 - times have changed!], are relics of the Dark Ages."
Think of it!
This quotation, now seriously out-dated - has actually come true in part!
Recently, Attorney General Kennedy was lamenting the situations now spreading across the United States of criminals being exonerated from guilt by the courts after being caught red handed in committing a crime!
It is a proven FACT today that criminals, even after confessing freely to their guilt, have had such confessions "dismissed" as proper evidence by a conniving counsel for the defense - interested NOT in whether or not the man is really innocent or guilty, but merely in making a reputation for himself - because such confession was made before "arraignment."
The system of no punishment has taken hold!
The child psychologists have partially succeeded in their march against constituted authority! The RESULT is the appalling heart-wrenching, sickening stench of a mountain of crime, a cess-pool of sadism, a sewer of pornography and dope addiction, a gigantic, mounting rush toward complete anarchy!
But now, notice the incomplete, utterly ridiculous, UNWORKABLE ideas promoted by impractical theorists:
"The parents attitude should be positive, should be that of the instructor ... by surrounding the child constantly with objects that it has a right to work with. In this way forbidden objects come gradually to lose their stimulating value; the children cease to play with fire [that is, if they are still alive and your home is still intact], with matches [same comment], they stop turning gas jets on and off [that is, if they are still alive and your home has not been blown to bits, together with a dozen others in the block], picking up sharp knives and forks [that is, if they have not been so seriously cut or have fallen on one of the sharp instruments and are now dead], pulling over glass vases and bottles. But where the positive method of training does not make them let these objects alone, then gentle pencil rapping is a safe and sane procedure" (pp. 63-65, Psychological Care of Infant and Child, Watson).
Will this work?
Can you ACTUALLY WAIT for your own child to be "surrounded with objects it has a right to work with" so it will become interested in THEM, instead of running into a busy street pulling over heavy glass vases, turning on gas jets, playing with sharp knives? This would be SO LAUGHABLE, SO RIDICULOUS that it would be PAINFUL - if it werent so SERIOUSLY IN ERROR!
Of COURSE the child should be able to have constructive toys, and be surrounded with right objects. But this positive teaching CANNOT take the place of proper, loving, diligent PUNISHMENT to teach a child NOT to handle objects, or follow practices that will TAKE ITS LIFE!
Many child psychologists seem to have adopted the idea that parent-child relationships are as difficult and involved as international diplomacy. So many and varied are the suggestion on the tactful employment of modern psychology in the parents dealings with their children that one is thoroughly confused by the self-contradictions, the incomplete statements, and the unanswered questions in the dozens of volumes treating with the subject.
Another example of such contradictory partial information is:
"Punishment affects parent-child relations and teacher-child relations. A spanking which the child considers unrelated to the situation is likely to make him hostile to the person who administers it. It is better, whenever possible, to let the punishment fit the crime - to let the situation itself punish the child. Then the parent plays the friendly role. He give warnings. If the child persists in doing the thing, he will get hurt. The parent can by sympathetic, but reminds the child that he said it would hurt. The problem is much more difficult when the forbidden is rewarding, like running out into the street - an exciting excursion that many times may cause no harm, yet sometimes be fatal. But over a period of time the parent can build a relation based on rewarding experiences in which his advice was needed" (p. 221, An Introduction to Child Study, Strang).
Taken at face value, this advice "seems" to be relatively should. However, when looking more closely, so many are the errors and false concepts that this particular quotation must now be treated, and as a whole, will be enlarged upon further, a little later.
Re-read the first part of the last quotation.
It is sound. It makes sense. But notice again that even though it is admitted the problem is much more "difficult" when a child runs into the street - THIS eventually is not dealt with at all!
Because, having already committed himself to NO PUNISHMENT theories, this author wouldnt know how to keep a child from running into the street without tying him in the yard, keeping him in a pen or else PUNISHMENT!
Even after admitting this "excursion" may sometimes (there is NO PLURALITY INVOLVED IN THIS WORD) be FATAL, he offers NO suggestion for coping with the problem! Can you believe your eyes? I must admit, even though I knew child psychologists did have various "ideas" about dealing with children with methods other than corporal punishment - I was SHOCKED at the emptiness of some of their theories which I encountered in extensive research!
Society cannot seem to reconcile itself to the fact that love and punishment could possibly come from the same source! It is somehow beyond the realm of conceivability to the average carnal mind that there could be any LOVE involved in PUNISHMENT! Punishment is such a "nasty" word, that some child psychologists (as they already quoted) have even advocated its deletion from our dictionaries! Todays modern movements to rescind punishments, to abolish the death sentence for demented, brutal, sadistic murderers who themselves have inflicted torturous and horrifying death sentences on perhaps even DOZENS of helpless human beings, the desire of the average wife to have the word "obey" taken out of the marriage ceremony, and the vast, all-comprehensive movement of religionists to strip the pulpit of its power, rip laws and authority from the Bible, and throw discipline to the winds, may serve to illustrate the depths to which the roots of the antidiscipline weed have grown!
Notice again, from a very respected group of psychologists and child-behaviorists, how, because of certain abuses of right punishment - ALL punishment is assumed to be utterly wrong:
"Sometimes one sees a letter in a magazine or newspaper in which an individual or a group of parents recommends the indiscriminate use of corporal punishment with a cruelty and sadistic satisfaction that is frightening.
"Most parents, however, turn to this extreme as a last resort, and because they think that nothing else will work" (p. 365, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
The next quotation from the same authors serves graphically to illustrate the aforementioned principle of the basic inability to understand that love and punishment CAN come from the same source:
"It [corporal punishment] usually is the end step in a long course of happenings that has carried both parents and children away from positive feelings of love and understanding" (p. 365, 366, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Notice that the child psychologists view the use of corporal punishment as a complete breakdown in "parent-child relationship," something that is done only in anger, as a result of outside coercion, or of complete frustration on the part of an upset and helpless parent.
Abuses of Punishment Cause Criticism
The authors go on, in their abysmal miscalculation, to say:
"The childs failure to live up to what is expected of him, either by the school, or the family, or his parents, is a painful and bitter experience for the mother or father. They feel a deep sense of their own failure in their most important job. Angry and upset at themselves, as well as their children, they STRIKE OUT in the ONLY WAY THEY KNOW!" [Emphasis mine.]
This type of punishment is an ABUSE. It should never be done!
Frequently, sensational stories of thoughtless parental brutality have been emblazoned across the pages of Americas newspapers. "Father Beats Children to Death," "Mother Whips Six-Week-Old Baby," "Father Ties His Children in Woodshed - Leaves Them All Night!" and similar outrages have shocked and horrified the public. But - human beings are creatures of extremes! Like the constantly moving pendulum, they seem to swing from one opposite extreme to the other.
There have been certain terrible ABUSES of corporal punishment - misapplication and thoughtless use by parents who are punishing their children IN ANGER. There have been sensational stories of torments upon tiny tots by a few who are not proper disciplinarians and who are completely unequipped and ill-fitted to be parents. As a result of these extremes, the child psychologists and a whole field of "do gooders" have been convinced that ANY use of corporal punishment must, by its very nature, be WRONG!
Granted, there were, a few decades ago, many abuses in child discipline even in various schools, as well as in the homes. There are today. Seeing these abuses and malpractices by untrained and unskilled parents should not lead other parents to assume there is not a proper use for discipline. The child psychologists have, true to form, swung to the opposite extreme - and begun to advocate NO DISCIPLINE! Very recently, as a result of the surging increase in a world-wide wave of juvenile crime and lawlessness, law enforcement agencies, government officials, and even some few child psychologists have begun to advocate more and more discipline, more respect for authority, and the introduction of corporal punishment into some school systems! Taken in its right perspective, with its correct application, this is certainly a very good thing! However, let us hope it is not merely the swing of the pendulum back to another "extreme"!
The Imagined "Effects" of Corporal Punishment
Parents have been increasingly reluctant to punish their children because of the supposed "effects" which they have been told punishment engenders.
"Spanking seems the quick way of getting results but these usually take the shape of temporary conformance, not of growth in self-direction and self-control. Autocratic control usually produces one of two personalities: An oversubmissive child who does what he is told but shows no initiative, or the rebellious child who is constantly waging war against authority" (pp. 221-222, An Introduction to Child Study, Strang).
This is an untrue assumption. The RIGHT use of spanking does not produce an "oversubmissive child" who acts as an automaton, but guides and controls initiative, inventiveness and self-reliance. This argument, true to form of all arguments by a carnal world, throws the Holy, Inspired Word of God out the window - fearless going directly contrary to the eternal wisdom of God!
Notice the next example. Seeing ONLY the MISUSE of punishment by distraught, INCAPABLE parents, the author remarks:
"Some mothers are always nagging and scolding their children, yank them when they cross the street or get into buses, and slap them whenever they do something the mother doesnt like. These mothers may be tired and cross, but they do not understand that they make their children cross and irritable, too, and make things harder for themselves.
"If you let yourself go occasionally and slap or spank when you are excited or upset, it probably isnt too serious, provided your child is left with the feeling that he has been punished only for something he has done, and that you love him anyway" (pp. 366-367, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Here again, punishment is viewed as "letting oneself GO occasionally" or, in other words, losing ones temper! It is viewed as if the adult human being, in anger, were "getting back" at the child - and inflicting physical torment upon the child merely because the child has "bothered" the parent!
Again, seeing this misapplication of discipline, the child psychologists, imagining a number of terrible "effects" of spanking have been responsible for deeply etching the fear of the "unknown" in the minds of many young parents - assuring them their lovely little children may turn into perfectly horrible monsters, become demented, or develop harmful "complexes" as a result of spanking!
"But if you find that you are punishing and slapping repeatedly, you may be sure you are on the wrong track.
"Spanking may stop your child for the moment, but you dont know what else it may do [emphasis mine]. (the author of the book, not the webmaster)
It may make him angry and resentful, or humiliated and ashamed. Or he may become hardened and pay no attention to it; or just so afraid that he cant trust himself to do anything.
"None of these feelings help him learn what it was that did wrong, or how to act the next time."
OF COURSE - "feelings" dont help him learn the POSITIVE part! But notice how INCOMPLETE is this assumption! If amply warned first, and then punished in LOVE, accompanied by kind, patient POSITIVE TEACHING of the right as opposed to the wrong, this objection becomes worthless, as it later demonstrated.
"The best that can be said for spanking is that it sometimes clears the air. But it isnt worth the price, and it usually doesnt work!" [Emphasis mine] (p. 367, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
"Corporal punishment develops resentment and misunderstanding. It stresses what the child should not do rather than what the child should not do rather than what he should do. Produces fear, and makes him lose confidence in his parents. Intelligent parents rarely resort to corporal punishment ... An intelligent disciplinary method is the use of reasoning at the childs level of understanding. The more clearly can the desirable conduct be formulated" (pp. 452-453, Growing Superior Children Kuglemass).
To some authors, the whole meaning of the term "punishment" seems to revolve around blind, unreasoning BEATINGS inflicted by callused and indifferent parents in a fit of frenzied anger.
"The typical result of the whipping in childhood is either the servile, timorous individual, who usually is at one and the same time cringy and crafty, or the arrogant and objectionably self-assured person. Almost everyone who was beaten in his childhood has a tendency toward brutality."
Notice the employment of the terms "whipping" and "beaten" as being the obvious reason for "brutality." This author continued:
"Yet the method of corporal punishment continues to be employed, although its uselessness, absurdity, and downright harmfulness should be apparent to everyone. This mystery finds its explanation in the fact that it is mostly the whipped children, who, as parents, advocate the theory that whippings are indispensable. They believe they are following their good sense when they deal out blows, whereas actually they are following only a strange inner urge. They want to give their child a vivid and drastic demonstration of their own superiority; they fear that otherwise they will be unable to subdue his resistance; and they do not realize that the use of brute force plainly betrays an essential weakness that has no other resource at its disposal. Nor do they admit to themselves how much cowardice is implicit in such a procedure" (pp. 138-139, The Challenge of Parenthood, Drekurs).
Here is further proof of the swinging of the pendulum. Many child psychologists observing parents lashing out in anger, as a result of their own frustrations and tensions, have witnessed thoughtless misuse
of corporal punishment - often with serious and long-lasting consequences. On the premise that punishment, by its very nature, must come from the source of ANGER, BITTERNESS, HATRED, RESENTMENT, FRUSTRATION, TENSION, they label corporal punishment as "anything but good" for the child, and a word which should be deleted from our dictionaries!
So Youre Parents!
What IS a child? HOW does he learn? WHEN should
you BEGIN to teach him? These are some of the basic
fundamental questions of child rearing. In this chapter,
we are ready to begin understanding some of the beginning
principles of HOW to train your children
and when to begin.
"CONGRATULATIONS!" say all the friends, relatives and greeting cards to the beaming parents! And what a tremendous moment it is - brining a newborn child into the world - introducing him around!
And what a RESPONSIBILITY! Youthful couples, carefree and unencumbered, suddenly become aware of a GREAT RESPONSIBILITY! Lets begin to see just how great - and come to understand some of the most vital principles in sound child training!
A Plan of Action
Countless thousands of little babies are carried into homes where exists the naive assumption that all the knowledge and understanding necessary for the care and training of children has come to exist automatically be virtue of the arrival of the infant.
There are many mechanics, engineers, artists or musicians today who are competent in their fields merely because they had the tools, machinery or instruments near them as a part of their environment. Many mechanics are grown-up boys who began "tinkering" with machines and automobiles - learning by trial and error - taking them apart and seeing how they were put together again.
This, sad to say, is the identical type of training course pursued by most parents in the art of child training. Simply because the baby is near at hand, and is now a wanted or unwanted inheritance of the family, parents blithely assume the child will develop just as they desire.
"Competent parenthood is looked upon generally as a sort of magic endowment that makes study unnecessary. No grasp of the responsibilities and no vision of the great possibilities are considered essential when entering the career. Sometimes there is no special desire for children - merely a lucky accident ... No special though is given to new character problems that arise from day to day. No plan of action is outlined" (As the Twig is Bent, Hohman, p.2).
What, then, are the new parents to do? From all sides comes the hue and cry that the oldest profession on earth - that of rearing children - is facing abysmal failure. There are seemingly countless books on child study, child feeding and care, child training, child rearing, child psychology, and just about "child-everything!" The parents are assured that no one today really knows HOW to rear children properly. Where are they to turn? The books, articles, and other trivia dealing with the subject are confusing, to say the least.
And so - where does the parent turn to learn of this strange new life, this squirmy, wriggling, crying, giggling, tiny reproduction of themselves?
Observe a marvelous "mechanical brain." Here is a phenomenal machine, filled with thousands of miles of intricate wiring, complete with a complex panel so dizzying, so technical as to stupefy the average layman. However, in observing how this machine functions, a little of its outward looks, and watching one or two repair operations, one of the laymen takes it in his head to write a book advising other laymen exactly what this machine is all about!
But wait! Which would you rather read? The book written by the recent observer - or the manual published by the inventor and manufacturer?
Has no one ever thought of going to the INVENTOR of children? He is God!
"And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
"And God blessed them. Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth ..." (Gen. 1:26-28).
Yes, difficult though it seems to be for the most "modern" to accept the amazing truth that God is Creator - the existence and the work of the Divine Architect stand clearly proved! (Write for our free booklet, "Does God Eist?")
God did not leave His creation in the dark! He then "... commanded the man," (Gen. 2:16) giving him certain specific instructions on HOW to LIVE!
God gave to man a manual, a textbook, an instruction book on how the human machine works! Since God is its Creator and its Inventor, God is the One who knows exactly how it operates. God gave to man certain essential knowledge - which man could not have otherwise discovered for himself! The Bible, the inspired and holy word of God is the most BASIC of all books on the subject of how to rear children!
Men have not wanted to follow the manual of the Inventor - but have turned to the misknowledge of casual observers.
Just as two and two make four, so does the fact that todays colossal problems have been created by the poorly trained babies of yesterday!
Men have rejected this source, this revealed knowledge of how to live!
"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication ... murder, debate, deceit ... inventors of evil things, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS ...." (Rom. 1:28-30).
The logical, the inevitable and the most gigantic tidal wave of juvenile lawlessness and violence that has ever infected society since its dimmest recorded beginnings.
What is the best source for right knowledge about child training? The "manual of the Inventor" - the inspired word of God - your Bible!
What Is a Child?
This question is asked - and rightly deserves to be answered - simply because, by their actions, it seems many do not honestly know! All too often new born babies, and especially a first child, are treated as if they were "little green men from Mars!" is it any wonder? There seem to be more "rules" written about the squirming infant that can be pursued in the average life-time of a normal adult! "Do this!" or "Dont do that!" is heard from every side.
The newcomer arrives as a total stranger. According to usual procedures, the father has been allowed brief glimpses of his progeny through the double thick glass of the supposedly sterilized maternity ward in the hospital. But now he is home. All of a sudden, it seems, your entire home life is completely topsy-turvy. Every sigh, every chuckle, and especially every cry from the new arrival sends your little household into a veritable frenzy. There are bottles to be carefully sterilized (since most "moderns" think it quite old-fashioned, and possibly ruinous to the figure, to nurse their babies), formulas to be mixed, schedules to be met, diapers to be folded and carefully stacked, room temperatures to be checked, morning, noon and night-time feedings - and every time the child howls you are told with all authority he most certainly has the colic, and the chances are, the doctor should be called!
Sound ridiculous? But it isnt! It is all too often the normal procedure - the accepted routine in the arrival of a first child.
But lets clear the air - and come down to earth. Rather than treat the new arrival as something made of the most fragile glass, lets get a true perspective, and realize just what a child really IS!
First, he is a human being! He is an exact miniature copy of yourselves. He probably has, though it is sometimes undiscernible at such an early stage, your own looks, your very own nature, your voice, and some of your talents. However, he is also an individual with a mind definitely all his own. But exactly what IS the human self, this separate entity, this newborn child?
Lets go to the manual of the Inventor - the inspired word of God - and see what He says.
"What is man, that thou art mindful of him? And the son of man, that thou visitest him?
"For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and has crowned him with glory and honor" (Psalms 8:4, 5).
A new human life is made in the exact similitude of Divine Life! God said "Let us make man in Our image!" But so far God has made man merely a physical replica, and far from an exact copy of God in character!
"O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me ... for there is not a word in my tongue, but lo, O Lord, thou knowest it altogether...
"For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast knit me together [margin] in my mothers womb.
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
"My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
"Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which day by day [margin] were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them" (Psalms 139:1, 4, 13-16).
Yes, we are fearfully and wonderfully made! But now lets see a little about the nature of the tiny, infantile mind!
Babies Are Carnal!
The Apostle Paul reveals:
"Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be" (Rom. 8:7).
Jeremiah was inspired to write:
"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
"I the Lord search the hear, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings" (Jer. 17:9, 10).
Every little baby is born with carnal nature. Carnal means nothing more than physical, sensual, earthly nature! Carnal as opposed to spiritual! Fleshly, not yet begotten of Gods Holy Spirit!
Many dozens of scriptures in the Holy Bible explain this carnal nature as a mixture of good and evil, a nature of basic selfishness, of wanting to get for the self, rather than give to others.
Observe the perfect example of carnality in a young baby! The baby is totally incapable of any such thing as "thought" at just a few days of age. Yet it is already perfectly carnal! There is no "reasoning process" by which the baby simply decides to howl at 2 or 3 a.m.
If the father has had a very busy and nerve-racking day at the office, the mother has had to do an unusually large washing, clean house, tend the baby and prepare the meals, and both are very tired - the child is totally unable to think of, understand or comprehend any of these things.
The impulse of hunger, discomfort, lonesomeness, or the pain of an upset stomach is all that is necessary to launch the child on a yowling, howling tirade until it gets what it wants.
This is not stated here to say that it is wrong or unnecessary to ten to a baby when it cries at night, nor to see to its needs - but to illustrate the fact that we are all born with basic carnal nature, which thinks only of self.
On the other hand, one of the greatest blessings God ever promised some of His patriarchs was the blessing of children! Abraham, by faith, waited many years for a son! All of the promises which God gave to ancient Israel had to do with the begettal of healthy children! God says:
"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord!" (Psalms 113:9).
"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
"As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
"Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate" (Psalms 127:3-5).
Children are precious, priceless gifts from Almighty God to any parents!
What a pity that more parents today do not understand the REAL MIRACLE of childbirth, and give God thanks for ! a child is the sweetest, most lovely and beautiful, altogether most exciting and completely satisfying thing that can happen to a young married couple who are truly in love!
"Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways.
"For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
"Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plats round about thy table.
"Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord" (Psalms 128: 1-4).
What, then, is a child? A little baby is an exact reproduction of the two parents, a separate human being, who is a thoroughly selfish, altogether carnal and a completely lovable, laughable, sweet little creature that will steal your heart and your reason, bring you heartache and tears, exultation and pride, anxiety and worry, happiness and joy, but who will teach you the real meaning of the word "love."
Do Children OUTGROW Rebellion?
Should you EXPECT your children to be hateful, rebellious?
Is it merely a PHASE when children have temper tantrums,
shouting defiance at their parents? Read these SHOCKING
and UNBELIEVABLE quotations from the REAL CULPRITS
behind our mounting wave of child crime!
WE NEED to come to clearly see the false concepts behind the "no punishment" school of "child behaviorists."
The Mythical Phases of Childhood
Almost without fail, modern books available on child psychology will group children, according to various ages, into certain "PHASES" or "STAGES" of growth and development.
For a general view of these patterns, lets notice the following quotation:
"Our observations of child behavior have led us to believe that almost any kind of behavior you can think of ... develops by means of remarkably patterned and largely predictable stages.
"Knowledge of these growth stages can help you a good deal and in a great many ways. To begin with, it can give you an idea of what to expect" (pp. 3-4 , Child Behavior, Ilg & Ames).
Should You Expect Disobedience?
Lets notice the symptoms of some of these supposed "predictable stages."
"The eighteen-monthers walks down the one-way street, though this one-way street can be readily reversed. And this street more often than not seems to lead in a direction exactly opposite that which the adult has in mind. Asked to come here, dear he either stands still or runs in the opposite direction. (He any even like to walk backwards.) Ask him to put something in the wastebasket, and he is more likely to empty out what is already in it. Hold out your hand for the cup which he has just drained, he will drop it onto the floor. Give him a second sock to put on, and he will more likely than not remove the one which is already on his foot. His enjoyment of the opposite may be the reason why it works so well, if he is running away from you, to say bye-bye and walk away from him. Then he may come running. Not only does he not come when called - he seldom obeys any verbal command. No is his chief word" (p. 22, Child Behavior, Ilg & Ames).
To state the "eighteen-mother" does all these disobedient act simply by virtue of being 18-months old is a piteous display of idiocy!
The 18-month WILL do these things, ONLY if he has been left without any supervision, has never been left without any supervision, has never been trained, never been taught the MEANING of obedience, and has been turned out to "pasture" like any animal, rather than reared by his parents.
Lets really UNDERSTAND.
By having already carelessly ASSUMED any means of punishment or control over a child to be harmful, the child psychologists have laboriously catalogued the "behavior" patterns of children - by merely OBSERVING them.
They have, instead of TRAINING the children, seeing how positive methods of real teaching, instruction and discipline will work, merely "observed" the little children much in the same manner as watching monkeys in cages. They have busily made notes, and collected sage observations. As a result of these widespread "observations," the modern child psychologists have carefully documented certain definite PHASES in the actions of children.
Lets notice carefully, however, that these phases are merely the INEVITABLE reactions of UNtrained children, UNdisiplined children, who have been OBSERVED instead of trained! Ask a dog who has been TRAINED to "come here!" and it will OBEY! Give a horse a command when it has been TRAINED, and it will OBEY! But, assure the child behaviorists, you cannot expect such obedience from the infinitely more intelligent, far superior human mind!
My own 18-monthers, when asked to "Come here, dear!" - came here! When asked to put something in the wastebasket - they immediately put it in the wastebasket. When holding out my hand for the cups they had drained, they immediately gave there to me. Given a second sock, they always put it on!
Simply because they had been TAUGHT to do these things!
This entire quotation will be discussed later, revealing the really serious consequences which may be reaped by any family foolish enough to believe it.
Later, the authors of this particular work, in breaking down one of the supposed "stages" through which all children are to pass (with varying differences according to their own individuality) the authors state:
"Two and a half years: This is an age about which parents may need warning because so much that the child now does naturally, almost inevitably, is directly contrary to what his parents would like to have him do. The 21/2 - year-old is not, temperamentally, an easy, adaptable member of any social group.
"The change in behavior which takes place between two and two-and-one-half can be rather overwhelming, perhaps to the child as well as to the adults who surrounded him. Two-and-a-half is a peak age of disequilibrium. Parents often say that they cant do a thing with the child of this age ... First of all, two-and-a-half is rigid and inflexible. He wants exactly what he wants when he wants it. He cannot adapt, give in, wait a little while. Everything has to be done just so. Everything has to be in the right place he considers its proper place. For any domestic routine, he sets up a rigid sequence of events which must follow each other always in the same manner."
Here we are assured, the little, tiny toddling two-and-a-half-old human baby, who is totally carnal, entirely selfish, and yet a very sweet and lovable little reproduction of our own selves is just BOUND to act in this prescribed fashion - simply because he has reached one of the "steps" along the ladder of life- the "stage" at two-and-a-half years of age. Parents are assured this child CANNOT ADAPT! That means, if parents attempt to get him to "adapt" they may run the dire risks of "breaking his spirit," "giving him a complex," or any number of perfectly horrible results. Parents are assured the little two-and-a-half-year-old toddler cannot possibly "give in" or "wait awhile"! Therefore, the entire household, whether the father is a truck driver, lawyer, or the President of the United States completely revolves around, waits on, is ordered according to, adapted to, and adjusted to the CHILDISH WHIMS of a little toddling two-and-a-half-year-old baby!
Can such quotations really appear even credible? Isnt it even a little UNBELIEVABLE that adult human beings COULD POSSIBLY ADVOCATE such a heinous, monstrous, rotten, ABOMINATION in the sight of God?
What would a parent do if he had SERIOUSLY FOLLOWED these idiotic and spineless teachings in some of the following eventualities?
Suppose a little "eighteen-monther" was toddling off the curb, into the path of rumbling, swiftly-moving traffic! IF HE IS TO BE NORMALLY EXPECTED TO "RUN THE OTHER WAY," "IF YOU DONT DARE COMMAND HIM TO "COME HERE!" THEN WHAT ARE YOU TO DO?
"Second, he is extremely domineering and demanding. He must give the orders. He must make the decisions. If he decides, mummy do daddy cannot be accepted as a substitute. ... Two-and-a-half is an age of violent emotions. There is little modulation to the emotional life of the child at this age.
"Furthermore, it is an age of opposite extremes. ...Total all these characteristics together and you have a child who is not easy to deal with. Vigorous, enthusiastic, energetic, the typical two-and-a-half may be. But he is not an easy person to have around the house. However, mothers will find that great patience, a real understanding of the difficulties of the age and a willingness to use endless techniques to get around rigidities and rituals and stubbornness will help get through the time till the difficult two-and-a-half turns three" (pp. 25-27, Child Behavior, Ilg. & Ames).
Fantastic, isnt it? The little two-and-a-half-year-old is extremely domineering and demanding - and HE MUST GIVE THE ORDERS! HE must make the decisions for the family! IF HE DECIDES THAT HIS MOTHER SHOULD PERFORM SOME TASK FOR HIM, he will not accept "daddy" as a substitute! Thus, gullible parents are assured that these characteristics of a two-and-a-half-year-old child are just as sure, just as irrevocable as an approaching cold front out the North! There is nothing they can do about it - it just IS "that way"!
Then, supposedly, he advances to the stage of 4 years, where he likes to HIT, BITE, THROW ROCKS, BREAK TOYS and RUN AWAY! The 4-year-old, assured the doctor, is just NORMALLY expected to do these things - because, you see, he is four! He is not cowed by material threats, and does NOT FEAR threats of punishment, but is defiant and swaggering!
And then - the INCOMPREHENSIBLE suggestion is given by the learned doctor - that parents must use "firm" discipline." BUT WHAT KIND? How? And are RESULTS to be expected?
The doctor didnt say. But they ignorantly went on, "The 6-year-old often like to say Ill kill you, or I hate you." It is also, advises the doctor to bewildered parents, the age when he is most apt to CHEAT and STEAL!
But - THIS ISNT ALL!
By the time the child is 8, he is exuberant, expansive, cocky and rarely finishes anything he starts. At 9, he is independent and resists bossing, exploiting adults to get his own way, and uses neurotic excuses. At 10, he is suddenly "nice", said the doctor - but at eleven he is RUDE and ARGUMENTATIVE. The doctor warned sagely against making demands on any 11- year -old.
At 13, they like to be left alone, at 14 they are "noisy" said the doctor and at 15 they are "HARD BOILED" and practically secede from the family union.
But parents who are busily "SWEATING IT OUT" are advised not to fear these awesome gyrations, neurotic tendencies, demoniacal rages, psychotic behaviors, these fearsome crimes, enraged attacks, expressions of hatred and sudden disappearances of their growing progeny.
No - there will be a brighter day tomorrow! "And 16," said the doctor, "is really sweet 16." At last - according to this particular pediatrician, your children are happy, friendly, good tempered, self-assured and "realize that Mom and Dad have finally learned something in the past few months.
It would he, if it were not so piteous, so utterly shameful, and so terrifyingly DAMAGING to the eager, pliable, growing minds of our youth!
Isnt it almost a complete insult to the intelligence of any normal-minded human being to accept and believe, let alone attempt to "practice" such methods of "child observance" (since it certainly cannot he called "child rearing")?
Can you see? Can you really comprehend what is BEHIND this false concept?
The behaviorists have merely put together the carnal, natural REBELLION in a child with his obvious increased energies, co-ordination, scope of activity, increased motor facility, longer reach, and growth in all physical capacities.
OBVIOUSLY a REBELLIOUS, UNTRAINED child of FOUR will be getting into even MORE trouble than a rebellious child of ONE and ONE HALF! OBVIOUSLY the eighteen-monther, who is already REBELLIOUS, and has not had that rebellion driven from him, and who has NOW LEARNED TO RUN, will run from his parents commands! The child psychologists can very SAFELY predict these "behavior patterns" in untrained, rebellious, resentful, hostile, MONSTROUS little children who have never really known any authority!
Yes, lets really look at what weve read - lets really get PRACTICAL with it, and ask some truly basic questions. Isnt it pretty poor comfort to tell a parent with the little two-and-a-half-year-old already described that he should be willing to use "endless techniques" and develop "understanding" to help him survive the time until his little 21/2-year-old turns three?
Apparently, my on children were so ignorant of these "stages" through which they have been growing they forgot to express the characteristics that these "stages" should have demanded of them! At any rate, our children, at the "stage" of "two-and-a-half" never were domineering and demanding - they never tried to give orders - they never made the decisions - they were never given to temper tantrums - they were decidedly flexible and not at all RIGID. They were able to adapt to anything, they were able to give in constantly - in fact, several times a day, and they were able to wait - even days or months should that have been necessary! But there will be more of this later.
Stages of Growth
The child psychologists, observing the growth of hundreds of children, have quickly recognized there really are various "stages" through which children pass.
These phases represent increased motor activity, growing bodies, acquired skills, new means of expression and the widening horizons of all children!
OF COURSE there are "phases!" A rebellious child of 8 months may only wail and scream - finally sucking his thumb for comfort! The same child, still rebellious, may shout "No!" to every parental command and throw violent temper tantrums at age two!
But children are not caged beasts - to be "observed" as they grow. They are precious human lives capable of building real character and they must be trained!
NATURALLY, and undisciplined, unrestrained child is going to begin to shout "no!" to every command at along about the age of two! He will do this - not simply because he is "two" and is therefore going through a PHASE which demands this type of action, but because he has not been taught to respect and fear authority, and because his increased physical size, increased knowledge of the English language, his increased energy and vigor, COMBINED WITH his increased REBELLION asserts itself in this fashion! The same holds true for all of the theoretical "phases" of unbridled emotion, lack of discipline, self-willed disobedience and a destructive pacifism advocated by the child psychologists. We should thank God Joseph and Mary did a better job in rearing Jesus Christ of Nazareth than that advocated by the modern child psychologists of today!
Do Children "Store Up" Emotions?
Frequently, you hear of adults speaking of "getting unwound by means of recreation or other activity. We talk of being "tense" or "high-strung" or "keyed-up"! So far, so good. This, to a degree, is absolutely true.
Every adult, especially engaged in they type of occupation which demands high-tension mental concentration, needs a "change of pace" once in awhile - to "unwind"! But wouldnt it be a strange society if the adults were given to weird emotional outbursts, in which they seized a gun, shot down, five or six helpless bystanders, cudgeled a policemen to death, and then, their feelings assuaged, lapsed into their ordinary and daily routine? A ridiculous suggestion - to say the least! And yet, this is the EXACT avocation of many who would assure you they are foremost authorities on how to rear children.
It is reasoned that children also need to "unwind"! But, since their minds are not yet intelligent enough to lead them into other recreational activities or diversions, they often times throw a "temper tantrum"! This, assure the child psychologists, is merely a method of "letting off steam" and should be patiently ignored by the parent!
"Anger and resistance are the natural responses to being blocked. Children show this by having temper tantrums when they have to be interrupted to be washed, dressed, or taken to the toilet. They burst out if they are interfered with at play. Hunger and fatigue and other kinds of thwarting situations that produce anger" [emphasis mine] (p. 356, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Yes, anger and resistance are the NATURAL responses to being blocked! That is, they are the CARNAL responses. But simply because they are the "natural" responses to authority - does not make them right!
"At about the age of two, children show anger more often than they are likely to when they are older. ...If we can somehow interest him in the new thing we want him to do, we may avoid a scene. ...A negative reaction to commands at this age is so common that the foresighted mother tries to avoid conflict by giving as few orders as possible and making requests instead" (p. 356-357, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
What an unbelievable quotation! How does a parent in a restaurant, or in a public market or shop, really put these empty theories into practice? How would you apply this ridiculous suggestion in the following circumstance?
You are in a nice restaurant with your wife and children. Johnnie, aged 21/2, becomes angry at the food youve chosen for him. While you are trying to politely give the waitress your order, Johnnie begins to SCREAM with anger! He shouts, at the top of his high-pitched voice, "No!No!No! I DONT WANT THAT!" and, throwing himself to the floor, begins to kick, cry and scream in a frenzy of unbridled emotion!
Do the parents merely calmly smile, placidly ignore Johnnie, and go right on ordering?
IF THEY SHOULD - I DOUBT IF THE OWNER OF THE RESTAURANT PERMITS THEM TO REMAIN IN HIS PLACE OF BUSINESS!
Well, then, do they "somehow interest him in the new thing" they want him to do, and "avoid a scene?"
not really very PRACTICAL, is it? Do YOU think the empty theories advocated by todays generation of authority-haters are really WORKABLE?
Here again, the authors assure us a negative reaction to commands is common at this particular age!
This is true - ONLY if the child has not been trained correctly from birth! It is true ONLY if the parents have not punished the child, have not had right and correct discipline, have not known HOW to rear their children properly, but have merely been "observing their children growing up" instead of really actively rearing them! Otherwise, if the child of two years of age has been trained, has been shown the proper and deep LOVE, consideration and care, but at the same time authoritative discipline given from love, and in love, he will NOT, under any circumstances, at any time, burst into anger and shout "no!" at his parents. I have the living PROOF of this fact in my own home!
"It has already been pointed out that a child between the ages of 18 months and three years tends to say no to every suggestion. If he is not constantly being given directions and commands, he has less chance to build up this habit of balkiness.
"If parents could only train themselves not to be shocked when their young children express their anger by saying. I hate you or by calling them names, they would improve their relations with their children. The average father and mother have forgotten the feelings of resentment they had in early life toward their own parents. ...A child drains off his resentment if he is allowed to express ... if he is made to feel guilty over these natural reactions, if he has to suppress them or be punished, his feelings may be in a turmoil! But if his parents can say to his expressions of HATE, Of course you feel that way. I used to, too, when someone made me do something, he doesnt STORE UP guilt over his conflicting feelings about his father and mother" (p. 359, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parent Institute). [Emphasis mine].
Notice it! Parents are encouraged to actively aid and abet their children in BREAKING Gods fifth commandment! God says, "Honor thy father and mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee! And, "Children OBEY thy parents in the Lord, for this is right!" But "modern" parents are told to say to their own children "I used to hate my parents too!" and tell their little toddlers they "understand" why their own children are shouting and screaming in a fit of temper, throwing themselves on the floor, kicking and practically frothing at the mouth while they scream "I HATE YOU!"
the explanation that has been given in this quotation is so frightfully stupid, so horrifyingly naive, and so shockingly idiotic that it leaves one in a veritable quandary.
Listen! The RIGHTEOUSLY INDIGNANT voice of the Almighty God THUNDERS at such insipid and SATANIC teachings from the reaches of His very THRONE IN HEAVEN! GOD IS ANGRY with such swill.
You cant afford to take these things lightly!
The greatest responsibility ever placed on a human being is that of forming, shaping, teaching other human minds! God warns against many becoming TEACHERS, saying they will receive even sterner judgment! To take the potentially wonderful minds of our innocent youth, FRUSTRATING them, TWISTING them, PERVERTING them, allowing them to be filled with DEMONICAL RAGES, HATRED, TEMPER OUTBURSTS is a GIANT, GARGANTUAN SIN!
The wages of sin is DEATH (Rom. 6:23). God is going to PUNISH, in no uncertain terms, for any such great crime against pliable young minds as you have seen the modern child psychologists advocate! May God really HELP some of you to see it in its clear light!
Habits of Hatred
Does a child really "let off steam" and "drain off his resentment" if he is allowed to express it?
Lets understand! The emotions in a tiny child are not like compressed air in a bottle. Child psychologists have followed the theory that human emotions are much like compressing air in a bottle. The more it is compressed, the more resistance against a cap. Just like a pressure cooker, or a boiling pot of water on the stove, they theorize that resentment and rebellion, building up within the child, needs to "explode" and to "let off steam" every now and then! Actually, they are in total error!
The child who is supposedly allowed to "drain of his resentment" in this fashion is the child who could well be opening up his mind to extremely serious consequences in a spiritual sense - of which the child psychologists know nothing. Such a child will very definitely build up a HABIT of rebellion toward authority, obedience, temper tantrums, and hatred. The thought of allowing a tiny toddling boy of barely over two years of age to shout and scream at his own parents "I HATE YOU!" and even encouraging him in it is the EXACT thing J. Edgar Hoover talked about when he said our society has been substituting "indulgence for discipline"!
Human emotions do not have "intrinsic worth." Ignorant theorists assume the explosive outbursts and temper tantrums of children are actually lessening the "pressures" within the child, rather than encouraging the SIN of rebellion ! it is as if you had a bag of marbles, they theorize, each marble labeled "hatred"! As you dip into the bag and subtract each marble, you have fewer marbles left in the sack! Thus, they reasoned, as a child is allowed to "express himself" in crazed fits of screaming anger, he has increasingly less chance of doing it again!
"The mother who says she cannot ignore a screaming, kicking youngster usually means she has not found out how to use ignoring as a constructive method. Leaving him and going about her business may work better than she thinks it will. The minute he hasnt an audience his pleasure in the performance begins to die down. Naturally, if she herself is so angered by his temper that her attitude in ignoring him is hateful, ignoring will only cause him to feel more hostile. But if she can treat his anger as not too serious a matter, if she is prepared for other primitive ways of acting in early childhood, like eating with fingers, it will be more likely to subside" [emphasis mine] (p. 358, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Parents are told this is merely a phase through which the child is passing, and he will soon get over it all.
"In most families the phase in which tantrums are most likely to occur passes and is forgotten. If tantrums are continuous, however, or recur past the age of five, they may be a signal to seek help from a child-guidance counselor equipped to discover underlying causes" (p. 548-549, The Encyclopedia of Childcare and Guidance, Gruenberg).
" ... We see that the baby protests against unpleasant experiences by crying. These responses may be considered as emanating from the instinct of self-preservation.
"The response ... continues throughout life. This crying of the baby becomes the temper tantrum of the older child and a part of the life-long fight for independence. As such it represents one of the strongest impulses responsible for human behavior" (p. 28, In Defense of Children, Beverly).
This very aptly titled book assures parents temper tantrums are nothing more than the natural outgrowth of the first wails of a tiny baby, expressing his need for "independence!"
These theories are simply untrue. Temper tantrums show a complete lack of self-discipline - and far from being merely a STAGE through which the child is growing, are gravely serious warning signs of a child totally lacking in self-control. It is just such thoughtless teachings as these that have led thousands of children past the bars of justice across our land, and have made hopeless emotional wrecks out of uncounted millions of others.
Rather than going through a "stage" of child development, which they will grow out of, children allowed to express insane rage at their parents are building a natural habit of hatred!
Now notice a refreshingly sound quotation for a change:
"Let, us - parents, teachers, and all others having to do with the training of youth - see to it that adolescents acquire self-control. Let us save them from the injuries effects of this newfangled idea that young people can grow up to do as they please. Confusion worse confounded will be the state of the next generation if it is generally accepted. If you, as a parent, have done your duty in the nursery and during the pre-adolescent period, I assure you the days of actual punishment will be over long ere your youngsters reach their teens. But if for any reason you have failed in the earlier years, and your children have attained adolescence without learning self-control, then I admonish you not to depend exclusively upon these new-fangled psychologic notions or on any fantastic interpretation of Freudian philosophy, and refrain from chastisement through fear that your children will not develop leadership. Leadership - bah! Who wants a boy to grow up to be a leader of a criminal gang? Indeed, if we go on after this fashion, we can truly say what price leadership!" [emphasis mine] (p. 141, Piloting Modern Youth, Sadler).
Sound advice, indeed! Read it again!
Quit Categorizing Your Children
Some children are said to be "perfect!" Other children are said to be "impossible!" The parents thus categorize these children, letting all and sundry, in the few moments of conversation, know of these "categories" into which their children fit. In this manner, they hope, when their child destroys the neighbors china or his furniture are neighbor will patiently understand - because he has been intelligently forewarned that this particular child was "impossible."
Possessing a dog that is known to bite, the owners are instructed to keep him muzzled! Having a child that is given to biting, the parents assure their neighbors their child is "a little biter" but that he will soon outgrow this particular "phase!" many and varied are the mythical phases of childhood! If you want to rear a child who will defy every supposed "stage" through which he is obligated to grow, according to the child psychologists, simply rear him Gods way! He will not throw things at one, kick you at one-and-a-half, scream "no!" at two, throw temper tantrums at two-and-a-half, bit the neighbors children at three, run away from home at three-and-a-half, be overbold at four, or neurotic at five! Rather, at all these ages, he will be lovable, obedient, helpful, self-reliant, respectful toward authority, and will, most of all, be living proof that the in-insipid theorizing and demented arguments about his "phases" are totally untrue!
Let us ask a final question of the child psychologists: "If our children dont scream "NO!" at 2, run away at three-and-a-half or show other signs of these stages or growth - are they sick?"
How Your CHILD Learns
How DOES your child learn - and WHEN should you
begin to teach him?
THE HUMAN CHILD is the most helpless of all newborn creatures. The young colt, the calf, even the baby porpoise and whale are able to stand, walk, leap or swim within hours, even minutes after birth!
But they are creatures of instinct! A human being does not have instinct, but a MIND! No one had to teach the young colt where to go for its "dinner." It simply went there - automatically! But God gave man a mind capable of accumulating knowledge. It is a mind much like the mind of God, though limited in its capacity.
There are five channels by which knowledge may come into the mind. At birth - you knew absolutely NOTHING! The newborn human infant would STARVE TO DEATH if it were not taken by the more intelligent parent, and nursed! Oftentimes, though not always, the mother must even begin a type of sucking motion with the jaws of the child by manipulating its lower jaw in order to teach it the habit, of nursing. This is not always true, but serves to illustrate the amazing fact that the greatest creation in the physical sphere - that of the human mind - has such a simple beginning!
Learning By Association
As a creature of habit, a baby begins to LEARN at the very INSTANT of its birth! The way in which it first learns is by mere association. But these "associations" begin to form certain HABITS within the rapidly growing and developing mind of a newly born human baby. Let us understand the way in which the newborn child learns.
Very quickly, the baby becomes accustomed to the smell, the taste and sounds of its own mother. (We are here speaking of that which is the average and normal, not foster mothers, wet-nurses, etc.). If the infant of only a very few weeks is hungry, and begins to cry of his food, it may be observed that he will oftentimes quit crying the moment he is picked up by his mother, because the sound of her reassuring voice, the feeling of her arms lifting him from his bassinet, and the smell of her own body has begun to become completely associated with the satisfying taste of her milk!
Perhaps you have seen cases where tiny babies have been reared in very quiet homes. It takes only the slightest rattling of the bottles by the milkman, the dropping of the cover on the mail-box by the postman, or the barking of a dog to awaken the child from a mid-afternoon nap. This is true, because the baby has become accustomed to living in a very quiet environment. If the child has been used to a noisy environment, such trivial sounds would never disturb him during his nap.
This factor of learning by association is so vitally important that it must be understood thoroughly.
No sensible dog trainer would think of confusing a dog under training with more than the simplest, straightforward and direct commands!
In attempting to "house-break" a dog, the dog is simply taken to his sandbox, newspaper, or outdoors, he is reassured, patted and fondled. The trainer tries to carefully take the dog to such a place at prescribed intervals. If and when the dog makes a mistake (and they usually always do!) the trainer very severely rebukes him, says, "bad dog!" forces him to smell the mess he has made, and spanks him for it! Gradually, by constant diligence, and by means of ASSOCIATION, the dog becomes housebroken. He learns that it is going to net harsh words, and a spanking for relieving himself in certain areas. He learns, on the other hand, that he will be given tidbits to eat, a reassuring hand and a soft voice when he uses his prescribed areas.
There are absolutely millions of parents today who do not know how to keep a child from becoming as destructive as a proverbial "bull in a china shop!"
They are completely helpless to keep their child from crawling about from one thing to another, turning over knickknacks, pulling doilies from tables, pulling out electric plugs, tearing up books and magazines, or any other of the one thousand and one different things a little crawling infant seems to "get into" Myriad, countless, it seems, are the parents who have not the slightest glimpse of understanding as to HOW to cope with such a situation!
Isnt it a pity? If they could realize their child is a creature of HABIT - but that habits are formed by ASSOCIATION that each habit must be TAUGHT, much of the problem would be solved.
When Should You Begin to Train Your Child?
A vitally important principle every parent needs to understand is that good habits must be constantly taught the child, beginning AT BIRTH!
"Never too old to learn is truer in reverse. The further it is reversed, the truer it becomes. Never too young to learn is the idea parents and nurses should always bear in mind. The more a behavior pattern is affixed to the primary, simple, unconditioned responses, the easier it is to establish firmly. That is to say, the sooner habits (good or bad) are inculcated, the more force they will have, the longer they will endure, the harder they will be to change" (As the Twig Is Bent, p. 22, Hohman).
Yes, the time to begin training children is much earlier then most parents think!
Unfortunately, not all writers on child training give such sound advice.
Because of the CARNAL nature in human beings, which is a nature in human beings, which is a nature tending to degerate, rather than build up, it seems to be much simpler for children to acquire bad habits than it is to learn good one. Hence, it appears that thumb-sucking, throwing silver on the floor, or other habits are acquired after only two or three attempts, while it takes many months to teach a child to stay dry. The simple answer to this problem is that the carnal child learns much more quickly to do that which is pleasurable, that which satisfies the downward pull of his nature, that which is curious, interesting, and easy to do, RATHER than that which takes effort, concentration, and persistence! It is much easier to obtain a bad habits than it is to acquire a good one!
Obviously, since the child repeats what he enjoys, it is good for parents to make interesting and enjoyable things which the child needs to acquire. However, when all is said and done, the child must learn to do that which is right, enjoyable or not!
Most parents assume their very tiny children are too young to teach! They believe they should wait until the child is old enough to "understand." However , this excuse is often carried over into most of the pre-school years by many parents, resulting in a perfectly horrible little child who is rebellious, ill-mannered, disrespectful toward his elders, and generally destructive.
The truth is, it is impossible to begin TOO SOON! More will be said about this later - on exactly HOW to attain the desired result with very young children - but a good slogan to remember is that one already quoted: "Never too young to learn!"
Learning By Imitating
Perhaps the second most important manner in which a very young child acquires certain habits is through mimicking and imitating others.
"Arent such activities as climbing, imitation, emulation, and rivalry, pugnacity, anger, resentment, sympathy, bunting, fear, appropriation, acquisitiveness, kleptomania, constructiveness, play, curiosity, modesty, shame, love, jealousy, parental love, and all of these pure instincts which appear and run their course completely beyond the control of the parents? Surely, these things are not dependent upon the way I let my child grow up. Most of the older psychologists would agree with you. The behaviorist believed, too, when he began his work, that some of these acts would spring forth fully formed. But we waited for their appearance in vain. Now we are forced to believe from the study of facts that all of these forms of behavior are built in by the parents and by the environment which the parent allows the child to grow up in. There are no instinct. We build in at an early age everything that is later to appear" (Psychological Care of the Infant and Child, pp. 37-38, Watson).
As has been previously outlined, human beings know nothing at birth. They must acquire, through the channels of the five sense, everything they come to know. One of the major ways in which every human being learns is mimicking, imitating others.
This method of learning is so powerful, so intense that it follows us all through our lives - often guiding and ruling our every action, our customs and our habits, even as mature adults.
Understanding this broad field of imitation as a means of child training - is should become immediately clear the parents have a frightening responsibility of setting the right EXAMPLE before the children!
Parents who are raucous, disagreeing, and show they are frequently upset with one another are going to be surprised to find they will have children who will also become raucous, disagreeable and given to temper displays and angry outbursts. It also logically follows that parents with bad table manners unclean personal habits, resentment toward authority, inherent laziness or any number of hundreds of similar frailties and faults are presenting a constant, powerful influence over their children to develop these same habits.
So strong is the imitative impulse in children that it becomes one of the truly major reasons for the development of many child criminals. As has already been outlined previously, criminal behavior is LEARNED. Perhaps the best illustration of this factor is in the modern habits of television viewing. Isolated voices have been lifted up in alarm over the sadistic brutalities paraded across the dazzling one-eyed monster of television and into the minds of tiny tots. A survey taken in southern California for one week of television shows prior to 9 p.m. principally aimed at children, revealed the following disgusting facts:
"One hundred sixty-one murders (500% more than five years ago), 60 justifiable homicides , 192 attempted murders, 83 robberies, 15 kidnappings, 24 conspiracies to commit murder, 21 jail breaks, 7 attempted lynching, 6 dynamiting, 11 extortions, 2 cases of arson, and 2 instances of torture, not to mention uncountable numbers of prolonged and brutal fights, threats to kill, sluggings and mailings and innumerable unspecified indignities inflicted indiscriminately on men, women, and children" (Pasadena Star Nes, March 19, 1959).
The newspapers of recent years have increasingly been carrying stories of monstrous brutalities and cleverly planned crime perpetrated by mere youths- simply because they were "doing what they saw over television."
A terribly saddening picture, accompanied by the following explanation, appeared in a Pasadena, California newspaper:
"Frank Dodd, 13, and his 11-year old brother James ... are being questioned in Arlington, Va., about the death of their father Frank, whose body was founded in a padlocked shed at their home, shot in chest and stomach. He had been missing six weeks. The boys told police they were mad at him and had learned on TV how you kill people and dispose of the body" (Pasadena Independent, Mar. 4, 1957).
A noted judge, Jacob M. Braude, who is Circuit Court Judge of Cook County Illinois, and whose 25 years of experience in municipal courts of Chicago include more than 10 years of presiding over Chicagos unique Boys Court says:
"Much of the inspiration for the juvenile crimes of today comes from motion pictures, radio, and television, where the gunman, the outlaw, the illicit lover, the gangster is often glorified and - at the very least - is made out as a perfectly normal and necessary part of our civilization.
"The hope that the men who produce this junk would be sufficiently enlightened to police themselves and accept their tremendous responsibility in building youthful morals and standards intelligently and constructively is apparently useless. They have demonstrated that the certainty of dollar profit in smut and violence is more important to them than the moral profit in constructive fare.
"So its up to parents to know what their children are watching and hearing, and to exercise some intelligent restraint for them. Parents also have the power of life and death over what is shown on television. Get vocal. Make yourself heard. Refuse to buy products. Youll get results" (Family Weekly, p. 7, Mar. 15, 1959).
Too many parents today think it is "cute" to see a child actually imitating the carrying out of a horrifyingly brutal crime! There has been tongue-in-cheek amusement over the specter of young children whooping around the tree where they have tied an amused and patiently tolerant father, pretending the are burning him at the stake. There have been too many parents who have smiled with benign condolence at the antics of little tots trotting through the house shouting. "Bank! Bang!" at each other - getting the vicarious thrill of killing one another when they are hardly old enough to walk!
Children would far rather imitate gangster, crooks and hoodlums than they would the heroes. Have you ever noticed how often children, in playing games, will call themselves by the names of some of their television heroes? The chances are - the more of a merciless killer he is - the more "fans" in the youthful generation he will acquire.
Pet owners may be quite concerned about allowing a cursing man around their talking parrot - but would think nothing of letting their children witness thousands of murders!
Knowing this vital principle of the rapidly with which a child learns by mimicking and imitating, it is a capital crime against your own children to allow the totally indiscriminate use of television, the unsupervised and uncontrolled reading of comic books and novels, or to permit yourselves to display wrong habits and glaring errors in front of your children.
CRIMINALS are MADE NOT BORN!
No discipline, no punishment, has bred a generation of
youthful criminals in our society. Read how discipline
and punishment can be constructive.
THE CARNAL-MINDED worldly theorists look upon all discipline from the standpoint of the widely-publicized ABUSES of ill-trained parents. A sensational case of child-beating is enough to convince most people that ALL punishment, however sensible, loving kind, and judicious, is WRONG.
To punish, or not to punish - that is the question!
But punishment, remember, is only a PART of the picture - and on the negative side in the main. However, punishment can and should be a POSITIVE measures as a valuable too in real constructive teaching. But much more of this later.
Lets clear the air - lets come to really UNDERSTAND,
Discipline CAN Be Constructive
PUNISHMENT, when meted out in the proper manner, and at the proper time, is one of the greatest BLESSINGS a human being - at any age - can receive!
First, let us explode the theory of society, once and for all, that punishment and love cannot come format the same source! GOD IS LOVE! He says:
"...Ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou are rebuked of him:
"For whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth" (Heb 12:506).
Notice, Almighty God punishes His children, because He LOVES anthem! True Christians today are supposed to be constant recipients of Gods just and merciful chastisement, His punishments and His abominations, His corrections and rebukes! God says:
"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof , for CORRECTION, for instruction in righteousness:
"That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works" (II Tim. 3:16-17).
The Holy Word of God is GIVEN to correct us, to chastise us, to rebuke and reprove us! In our lawless society which has substituted "indulgence for discipline" we see vast hordes of professing "Christians" who advocate NO LAW! They think the law of God is done away! They advocate a doctrine of no authority, no reproof, no rebuke, no correction, no law! Therefore, by the very NATURE of their teachings, they advocate a non-Biblical religion!
"If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not?
"But if ye be without chatisment, whereof all the partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. ...Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby" (Heb. 12:7-11).
One of the very characteristics of a loving God is HIS NATURE of meting out just, merciful and loving PUNISHMENT when it is needed! To be without this chastisement, to be left, without Gods punishments, to go our own way - uncontrolled, unrestrained and unchecked, would mean the ultimate destruction of our society! We have been going in that very direction for nearly 6,000 years! And now, as all the prophecies of your Bible show, Almighty God is about to step in, as any loving father would, and PUNISH in no uncertain terms!
In like fashion, a child who is allowed to grow up through various "phases" of rebellion, unchecked and unrestrained, without the loving but firm hand applied where it ought to be, when it ought to be, how it ought to be, is going to end up as a confused uncertain, neurotic emotional MESS - and, in all likelihood, a hardened unregenerate criminal!
The oft-quoted "scripture," "spare the rod and spoil the child" is not a scripture! It is a "saying" which people have repeated down through the years as being a scripture - and is not found in the Bible in this form. However, in principle, it is certainly based upon the Bible.
Authority Begins in the Home!
"It is certain that if our young people are to have total obedience to the laws of the land, a love for the orderly processes of government and a desire for ethical forms of behavior, the strengthening effect of religious training which will install a sense of moral responsibility becomes apparent. The place to start is in the family circle! [Emphasis mine]. American families are developing the personalities who will determine what type of society our nation will determine what type of society will have tomorrow." (Statement of J. Edgar Hoover, Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation, quoted from excerpt from Committee Print, 81st Congress, Second Section, "Juvenile Delinquency.")
The very first form of government with which the child comes in contact is the government WITCHING THE HOME. Almighty God established certain LAWS for the government in the home - but those laws have been rejected, ignored, and shattered in most of the "modern" homes of our land.
If there is no authority, no government in the home - how can the parents expect their children to respect the authorities and governments in the society, and, what is even more important, the government and the laws of God?
Mr. Hoover was further quoted in his statement before the Special Senate Committee to investigate commerce:
"The home is the first great training school in behavior of misbehavior and parents serve as the first teachers for the inspirational education of youth. In the home, the child learns that others besides himself have rights which he must respect. Here the spadework is laid for instilling in the child those values which will cause him to develop into an upright, law-abiding, wholesome citizen. He must learn respect for others, respect for property, courtesy, truthfulness, and reliability. He must learn not only to manage his own affairs but also share in the responsibility must be taught to understand the necessity of obeying the laws of God."
Think of it! Even the leader of our highly trained and efficient Federal Bureau of Investigation is urgently impressing upon the average family in our nation today that it is absolutely necessary that the child understand that he must OBEY THE LAWS OF GOD!
And God made laws governing marriage! It is the breaking of these laws which is the basic cause of the separations and divorces that are so prevalent in our society.
He stated, further:
"These qualities, of course, are transmitted to the child only if they are exemplified and taught within the family circle. By way of contrast, homes broken by death, desertion, divorce, separation, neglect, or immorality stamp their imprint on the developing personality. The products of these homes, unguided and unsupervised children who seldom receive needed love and attention, develop distorted attitudes and may easily engage in antisocial behavior. There products of ADULT NEGLIGENCE have become easy recruits in an already vast army of youthful offenders" [emphasis mine].
What a remarkably accurate analysis! And what a clear picture of the cause of disobedient and delinquent children.
Bear in mind the delinquent is the youth who has actually run afoul of the law! Bear in mind, also, that the lack of government, the lack of love and respect, the misery in a home becomes evident to the public only when it is officially broken by divorce; then "counted" among broken homes.
Again, let us restate the vitally important fact that these general conditions, the underlying disrespect for authority, the lack of government, disobedience to Gods laws, constitutes a broad picture of the majority of ALL HOMES today!
The chances are very great these conditions exist in your home-now!
A Childs First Contact With Authority
To a tiny squirming infant-his parents are "god." That is, they are the supreme authority in his life. They constitute his life-giver, his provider, protector, his law and his ruler! There is a perfect type in the rearing of children which helps us to understand the manner in which Almighty God is rearing His children, reproducing Himself! Just as modern religionists have substituted doctrines of licentiousness, permission to do evil-"do as you pleaseism" so have the modern child counselors advocated their spinless doctrines of parental indulgence.
If the little child cannot have an orderly existence, and cannot be kept within certain bounds which he is made to understand, he becomes confused, frustrated! God says:
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
"My son, bear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
"For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck" (Prov. 1:7-9).
Just as the Christian must really learn to fear God, so must the little infant learn to fear his parents! But fear is not "to be in terror of!" Some, in complete incomprehension of the meaning of scripture, talk of the "authoritative" God of the Old Testment, and of the "Loving" Christ of the New! Little do they realize Jesus is the God of the Old Testament! If you have not seen this vital point of scripture clearly proved, then write for our free article proved, then write for our free article, "Is Jesus God?" which will be sent to you by return mail. To fear God is to stand in awe of Him. We love God says if He loves us, He will punish us when we do those things which are going to result in our own destruction!
In like fashion, the parent who truly Loves his own children will want to punish us when we do those things which are going to result in our own destruction!
In like fashion , the parent who truly Loves his own children will want to punish them in the right manner, at the right time, when they are doing things which will cause much greater hurt.
To a tiny, newborn infant, his parents reign supreme. He knows of no their authority, no other authority, no other law, no other governing influence, no other protector, provider-and he knows of no other love. Recognizing again realize that the time to begin training their children is at birth-not a moment later!
Criminal Behavior Is Learned!
Adolph Hitler, Benito Mussolini,
Hideki Tojo, Joseph Stalin and other so-called "international gangsters"-yes, and all the "bums" on skid row, the drifters who come to your back door for a hand-out, the arch-criminals, the petty offenders. And the sex fiends who have committed horrible atrocities-All of Theme-Were Little Babies Once!
Did the mothers of "pretty-boy "Floyd, John Dillinger and Al Capone, and also the other infamous gangsters of the "20"s and "30"s, know their children would develop into some of the most vicious criminals of their day?
Aparicularly heart-wrenching occurrence was reported in May of 1956, when an 11-year-old boy in Connecticut coldly and deliberately shot to death his 14-year-old brother, his own mother, and his father in a carefully planned and purposefully executed murder plot! Did the parents of this 11-year old boy ever for one moment begin to visualize their own son would ever turn on them in hatred with a .22 rifle, killing them?
Could you have convinced the parents of any of the hundreds of youthful criminals their children would turn out as they did?
OF COURSE NOT!
Where, and when, do criminals learn that kind of behavior, and what are the causes behind criminal acts by mere youth?
Police Commissioner Gibbons of Philadelphia has said, "Throughout the country there is a general disregard for constituted authority. I think that goes for the adults and is reflected in the thinking of the juvenile." When questioned further about some of the causes behind juvenile delinquency, Commissioner Gibbons replied: "I think the change has been going on over a number of years in the attitude of older people toward constituted authority [emphasis mine].
Because adults sneer at authority - impugn the law, make fun of the "cops," and are openly disrespectful of national and international dignities - they are actively TEACHING THEIR CHILDREN THE SAME HABITS! WE ARE A GODLESS, DEFIANT, STIFF-NECKED, HARD-HEARTED, RESENTFUL, DISRESPECTFUL, REBELLIOUS SOCIETY, - and were rearing a whole generation of children taught to be the same!
Remember, criminal behavior is LEARNED behavior - human beings are creatures of HABIT! The child who is confronted with parental strife, indecision, lack of authority, upset conditions within the home, neglect and diffidence from his own parents, will develop accordingly!
Any child reared in an upside-down home is going to develop into an upside-down child.
Most of us are looking for temporary goals. The only purpose in spanking children with many seems to be in getting the child to immediately cease whatever he is doing that is annoying them! We may want our child to quit running while in the house, quit running while in the house, quit running out into the street, to quit "bothering" us when were busy, or any number of things which encroach upon our personal peace of mind.
In this fashion, spanking truly does become entirely negative. It is usually done by thoughtless parents in anger - thoughtlessly.
Since this is one of the most common abuses of proper discipline, the child psychologists have made mincemeat of the practice - using IMPROPER USAGE as a premise against any proper use!
MOST parents who do spank their children, unfortunately, DO spank them in anger! They are concentrating only on the IMMEDIATE goals. They want their child to "quit bothering" them.
Have you ever heard a parent say, "That makes me so made at you!" to his child? Such parents are admitting they use spanking only NEGATIVELY, and not as a proper method to teach those LASTING values - those PERMANENT habits of obedience that are so necessary.
Another common miscalculation is that of supposedly "adding insult to injury." Some parents reason a crying child, or one who is "upset" is already suffering from something - and a spanking would only make him suffer all the more. Therefore they reason a spanking at this juncture would be harmful.
This MAY BE TRUE in some circumstances! A child who is disappointed over a broken toy, who is excessively tire, or who has become emotionally upset over a similar situation should not be spanked. Sorrow, disappointment, regret or hunger - these should not be punished! But ANGER, RESENTMENT, REBELLION, OR HATRED - THESE DEFINITELY SHOULD BE PUNISHED!
"Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams. For REBELLION is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. ...(I Sam. 15:22-23).
"An evil man seeketh only rebellion: therefore a cruel messenger shall be sent against him" (Proverbs 17:11).
The long-range goal of spanking for a show of rebellion is to prove to the infant mind REBELLION nets PUNISHMENT! Never fear the child will have ANY difficulty in connecting the punishment with the crime! He will AUTOMATICALLY connect the two together!
However, many parents are dissuaded from accomplishing these lasting goals by reasoning. "Why spank him if hes screaming and crying hard when a spanking is just going to "upset" him all the more?"
Parents are deluded from their long-range goals by reasoning the following:
"But supposing he does get angry? What shall we do?
"If he is angry because he is sleepy or hungry, we have to try as matter-of-factly as we can to get him fed and into bed. If we can be calm ourselves it will help. What use is there in being disturbed and annoyed when that will only add to our childs anger and our own trouble?" (p. 357, The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute).
Herein lies a basic principle which needs to be thoroughly understood.
Most parents are inclined to make excuses for their childrens poor behavior. Actually, they are excusing themselves, as the ones who are really to blame for the irresponsible actions of their children. Parents who constantly excuse the squalling of a child by saying he "is tire," or ignore the angry outbursts of a toddler by saying hes "just upset" today, or say he "didnt get a nap" and therefore is acting like an uncontrollable monster - are merely EXCUSING both themselves and their children.
But the real truth is very clear. This child comes from a poorly scheduled environment, from a poorly managed home. He is the product of a careless mother and father who, after having made numerous mistakes in his care and training, merely make excuses for the obvious result of their carelessness.
Should a child by chastised for expressing anger by crying? Should a child who is already "disturbed" or "upset" and is angrily crying be punished?
Gods answer is: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy should spare for his crying!" Prov. 19:18).
Simply being "sleepy" or "hungry" is one thing - but being ANGRY because of is another! Parents quickly learn to discern between a "sleepy" cry and an "angry" cry!
How to Accomplish Permanent Goals
OF COURSE, your child will cry all the harder when he receives a spanking! If your immediate goal is merely to get your child to be quiet - then you are thwarting your own purpose. But if you have a long-range goal of teaching and training your child while he is young, or as God says, "while there is hope," you will recognize each particular situation as a challenge, NOT for the immediate present, but for the future! You spank for anger and rebellion now, fully realizing he is going to cry all the harder, in order to instill in him the HABIT of obedience, and to teach him the sin of rebellion toward authority, which is going to stand him in good stead later.
Let us notice an example of parents eating out with their children in a restaurant.
Johnnie, aged 21/2, begins to play with his silverware. Dropping his knife on the floor, his father picks it up and takes the silverware away from him. Immediately, Johnnie bursts into an angry outburst of tears. Embarrassed, realizing there are many others, suddenly looking at them, the father tells Johnnie "sh-h-h-h-h-h"! But Johnnie does not "sh-h-h-h-h" - he cries all the louder. What should he do? Should he pacify the child by giving the silverware back to him? Should he rap him sharply on the hand while in the restaurant?
His feelings are in a turmoil. He realizes if he tries to spank him in front of all these people he will merely cry all the louder! And so, nearly always the child gets his own way! The father, not wanting to create a "scene," gives the silverware back to the child - he has won a major VICTORY! He has found crying gets him his own ways. Anger PAYS OFF!
But if Johnnies father had realized he should be concentrating on the LONG-RANGE GOAL of teaching his child respect for authority and the rights of others, he would have done the following:
he would have left the silverware right where it was in front of Johnnie! (Of course, had Johnnie been receiving all the proper training at home this situation may have never arisen in the first place!) he would have picked up the knife patiently, placed it in its proper place on the table, look levely at the child and said once, sharp, firmly but quietly, "No!" The chances are about 999,000 to one Johnnie would immediately seize the silverware in his chubby little hand again! Of course! Thats what is expected! He must be taught not to disobey. The next step is to firmly take the silverware from his hand in calm and patience, arise from your chair, pick up Johnnie and carry him outside. This is going to cause far less disturbance, far less embarrasment in the immediate situation - and is going to help form a good habit in the child. After Johnnies father gets him to a place of comparative privacy, such as their own car, he explains to the boy what he had done. He might say, "Johnnie, you dropped your silverware on the floor and disturbed others. I told you NO! Not to touch the silverware again! You DISOBEYED! And now, because I love you and I dont wish to have you grow up to be disobedient, I must teach you, I mean exactly what I say when I tell you NO!" Whereupon the father should punish Johnnie appropriately ! But, in any event, this punishment must be appropriate to the occasion, neither too sever, nor too lax! Punishment, in order to be effective, must be felt! But a great deal more of this later.
Then, the father picks up the child after his tears have subsided, wipes his face and carries him calmly back to the table, placing him again in his seat.
An unnecessarily lengthy procedure, you say? It is, IF the only thing about which you are concerned is a little peace and quiet during one of the thousands of meals you are going to eat in your lifetime! FAR FROM IT, if you are concerned about rearing your child correctly, teaching him the meaning of parental authority and discipline, and using these minor incidents as a means toward the long-range goals.
Rather than merely solving an immediate problem for the sake of a handful of complete strangers and what "they think" about your methods of child rearing, you have added to your child more of the stuff from which right habits are formed.
This is such a common situation that it may bear repeating Too many parents actually DO let their "soul spare for his crying" lessening the punishment, or neglecting it altogether, letting the child use crying and screams as a weapon with which to get his own way!
Ultimate Benefits of Constructive Discipline
J. Edgar Hoover said something so piquant , so strikingly applicable, that it should be briefly quoted:
"Criminals are made, not born. Long before a younger is legally labeled "juvenile delinquent, his acts repeat a familiar pattern of conduct - false, hoods, disobedience, truancy, petty stealing. Each derelictionleads to another. Unless he learns the fundamental lessons of self-discipline, trouble is inevitable.
"Every child should have maximum freedom of expression, but when such freedom transgresses common decency or infringes upon the rights of others, it must be curtailed. Our prisons are filled with individuals who enjoy freedom of expression without self-discipline" (p. 3, How Good a Parent Ave You?, Hoover).
A child who has been taught obedience from the time of mere infancy will have practically NO CHANCE of ever training into a juvenile delinquent. This is not to say mere punishment and respect for authority is the ONLY panacea against juvenile delinquency. There are many other reasons, among them; parental neglect, broken homes and divorce, unhappy homes, bad examples , outside influences, dangerous literature and the pressures of modern-day society. Even an ordinarily well-disciplined child, if placed in other equally bad situations, merely develops into a juvenile delinquent.
God gives an absolute promise, a Divinely inspired GUARANTEE that if you: "Train up a child in the way he should go ... when he is old, HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT" (Prov. 22:6).
Do you tremble before the Word of God? The chances are, you dont the REASON you dont is because you, like many millions of others, have in all likelihood been reared with a concept that the Bible does not mean what it says! God answers:
"Thus saith the Lord, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest?
"For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been , saith the Lord: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a onctrite spirit, and trembleth at my word!" (Isa. 66:1-2).
God gives an absolute GUARANTEE that a properly trained infant will not DEPART from the way of his father when he is "old"! Do you believe it? Are you willing to PRACTICE it?
Remember, God is love! God punishes us because He loves us, even as WE should punish our children in the right manner, at the right time - because we love them. "He that spareth his rod hateth his son! But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (Prov. 13:24). God says to withhold proper punishment from a child is LACK OF LOVE, and is actual hatred for the child! Your Creator says you are withholding something mighty precious from your child if you do not punish him when such punishment is deserved.
"Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, [stick or switch] he shall not die.
"Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shal deliver his soul from hell" (Prov. 23:13-14).
The Hebrew word herein used for "rod" would be better translated into our modern English "switch," according to our modern terminology. Certainly no implement which could be termed a rod, such as a certain rod or a heavy stick of any nature should ever be used in disciplining a child.
Correction should be utilized as a positive part of learning! It is, as revealed in the Bible, one of the METHODS of teaching! God says, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Prov. 22:15).
Further, your Bible reveals "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame!" (Prov. 29:15).
Yes, reproof, correction, proper discipline can be utilized as one of the most important menthols of positive TEACHING!
YOU CAN Punish Your Children
Child beatings, sever spankings by ANGRY PARENTS
have caused child psychologists to recoil in
horror! To them, punishment always means ANGER
and love ALWAYS means NO PUNISHMENT
Read the Plain truth about proper
PUNISHMENT should never be merely negative-but ALWAYS, without fail, accompanied by positive teaching. The right action, the right method, which is expected of the child, should be clearly shown him-not only the wrong ones.
Some parents, who are actually unqualified to be parents, are prone to punish their children in the heat of anger, with hardness and cruelty. Rather than instilling into the child the healthy "fear" which is right and good-not "terror," these parents do cause children to build up feelings of resentment and anger.
They will probably find their children using lying to escape punishment, and developing into cheats and child criminals!
Seeing these abuses in the punishment of children, many have assumed that all punishment must be wrong!
This is simply untrue. God plainly says, "Children, OBEY your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:1-4).
Notice, God says do not provoke your children to wrath!
But a constant attitude of negativism -of only saying "No!" and never saying "Yes!"- of only showing a child what he should NOT do, and never showing him what he can and should do- punishing only in a negative way will, in the long run, "provoke your children to wrath!"
God always punishes His children in LOVE- never in anger and wrath! Notice how Jeremiah prayed: "Oh Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. O Lord, correct me, but with judgment; not in thine anger, lest thou bring me to nothing" (Jer. 10:23-24).
Gods very nature is love! Yet we read that God says He punishes very son that He truly LOVES! Jeremiah prayed for punishment. But he wanted God to punish him in judgment, in mercy, and in LOVE- not in anger.
Most parents usually punish children only when those children have driven them to it. They are punishing because they are literally trying to "get back at" their children and are angry because their child has done something which has disturbed them.
This is improper punishment, and will never bring the right result.
Another danger in punishment is leaving the child immediately after the punishment to himself-and leaving him with the impression that he is still guilty.
The positive type of punishment always carries with it the automatic understanding that the child is now forgiven for his wrong action, and is now in the good graces of his parents!
Only by parents carefully explaining this to their children, and showing that they are punishing in love, with judgment and wisdom, using great discretion, will they avoid some of these dangers in punishment.
One "authority" assures us that punishment is "the end step in a long course of happenings that has carried both parents and children away from the positive feelings of love and understanding" (The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute, page 365). Perhaps, in many cases, it is.
However, if punishment is done IN LOVE, if children are always shown some positive affection after punishment, this statement becomes completely untrue.
You will be surprised how often a child will thoroughly repent of his wrong action and assure you that he is sorry for his wrong deed, throwing his arms around you and telling you how much he loves you when you punish in an attitude of love, and let him know that the punishment carries forgiveness with it.
Never Beat a Child!
Today, any case of child beating is sensational.
Newspapers and magazines have widely published certain horrifying abuses of children by berserk parents who are totally unfit and unqualified to be parents. As a result, a school of "do-gooders" has arisen who regard any form of punishment as an extreme. They say that some parents "recommend the indiscriminate use of corporal punishment with the cruelty and sadistic satisfaction that is frightening" and say that most parents "turn to this extreme as a last resort, and because they think that nothing else will work" (The Complete Book of Mothercraft, Parents Institute, Page 365).
Lets really understand! There is never, under any circumstances, a time to BEAT a child. A child should NEVER, under any circumstances, be punished in anger! A child should never be bruised, or injured!
But stating this does not justify the arguments of some "extremists" who, like the never-ending pendulum, swing from one opposite extreme to another. To them, the very word "punishment" MEANS a cruel, sadistic BEATING! One author went so far as to say, as already quoted, "The word punishment should not appear in our dictionaries except as an obsolete word, and I believe this should he just as true in the field of criminology as in that of child rearing ... why then should the parents ... ever punish in the old Biblical sense?" (Psychological Care of Infant and Child, Watson, pages 63-65).
Do you see? This author cannot bring himself to conceive of PROPER punishment, done in love , in a right manner, and at the right time! But punishment can be done correctly!
What Effective Punishment Should Accomplish
Any type of punishment, whether a physical spanking, deprivation of privilege, or other type, must always suit the offense. It must, at all costs, be prompt, and must never be done unless preceded by a warning. It must never be done in anger - but it must always be felt!
Effective punishment is never "temporary." It is aimed, not at temporarily quieting a child, or causing him to discontinue some annoying act, but at the long-range goals of establishing the HABIT of obedience, proper self-control and self-discipline.
In ordinary cases, states one authority, corporal punishment is unnecessary after the younger years of childhood. At any age, it is, they stress, a temporary measure. We have not been successful in our training until the child obeys from CHOICE , and "from ideals that have been developed and not because of fear of physical punishment" (Training Children, Pyle, p. 172).
If parents have applied effective punishment in the early years, the formative years, and "bent the twig" before it becomes a gnarled, huge, unyielding tree, then punishment is truly a temporary measure.
However, if loving, TEMPORARY parental punishment does not instill true self-discipline, and the proper ideals and morals - then society may well inflict much harsher , and far more permanent punishment on that same child who has become a hardened criminal! The gas chambers of our land are pretty permanent!
Remember, HABITS MUST BE FORMED. Corporal punishment, done in desecration and love, must take the place of higher motives when the child is TOO YOUNG to really know the difference between right and wrong.
Children learn by HABIT. Habits must be FORMED in a child!
When the child is entirely too young to discern right from wrong, good from evil, his parents have the God-given responsibility to make his decisions for him.
This must be done in a workable practical manner!
You simply cannot afford to let a child "gradually" quit running away, or out into the street, or turning on the GAS, playing with fire, and breaking vases and bottles! Youve got to get RESULTS - and get them fast!
Lets analyze another example of a child who openly flaunts authority before his parents. As already quoted, the child psychologists assure us:
"The eighteen-monther ... asked to Come here, dear, either stands still or runs in the opposite direction. (He may even like to walk backwards). Ask him to put something in the wastebasket," they tell us, "and he is more likely to empty out what is already in it/ hold out your hand for the cup which he has just drained, he will drop it onto the floor. Give him a second sock to put on, and he will more likely than not remove the one which is already on his foot. His enjoyment of the opposite," they continue, "may be the reason why it works so well, if "bye-bye, and walk away from him. Then he MAY come running.
"Not only does he not come when called - he seldom obeys any verbal command. No is his chief word!" [Emphasis mine] (p. 22, Child Behavior, Ilg and Ames.)
assuming a young couple have been attempting to "rear" their child according to these spineless reasoning, lets see what could easily happen.
The parents, with a small eighteen-month-old boy, are walking casually along the streets of their town. Their boy, simply because he is supposedly in one of the "phases" of childhood which demands a negative and reveilles answer to everything, is disobedient. He rebels at any command of his parents, saying "NO" to their every order, and laughingly runs from them when they attempt to correct him, scorning their feeble efforts at keeping him under control by plucking ineffectual at his sleeve.
They approach an intersection. The light is red. The child, seeing something interesting across the street, begins to run for it, each parent, frightened almost beyond words, shouts "no! No! Stop! At the top of his voice. A screech of tires, the laughing face of their child, looking back at them as he follows his babyish habit of "running away from them" when they say "NO," a sickening "thud!" and their baby boy is a lifeless, grotesquely sprawled form lying under a car.
A purely hypothetical case, you say? No! Far from it! It happens quite frequently! BUT it ONLY happens to children who are disobedient to their parents commands, and who have not been TAUGHT not to run away from their parents , not to resist, rebel, and do the exact opposite of everything their parents tell them!
Almost the identical situation tool place with my son! Except- I had taught my boy what "NO!" meant. We were walking home from church, and Mark had run ahead about 15 or 20 feet. As we came to the crossing before our house, a car came racing down the usually quiet street on which we lived. Mark began to step off the curb, to run across to the house. Seeing the car rapidly approaching, I shouted, "NO!"
there was no time to "reason" with Mark. There was no time to "surround" him with objects that he "could build up and manipulate!" in order to take his mind off running across the street. Instead, there was only time for the single shouted command-"no!"
there was the roar of an engine, a swirling of leaves and dust, and the face of any boy, standing stock-still, waiting obediently at the curb, smiling at me as he stopped instantaneously upon hearing that command. I breathed a sigh of relief, and expressed my thankfulness to God and then to my wife, for the wonderful blessing is to know Gods method of child rearing really works!
WHEN to Punish
As has already been proved, the time to BEGIN constructive discipline, and punishment, when necessary, is at birth! It was only because I had taught my son by means of constant association the full meaning of the word "no" that his life was saved in this particular instance.
The time to begin training your child by associating certain things together is shortly after birth. Obviously, it would be too early to spank a oneday-old baby! However, there are also many thousands who will tell you it is much too early to punish any child who is under one year of age!
The only trouble with this concept is that many HABITS are deeply instilled within the child by the time he reaches one year of age! There can be no absolute hard and fast rule as to the exact moment at which you should begin corrective measures to instill the habit of obedience and respect for authority within your children. However, since we know punishment must be just and graded to the nature and the degree of the offense, it should hinge upon the time when it is first required.
Let us now understand when defective discipline may be required! Any parent, having a newly born child in his home, quickly learns to discern the difference between a "hunger " cry, a "wet" cry, a "hurt" cry and an "angry" cry. Let us repeat, ANY parent should certainly be able to discern the differences in the emotional outbursts in their children.
To spank a child simply because it is crying would be a terrible mistakes. A parent would feel grievously ashamed and terribly hurt if, after spanking his child for crying, he found an open safety pin sticking the infant had caused the outburst! However, let us not swing to the opposite extreme and "kid ourselves" that EVERY time the child cries there is some reason other than anger or rebellion for it! The chances are, you will not begin to discern the difference between these various sounds in the childs crying until after a few weeks of life situation develops:
your boy is two months of age. He has bees properly bathed, fed, and put to bed comfortably, it is now well past the time he should normally be sleeping. However, he begins crying or "fussing"." You arise from bed, go to his room and check carefully to see why is crying. You know he had been fed, you have checked his diapers and clothing carefully to see that he is not bound in his clothing, or that there is not any open pin. (Many "locking type" safety pins are available which make this almost an impossibility today.)
The child is not pulling his knees up, indicating he does not have an stomach ache. You notice that he ceases crying immediately when you pick him up, and begins to cry the moment you put him back down. Now you have ascertained his cry is an "attention" cry - merely wanting to be held. Not a serious crime in itself, and certainly it is not wrong for a parent to rock his child to sleep, to allow the child to go to sleep on the bosom of the parent and then quietly place him in his own crib, or to walk with him until he is asleep. HOWEVER - you must start sometime to teach him the MEANING of the word "NO!"
any normal two-month old baby is old enough to begin to understand and follow simple commands! Place the baby back in his crib. Retire from the room. After he begins "fussing" again, walk to the side of his crib, bend over and make sure he hears you. Point you finger at him, and say once, firmly, but not TOO loudly, "NO!" retire from the room. Usually, he will either stop crying momentarily at the sound of your voice, or will be continuing to cry all the way through your entry into the room and your command. However, dont begin to make the mistake here that so many parent make of "not being sure their child HEARD or UNDERSTOOD them!
Usually, he will begin to cry again the moment you leave the room. Next, walk firmly to the side of his crib, and, using only one or two fingers, deftly and smartly swat him on the buttocks,. You may , without removing the heavy nighttime diapers, spat him sharply very high on the side of the thigh. But FIRST, strike yourself on the back of the hand, or wrist, or the cheek to determine the strength of the swat, and make definitely SURE you do not strike the child too hard. HOWEVER, DO make sure you strike him HARD ENOUGH so that he feels it!
This will be your childs first experience with a "spanking." The chances are, if he is a normal child, he will wail so loudly, so brokenheartedly, with such a mixed sound of surprise, pain and anger that it will amaze you! But you have begun to teach him a valuable lesson. You have not really "hurt" the child in a lasting sense. You have not "wounded" or "injured" the child!
What you HAVE done is to begin to teach your child a positive ASSOCIATION between the phonetic sound of the sharp command "NO!" and the stinging pain that follows when he disobeyed.
The child may drop off into a deep sleep within a few moments of crying. ALLOW him to cry until you can tell by the sound of his crying that the pain, hurt and surprise has died down and he is not still crying merely as the aftereffects of his first "spanking."
This will vary, and needs a great deal of wisdom and judgment. But it also needs firmness, and assurance you are doing this GODS WAY, and purposeful determination to carry the lesson through.
If the child then, after 10 or 15 minutes begins to cry again - and you can discern this is another "attention" cry, REPEAT the performance. Repeat it EXACTLY as it was done before. Walk firmly into the room, bend over the crib, say "NO!" to the child sharply. Already, you will probably notice the child ceases crying immediately with a look of "shocked" surprise come over his face. But, true to form, he may begin crying again the minute you leave the room. Usually, the second sharp sweat (and preferably not in the same place as the first) will be all that is needed for this first lesson. The baby will fill his lungs with good pure air, wave his little arms and kick his feet have a good healthy cry, and usually lapse into a full, deep and tired sleep!
Let us state here the IT IS FULLY REALIZED the mere SUGGESTION of "swatting" an infant, and especially an infant of this AGE, may, if a person is so totally STEEPED in the spineless licentiousness, the proven idiocy and the impractical permissiveness of child psychologists, arouse to bitter heights of anger those who have been the victims of such teaching. However, if you remain hostile toward kind, loving, healthful discipline at this juncture of these many pages then it is probably true that NOTHING - not even the inspired, GOD-BREATHED commands of your Heavenly Father, Who gives you every breath of air you breathe, will change your opinions.
We have seen, then, that the time to BEGIN punishing is very early in life, as soon as is practicable after birth, or, as soon as a similar situation arises to the one stated above.
Spanking Is Not the "Last Resort"
Let it be clearly understood that spanking is not the "least desired" of the various methods of punishment, but the BEST method, one which is God-given. Spanking should NEVER be considered a "last resort" when all has failed. It seems people who are sick and afflicted will try every other means known to man before they will FINALLY in absolute DESPERATION "give God a try"! So it seems to be with child rearing.
Parents will try every method which has been devised by the "no discipline" school of theorists, shunning as being something terribly distasteful the application of physical punishment.
But spanking should NEVER be done in anger! It should ALWAYS be done in love. The child psychologists have been unable to reconcile themselves to the conception that nay parent is capable of punishing his child in love!
Spanking is NOT an extreme as a "last resort but is the best method of positive teaching, the God-given, Divinely inspired method, the way that really works!
How to GET RESULTS!
You CAN punish your children in love - and GET
RESULTS! But to be EFFECTIVE, to have it PAY OFF,
you need to know HOW to punish, what with, how
often, how soon, how hard - and when NOT to spank!
IF YOU have really SEEN, and you know that you can and must punish your children when they need it -and do it in love - then you need to know HOW! What do you use?
Youve heard of the old razor strap, the belt, the buggy whip, the ruler and pencil of the school teachers of a few decades ago. But should these implements be used?
What Should You Use?
We have already seen how two or three fingers of the hand should be used for a very young child, and first tested on your own forearm or thigh. Generally, it is best to spank with the hand. But, again, there are many cautions.
First, never try to spank a small child with the whole hand through his diapers! Before you would ever accomplish the job of administering a proper spanking to drive the lesson home, you might run the risk of injuring the childs back. The whole hand against one or two thickness of diapers would not really be felt except as a clubbing type of blow to the child.
As was already covered thoroughly, you should raise the corners of the diaper, and sharply swat the child with only two or three fingers! Make it be felt - but first try it on yourself to be sure.
Before continuing with these methods, lets understand where you should spank a child! It is certainly all right to swat the back of a childs hand as he reaches for a forbidden object, such as a lighted stove, china vase, or something he may pull down and break. In fact, as one author states, "A slap on the hand of the infant who is reaching for a forbidden object has the advantage of immediate and direct association with the misbehavior and of being quickly over. To do any good the slap must be sharp enough to be felt, but should not be severely painful." (As the Twig Is Bent, Hohman, p. 49.)
But these are the only areas in which you should ever spank a child! Either high on the backs and sides of the legs, directly on the buttocks, or occasionally on the backs of the hands. You should NEVER "box his ears" or strike a child about the head or face.
ANY time a parent is seen slapping a child on his face, or thumping him on the head, striking him anywhere else but the areas described, and then never hard enough to bruise or injure, that parent is probably punishing in ANGER, and is truly "hitting" the child - not really punishing in love!
Generally it is going to be better to spank with your own hand. That way, you can feel it, too, and you will be even surer you are not overdoing it.
Many parents utilize a small switch, which will sharply sting, but never break the skin or bruise. As the author already quoted said, "Spanking or nettling small legs with appropriately small switches are only two of the methods that may be used." (As the Twig Is Bent, p.49.)
Certainly, nothing in the old-fashioned buggy whip category should be used An extremely effective implement is one of the lighter ping pong paddles, applied to the bare buttocks. (This I know from personal experience!
With children from two to six or eight years, many parents use the fathers belt. However, caution should be used in applying a belt. Certainly the end with the buckle, or any belt that has metal affixed to the portion to be used should NEVER be applied to a child. A very heavy, thick leather belt, especially if striking the child on the edges, if it is being used double, could inflict sever pain and even possible injury. Some parents literally do not know how hard they are striking their children! Therefore, even as we recommended in the application of one or two fingers to a very young infant, the parent should strike himself sharply once or twice on the thigh with the belt, just as he might test the temperature of the baby bottle on his wrist. In this fashion, you may always be sure of the exact strength of the blow, and you will not run the risk of "overpunishing" or injury.
The old-fashioned idea of the "hair brush" is more mythical than factual, and with todays modern plastic hair brushes and the like, should never be used.
The place to punish a child is squarely on the buttocks! As has already been covered, very high on the sides of the thighs, or with a small switch, on the backs of the legs, would be equally as appropriate. HOWEVER, this must be wisely decided depending upon the severity of the punishment, and the implement used! Be extremely careful if punishing with a belt that only the shortest portion of the belt is used, and that is not allowed to wrap around the childs body, or in any way run the risk of striking so as to injure or cause sever pain. Use common sense - punish your child in LOVE - calmly - not in the heat of emotion and you need not fear "overpunishment."
It is very strongly recommended NOT to use anything that could properly be considered an "implement" for punishment short of one year of age! Parents are strictly cautioned to be extremely careful in the application of proper punishment to a very tiny child.
Now that we have discussed how spanking should be done, let us cover, in principle, other important things to remember.
It Must Be Prompt!
To be effective, spanking should always be prompt! Frequently, because of "embarrassment" in the presence of friends, being in a public place, driving in a car, or other difficulty which seems to make the immediate application of punishment somewhat problematic, parents will defer punishment until a later time. This should never be done! The child (and the younger the child the truer this is), will tend to lose sight of the seriousness of his offense, and the exact relationship between out becomes somewhat unclear in his mind after a period of delay.
"Punishment, to be effective, must be prompt, especially with a very young child. Prompt punishment does not mean hasty punishment, in anger. Rather, it means bringing the results of an act close enough to the event so that a child, whose memory is short, will not have forgotten why he is being punished" (p. 179, Childcare and Training, Faegre and Anderson).
The parent should think more of the child and of the childs future than he does of the mere "opinions" of people seated around. He should quietly and calmly take the child out of the restaurant, apply the proper punishment, and return, rather than deferring the punishment until later.
"The fundamental in all discipline is to be sure you are right, then go ahead. Go ahead in a way which leaves no shadow of doubt whether you or your child wins. Whatever you do, do something decisive. Do not tell a child who coasts down a dangerous and forbidden driveaway that he cannot use his coaster any more that day and then let him coax you into giving it back in five minutes. Do not spank a child and cuddly his tears away, murmuring: "Daddy is sorry he had to spank you" (pp. 50-51, As the Twig Is Bent, Hohman).
Only when punishment is administered IMMEDIATELY after the offense, and especially is this true with a very young child, will it be truly effective. This is the only fashion in which the very young child can be expected to ASSOCIATE the immediate retributive chastisement with the wrong action.
The more swiftly the punishment can follow the act of disobedience, the more effective it will be! This is a principle which should NEVER be forgotten.
It Must Be Consistent!
To punish for an infraction one day, and then to allow the same infraction without punishment the next day is totally confusing to a child.
"The habit of obedience should be developed by the second birthday and firmly fixed by the third. It should become automatic. By the end of the first year, the foundation should be laid. This foundation arises out of a firm, calm, CONSISTENT treatment of the child during the first year. The child will get his first lesson of obedience in learning inhibitions. There is something which babies should not do; mother says no and sees to it that the baby does not do the forbidden thing [by punishing IMMEDIATELY if an infraction occurs]. The mother must be sure that the first lessons are absolutely successful. She must say no only with good reason, but when she says it she must see that the child obeys" (pp. 148-149, Training Children, Pyle). [Emphasis mine.]
I have observed many parents make the gross mistake of totally inconsistent punishment and training. The underlying cause for inconsistency is that the parents have lapsed into the habit of punishing their children ONLY when the children finally "get on their nerves" to the effect that the parent becomes angry, and "lashes out" at the child in retributive haste!
Frequently, parents will say " But I DO spank him!" and then go on to argue "But it doesnt seem to do a bit of good!" ALWAYS, at the root of a statement such as this, is discipline that is totally ineffective because it is not being done consistently.
This is perhaps the most common of all parental failings in administering just and loving discipline! On one day, mother may spank little Johnnie for having pulled a knife out of the drawer. On the following day, she may totally ignore Johnnie as he plays with a whole fistful of knives and forks.
ONLY SPEAK ONCE!
Here, too, is one of the greatest errors of parents today.
"Johnnie! Get back up there on that chair and finish your dinner!" says the parent. But Johnnie ignores the parent, going about his own pursuits as if he had not even head the voice of the parent. Most parents are taken in by this "ignoring" which all children will "try" with their parents, and so are convinced Johnnie really didnt hear the command! The command is repeated - and repeated - and repeated! FINALLY - the child may even be picked up and PLACED on the chair by the frustrated parent! OR what is just as likely (in the practice which I myself have observed on many occasions) after five or six fruitless admonitions, the parent himself may turn away from this futile attempt at child training and is back go back to his newspaper or other pursuits, letting the child have his own way! Parents who say "What am I going to do with you?" Are the parents who always speak more than once! Parents who say "Am I going to have to give you a spanking?" are parents who ALWAYS speak more than once.
Have you been using these phrases? Do you speak more than ONCE to your children?
Speak to your child once! Then, if disobedience follows, IMMEDIATELY apply the proper punishment! It is only in this way that punishment can be truly effective!
It is truly amazing the degree to which a childs hearing may be sharpened by only speaking ONCE, firmly, and sharply! Thousands of parents seem to be in blissful ignorance of the fact their children could be trained to literally "jump at the snap of their fingers" if they cared to use the diligence to gain this end. You may have heard of the children who were startled into humble quietude by the mere "clearing of the throat" of their father as a warning. You may have heard of other children who could have been silenced with a mere look. But by far the more average is the child who cant be quieted with a thousand admonitions, and who never listens to his parents!
This is such a common failing of parents that it deserves ample discussion! Check up on yourself! Begin to speak only ONCE!
If you want your child for something, simply say, "Johnnie, come here!" if the child ignores you, wait just a moment or two, then arise from your chair, calmly bare the childs bottom and apply about five or six good sharp swats! If Johnnie pretends he "didnt hear you!" and tearfully tells you he didnt realize you were calling him - you may be positively assured that if you explain the reason why he is being spanked, he WILL hear you the next time!
I have seen so many dozens, yes even hundreds of parents speaking time and time again to their children without any visual effect that it is truly amazing!
You, as a parent, should begin to speak to your child only once! Say, "Eat your dinner." And then, if, after a few moments, the child is still toying with his food, showing disinterest, or daydreaming - calmly take him down from the dinner table, into another room, lower his pants and give him a good effective spanking! Allow him to remain in his room until the crying has completely subsided, and until he is settled down again, and then firmly place him on his chair and say, "Eat your dinner!" this time, you may be fully persuaded, the chances are far more likely that he is going to finish his dinner! However, lets assume he DOESNT. What then? This brings up the next basic principle.
Always FINISH What Is Started
NEVER CEASE! Never quit! Never give up! Once you have begun teaching your child the meaning of the word "no," and to respond to a single command, dont ever give up! Lets assume your child does not learn to eat his dinner after this one spanking. If he eats only two or three bites after the first one, and then begins to toy with his food again - repeat the whole process. DONT SPEAK AGAIN - youve already done that - simply arise from the table, take him into his room, and administer another spanking!
Perhaps it may seem unnecessarily harsh to you - but you should continue this process as long as is made necessary by your childs REBELLION!
There is going to come a time in the life of every child when he is going to "try" his parents almost to the breaking point. He will revel. It may be over a simple thing such as eating his dinner, picking up his toys, coming when you call, going to bed quietly, or any number of things. My son, on one occasion, simply refused to blow his nose! My wife would say "Blow!" and wait, holding the handkerchief to this nose. He had been blowing his nose by himself for quite some months - there was no question but that he knew how. He rebelled. My wife spanked him, and then told him "Blow!" again. Again, he refused. My wife spanked him the second time. Finally, after my wife had been spanking him quite a number of times, she called me. I took over the situation, and he still refused to "blow"! I don not remember now - and I am sure my son Mark doesnt remember, either - it may have taken as many as fifteen or twenty separate spankings of six or eight licks each! However, after the last one - he BLEW!
Had I left my son win that battle - I may never have gained control of him again!
My child was not bruised - he was not injured - and the pain was all over in just a few moments!! But the LESSON he learned is still with him to this day. My wife and I then explained to him that he would never have needed even ONE spanking if he had merely blown his nose as he should have - in the beginning! We impressed this firmly upon his mind, telling him that spankings are not enjoyable, they are not "fun" for anyone concerned, but that because we love him, we MUST teach him what is best for him, and what Almighty God requires, in order that he will grow up to be an obedient, loving, respectful child, always doing exactly what his parents tell him!
I have seen many parents spank their children once or twice for an infraction, and then give up because their children CONTINUED to rebel. This is disastrous to teaching real discipline.
Use CAUTION, however! NEVER go to an extreme and BEAT your child . Punish wisely, in LOVE!
Punishment, to be truly effective must always be just and graded to the nature and degree of the offense! Never punish harshly, or overly much for a small infraction! Never punish lightly, or too little for a major infraction! Use wisdom and judgment! I never punished very hard for reaching for a knickknack or teacup. I punished very firmly for running out into the street! The one offense, if repeated, might result in a broken teacup; the other, if repeated, might result in the loss of the life of the most precious possession any parent can be given!
Use RIGHT Psychology
Punishment must be adapted to the individual child! However, in explaining this, I may run the risk of having some parents, retort, "My child never needs a spanking!" But this, after reading the inspired Word of God on the subject, would be sheer ridiculousness! Any and every child NEEDS spankings! It is a vital, integral PART of his positive teaching and training! To be left without punishment is to be left without a very precious benefit given by Almighty God in His Supreme love for instilling a deep sense of respect, discipline, reliance, self-control and a settled, orderly appreciation of loving authority.
Granted, some children are of totally different natures than others. Some are "easily upset" while others seem to be quite social, almost imperturbable. It may take only one or two sharp swats for one child to burst into a veritable flood of tears and repentance. It may take 10 or 12 for another child to show equal remorse. Surely, no one is in a better position to know the evaluate this than you - if you are wise and love parent.
A child should always understand the PURPOSE of the punishment. Spanking should always be accompanied by the positive TEACHING as to how to do the RIGHT thing, as opposed to the wrong. Most parents have come to feel that spanking is entirely "negative." This is simply not true! Spanking should be, if properly utilized, the most positive method of child rearing there is. With the proper, kind and discerning TEACHING of the RIGHT action, both before and after the spanking, this gives a positive and negative side to the spanking procedure which will be lastingly beneficial. For example: If your child is frequently running in and out of the house, and leaving the door open, call him back, inform him of his mistake, and firmly tell him to always close the door after him when either coming in or going out of the house. Assuming he forgets within a few minutes and leaves the door ajar again, call him to you, show him the open door and administer a just spanking! THEN, take the child to the door, and have him close it. Have him then go in and out of the door five or six times, each time he does it, opening and closing it properly! Instill the HABIT of obedience. TEACH him the positive act he should be expected to do! In this way, with the positive teaching immediately following and accompanying the spanking for an infraction, a valuable and long-lasting lesson may be taught.
Most of the time, your child is going to disobey "accidentally." He will disobey "accidentally." He will disobey through carelessness, thoughtlessness, forgetfulness, or simply through a lack of understanding what is expected of him. However - dont be deceived! There are many occasions when a child will DELIBERATELY disobey - and needs to be spanked accordingly!
Let your child know you believe in his underlying good intent! Frequently, the young boy and girl will say, quite tearfully, "I didnt mean to!" you should answer, "Of course you didnt MEAN to!" Explain to the child how you "understood" that the did it merely through carelessness or forgetfulness. But say "had I thought you would have done such a deed on purpose I would have punished you much more severely! I know and understand that you wouldnt have done this deliberately - TRYING to be disobedient - but because I love you, I must impress upon you that you should never do this through forgetfulness or careless again!"
Then, when the tears have subsided after a spanking, LOVE your children - take them up and show them some affection! NEVER allow the child to run from the one parent who has done the punishing to the other for the loving and the affection - but ALWAYS make sure the child is loved, first of all by the parent who has done the punishing!
Yes, punishment when used properly, and in LOVE is a truly marvelous method of positive child teaching and training. God says:
"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."
"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (Prov. 29:15,17).
Further, the Ruler of this universe, the God Who gives you every breath of air you breathe also gives you an infallible promise that if you "train up a child in the way he should go,," he will, when he is old, "NOT depart from it" (Prov. 22:6).
There are many methods of proper punishment - not all of them involving physical or corporal punishment.
Natural Consequences Sometimes Punish
Sometimes, natural consequences of a childs action may serve. However, this should only be done when the natural consequences of the act are not too sever, and no real injury or lasting harm is involved. Obviously, a parent should not wait until a child is severely shocked in order to teach a very young child not to pull to or play with electric cords. However, a child will often-times learn unassisted by the parents through natural consequences of his acts, how to get along in his surrounding. For example, he may, by bumping his head when raising up under the piano bench or the table, learn to crawl out from under any such obstacle before pulling up or standing. He will learn after one or two minor brushes with a hot radiator to avoid it.
Use a method of punishment, the parent may warn a child crawling toward a hot (but not too hot!) radiator - "NO!" the child may disobey this command, and reach out to touch it anyhow! Obviously, if it is going to result in a sever burn, the parent should snatch up the child before the child is allowed to touch the radiator and apply corporal punishment in a right and loving manner. However, if it is merely going to result in a momentary pain, the natural consequence may, in all likelihood, serve to illustrate to the child that immediate retribution and pain will follow the disobedience of the "NO!" command.
Isolation may be used as a proper method of punishment if the circumstances warrant it. Especially would this be beneficial if the child is being uncooperative in playing with other children. The simple "no!" command for a very young child, or a longer admonition, in the event the child is older, should always precede ANY form of punishment! If the child is taking toys away from others, or not playing in a co-operative manner, he may be secluded in his own room, or removed and taken to an isolated place (NEVER a darkened closet, cupboard, or small, confined place), preferably his own room. He may be made to remain there for a short period of time, or longer, dependent upon the circumstances.
Deprivation of some special toy, some particular pleasure, dessert after a meal, a trip to the store, or any number of things will serve as a lasting admonition for some offenses.
For example, a child who is old enough to talk and can understand such admonitions might be warned, "If you dont eat all your spinach, you shall not have any ice cream with the rest of us as dessert!" If the child persists in his rebellion, and does not finish his spinach - the parent should be firm, and DEPRIVE the child of the ice cream.
Voiced disapproval may be utilized in some instances. However, mere "nagging" at the child, constant recriminations and rebukes, or parental disgust shown over and over again will do nothing more than frighten, dishearten and induce sulkiness in a child.
Never Use Short Cuts
None of the aforementioned methods should EVER, under any circumstances, supplant for corporal punishment! There are thousands of parents who will assure others that they can "reason with" their children, and therefore have never needed to spank them! There are many thousands of others who assure all who will listen that their children can merely be "shamed" as a result of any wrong deed, and have never "NEEDED" a spanking!
These are simple excuses and attempted "short cuts.," by parents who abhor and detest any usage of the God-given means of teaching and training children - corporal punishment!
How to Teach Your Children
Human beings are creatures of HABIT! But habits must
be TAUGHT! Read HOW you can begin etching your
children to AUTOMATICALLY do the right thing!
"I DONT WANT to, Mommy!" wails the tearful tot of three years when Mommy has said, "Go to bed now!" OF COURSE he doesnt want to - because hes not in the HABIT of going to bed when told!
How many times each day, and over how many different circumstances is this the picture in YOUR home?
Do your children have the habit of obedience? Do they respond IMMEDIATELY when you tell them to do something? Do they have the habit of coming when called, of closing the door after them, picking up their clothes answering you immediately, being clean and neat? Chances are - they dont!
How Habits Are Acquired
BAD habits are acquired after only one or two experiences! Remember, its the pleasurable experience that is most oft repeated. A little baby LIKES the sound of his spoon hitting the floor, and seeing his mother or father pick it up for him. He likes the excitement when he dumps his cereal bowl , or spills his milk, and sees the flurry of motion and sound around him.
Naturally, unless he is firmly taught NOT to do these things, he will REPEAT them until they become HABIT!
There are hundreds of things you will do automatically. Why? Because you have learned the habit of doing them. They are not carefully thought out actions, but automatic reflexes as a result of certain stimuli to the nervous system!
How, then, can you teach your children the correct habits of obedience, cleanliness, proper eating, good posture, orderliness, truthfulness, and respect?
Good Habits Are Acquired Gradually!
The first time your baby reaches out a chubby little hand to grasp a spoon, he may drop it several times, get it between his fingers, and in both hands, and try desperately to put it in his mouth. He will trade hands with it, bang it on his high chair tray, and throw it on the floor. It is only after weeks and months of patient TEACHING that a child will gradually learn to hold the spoon correctly, eliminating all the unnecessary movements and acquitted process of all the muscular movements involved in simply holding a spoon!
This is learned through trial and error. Obviously, the parent should place the spoon in the right hand, and show the child how to hold it correctly, helping him along until he is able to do it for himself. The first time a baby drops a spoon, the parent should merely say "NO" and pick it up, placing it back in his hand. The second time, repeat the command, and swat the back of the hand sharply. It wont bruise or injure - in a very SHORT time, you will have a very small child who will NOT EVER, unless it is a pure accident on a very rare instance, just as any adult will do, drop his silverware on the floor! But remember the principles of the previous chapter! Be preseverant, be instantaneous, be consistent, and be SURE!
Practice Makes Perfect
Some habits are learned almost instantaneously, because they give a pleasant reward to the child. Other habits, and usually the most necessary ones, takes a little longer.
For example, the child of three to four years of age may have great difficulty lacing his own shoes - tying them in horrifying knots, or hardly tying them at all. However, at the age of five or six he may be tying them smoothly and with seemingly no effort. This is as a result of literally hundreds of experiences with tying and untying his own shoes. It is the constant practice which has made him finally efficient in tying his shoes.
If we want a child to hold his spoon correctly, tie his shoes correctly, walk, stand or sit correctly, should not this same desire project itself into all phases of life? Your child can be taught to practice right habits.
It is practice, in the right habits, which will bring about perfection. Thus, teaching a child to open or close a door softly and correctly several times in a few minutes will begin to instill in him the right habits of always opening and closing the door correctly. Teaching him to go to the bathroom to wash his hands and face prior to eating as a very young child will instill in him such a habit of doing this that it will carry over into all his adult life!
You may have heard it said that children coming from a large family are usually more generous as adults. Why is this? Simply because they were forced through environmental circumstances to learn to share as a very young child. They had to share their toys, bedroom, dinner table, games and , oftentimes , even clothing.
Habits From Satisfaction
The more pleasurable an experience, the quicker the child will form a habit of repeating the experience. Thus, the tiny baby, when accidentally finding its own thumb, begins to suck. This thumb-sucking brings about a feeling of solace and comfort which is immediately pleasurable of the child. Only one or two times, and should be broken as early as possible.
Some modern child psychologists advocate allowing a child to such his thumb up until ages of five and six or even seven! However, acquiring the proper type of nighttime covering , and dealing with the problem firmly and diligently during the daytime will soon break the child of this undesirable habit - which could, contrary to some popular opinion, cause slight damage to the gums and even protruding front teeth! By using a zipper-type sheet at night, where the childs hands are not allowed to come in contact with his mouth, this bad habit is soon broken .
Obviously, since a child learns much more rapidly if the experience can be made pleasurable, the problem arises as to how to make the desirable habits more pleasurable.
"Only when some success is attained does the child have a feeling a satisfaction. A few words of praise given now and then for his somewhat bungling attempts will often do more toward helping a child acquire a desirable habit than any amount of unfavorable comments. To point out a childs mistakes rather than his successes, in other words, is to set up in his mind an unpleasant association with the desired act. The wise parent who wishes his child to learn to lace his shoes will compliment him, even though he occasionally misses a hole or falls short of the adult standard" (p. 86, Childcare and Training, Faegre and Anderson).
Parents who show only disgust at the mistakes of their children, are presenting a very difficult barrier to the formation of right habits.
These are so many and so varied that only a few representative ones may be given here. However, if the principles outlined in this series are applied in individual cases, there are many hundreds of right habits which may be acquired without too great difficulty. And, whatever the difficulty - the results are well worth it!
Perhaps some mothers make a "fetish" out of personal cleanliness, always to be seen chasing their child about with a damp washcloth, and always horrified if they become the slightest bit dirty. This is an extreme; but nevertheless, personal cleanliness should be early instilled in the child as a habit! Obviously, this can only be done, if the parent, in the beginning, keeps the child meticulously clean at all times.
Jesus said "Ye shall know them by their fruits!" our children are fruits! - and you may be sure that where an unclean child is seen, there is an unclean parent responsible for it.
If children always made to clean up immediately upon coming into the hose after play, if they always are made to wash and comb prior to each meal, if the first thing they do upon arising is to wash, comb their hair and brush their teeth, they will learn the habit of personal cleanliness very early. Later, in the early school years, when it becomes a matter of personal self-discipline, you will find you have a child who is acutely aware of personal hygiene and cleanliness.
Teach Your Child to Eat What Is Set Before Him
Prepare balanced meals, and giver your child only what you feel he will be able to eat! Then, always be sure, unless there is some extreme case such as sickness, that your child eats everything that is set before him.
Frequently, parents who express disgust at a certain vegetable in the presence of their children find their children from a "dislike" for that particular vegetable. Remember, your child learns by association! He learns by your example! As already outlined, spanking may be used to teach the child to eat all that is set before him, or deprivation of a reward, such as letting the child go without his dessert, will sometimes gain the desired results. Nature will not let the child starve! Sometimes, mothers feel a child who is made to go without a meal, will "starve to death"! This is simply untrue - and even spinach will acquire a peculiarly interesting taste if the child gets really hungry!
Teach Your Child to COME When He Is Called
Never, at any age, is there an excuse for children to run away from their parents, or to disobey when told to come when called! Dont EVER let your child become like the "average" 18-monther described already who, when "asked to Come here, dear ... either stands still or runs in the opposite direction" (p. 22, Child Behavior, Ilg and Ames).
Instead, as your child learns how better to walk, begin to teach him how to come when he is called. Make your commands short and to the point! "Come to daddy!" "Come to mama!" or, simply using the word "Come!" is ample for an 18-month child.
Obviously, the first time you call, the child will not understand what you mean, and probably will not come. This should be accompanied, then, by placing the child squarely in front of you when he first learns "toddle around," backing away from him a few feet to a chair or convenient place, and then accompanying his toddling toward you with the words "Come!" or "Come to daddy!" In this fashion, as already outlined, the child learns by association that coming in your direction is the result of hearing the command "Come!" Later, as he increases in ability to walk, try calling him even if he is walking in the opposite direction. At first, when he doesnt immediately turn around and come to you, got to him, pick him up and turn him around, then back away and repeat the command - holding out your hands. You will find the careful repetition of this practice will soon instill the habit of coming when called in your child.
If the child begins to think it is all a game, and laughingly runs in the other direction, what should you do? Most parents would probably "hate like everything" to punish their child at this juncture, because they would simply reason to themselves "but he thinks Im just playing!"
That s just it! How is he EVER going to find out you are NOT playing - if you dont teach him?
In the fashion already outlined, give the command "come here!" If the child runs in the other direction - run to him, spank him by a few firm swats, enough to be felt! Dont just mildly surprise the child! Place him squarely in his tracks, facing in the same direction in which he was going. Retire to the same position in which you were when you made the original command. Repeat the command. This time, the chances are, he will come to you when called. If he does not, repeat the same procedure again - and again - and again - Until the child has thoroughly understood what is required of him, and has begun to come at your call, regardless of the direction in which he is headed, regardless of what he is doing, regardless of how far away he may be.
Perhaps this sounds quite unnecessary to some - but it is exceedingly remarkable to not the scores of parents with little children today who couldnt get their children to come to them when they call if their very lives depended upon it!
Teach Your Child to LISTEN to Your Instructions
Sounds simple? But it isnt! Again, NO child will EVER listen to his parents unless he is TAUGHT to listen! The parent who constantly says "Did you hear me?" or "Did you understand ?" or, "Pat attention to mama!" is the parent who has never learned to teach the child to LISTEN.
First-grade teachers could form a veritable army of witnesses to tell surprised parents how FEW children have EVER learned to listen to instructions! Is another of the beginning principles in child rearing.
It is truly amazing what a few sharp spanking will accomplish to improve a childs hearing! If your child does not seem to have you when you call, or his mind wanders when you are instructing him, or he pays no attention to you - the following measures shoal be applied: Speak only once. Speak sufficiently audibly so that you are sure your child (if he has normal hearing, which we are assuming, since we are dealing with the "average" case) can hear you. In this way, you will be assured at the outset his lack of attentiveness is not due to a fault on your part. If he doesnt hear you, simply go to him and apply a sharp, but comparatively mild, spanking! Explain to the child he did not listen to you - and tell him to be more attentive next time!
Apply the proper methods of positive teaching, followed by swift, neverfailing and loving punishment for infractions! In this manner, you will break the bad habit of not listening to parental instructions and admonitions, and instill the GOOD habit of always listening attentively to the parent. In this fashion, whether your child is playing, or engaged in some pursuit which calls for his undivided attention, he will, nevertheless, always, "have one ear turned" to the voice of his parent!
This is another point at which many parents fail - simply because they are never sure their child really COULD have heard them! Use wisdom! If your child is outdoors, and banging on a tin pan or playing nosily with toys, the chances are you should not even attempt to call loudly from in the house, unless there is an open window very near the childs play area. Rather, you should go to a place where the child can see as well as HEAR - and then call your child or give whatever instructions or teaching you wish.
I know of a case where a parent was finding herself calling repeatedly for her son. He had a back yard "project" involving his pets, and was invariably "busy" and "occupied" with them. He apparently didnt hear the calls of his parents. He was reminded to listen carefully, and sternly admonished. Next time, he still didnt come. He was firmly spanked for it! The next day, he came to the door several times when his mother HADNT CALLED, saying "Mom, did you call me?" Does this illustrate the point? Always be sure any normal child couldnt help but hear, and THEN, if the child does not respond, apply the lesson until he does learn to respond.
Teach Your Child How to Answer His Parents
Remember, one of the greatest lessons any of us can learn is a deep inner sense of respect for authority! One of the attributes of those whom God says are rebellious toward authority is that they "despised dominion, and speak evil of dignities!" (Jude 8). Not only do many children "speak evil of dignities" today, but millions are allowed to "sass" their parents, to talk back, to "Yeah!" or "Naw!" to parental questions or commands!
We should show honor and respect toward God by addressing Him as "Our FATHER." We are told to "stand in awe of Him!" and to approach Him with dignity and respect, calling upon Him by the sue of the titles of His OFFICE! We are to call upon Jesus as "LORD!" Lord simply means, translated: "Master," "Boss" or "Ruler"!
In like fashion, children should be taught to look up to the office and authority of their parents! Just as we are to LOVE Almighty God with our whole heart, our mind, our very beings , and yet show respect - so will the child who truly LOVES his parents be able to experience an even fuller love if he is also taught a deep inner sense of respect toward his parents. This may be evidenced in the manner in which the child answers the parents.
It is neither "old-fashioned" nor wrong to teach children to say "Yes, sir!" or "Yes, maam!" to their parents. Teaching the child to say "Yes, father" or "Yes, mother" may sound , perhaps, a little too laborious and lengthy - and the same purposes may be achieved by a simple "Yes, sir" or "No, maam." My child invariably answers me with a "Yes, sir" or a "No, sir," and, in looking back, I can recall having to apply a very mild spanking on only ONE occasion in his entire life to instill in him this habit. It was simply a matter of the positive teaching. He was taught how to answer.
You should begin at a very early age, when a child is first learning to put together simple phrases - learning to talk. When asking a child a question, such as "Did you have a good time today?" if the says "y-e-e-e-es" - then you should say: "Say Yes, sir!;" and have your child repeat this a few times. As a result of diligent teaching in each instance, within just a very few days, or, at the most, a few weeks - you will have instilled in your child a habit which will last through the remainder of his natural life! At age four, or five, my boy was answering "Yes, sir" on almost every occasion. However, I began to notice frequent slips, and that he would begin to drop off the "sir" on occasion. I said: "Mark, you should always say "Yes, sir; or No sir, when you talk to your daddy, or "yes, maam or No, maam when you talk to your mother. You have been slipping up on this lately - and forgetting. Im calling this to your attention - now - to tell you about it as a reminder -so you wont slip up on it in the future. If you do, then I will have to give you a spanking to help you remember - do you understand?" "Yes, sir!" answered my son.
However, true to form, he did forget within a few hours, or days - I dont remember now. At any rate, true to my promise. Id did spank him for it! I dont believe I swatted him more than four or five times. He tearfully apologized, and I put my arms around him and loved him, telling him I was giving him the spanking merely to help him remember - and that he sometimes needed this help as a part of his positive teaching - so he wouldnt forget!
Teach Your Child to Perform Certain Definite Tasks
At a very early age, children may be taught to put up their own toys, fold and hang up clothing, help make their beds, clean up after themselves in the bathroom, or do other simple tasks about the house or yard. This is not with the aim of acquiring a cheap labor about the home - far from it! It is with the goal in mind of teaching your child one of the most important lessons of life, which, simply stated, is this: TO DO WHAT HE IS TOLD TO DO WHEN HE IS TOLD TO DO IT!
By constantly teaching your child to perform certain tasks about the home, you are instilling several habits within him at once. The habit of obedience, of neatness, of cleanliness, of listening to parental instruction, of answering correctly, and that of performing definite tasks are all involved in this procedure.
At first, you will need to "spell out" exactly what is expected of the child. For example: With your child, bend over and pick up one of his toys. Hand it to him, and then, take him by the hand show him the proper place for the toy. After you have done this a few times, then you may have him pick it up and carry it to its proper place unaided. After a few times, giving simple instructions all the while, you will find that your child is able to pick up an object from one part of the house, and, progressively, going through , several rooms, pull open the right drawer and put it in its proper place.
As your child gets to the age where he can understand more than one simple instruction at a time, begin to link together two or even three simple instructions. For example, say "Johnnie, pick up these toys and take them to your room - and put them away in their proper place. Then, bring daddy his slippers from his closet." Be slow and definite in your instructions. In this fashion, going to his room, and then relating the putting away of one or two objects with the obtaining of another, you have begun to teach your child how to accomplish certain definite series of tasks - how to follow parental instructions!
As he grows older, you may increase the instructions proportionately. Again, these may sound like simple principles - yet there are literally vast boarder of parents who have never taken the time or the effort to teach their children how to respond to simple commands!
A small girl was being "brought up" or perhaps it would be better to say, was being allowed to grow up the "permissive" way - the way MOST modern child psychologists advocate.
Her family would be taking to guests, and she would appear, beating loudly on a tin pan. Her mother would imperturbably smile and gently say, "Joan, dear, take your pans into the other room, darling, so we can talk. ..." Joan would shake her head and continue drumming.
Her mother would repeat the request, to which the child finally replied, "NO!" (But isnt this exactly what the parent should have expected, according to the psychologists?) "I want to play here!"
Then followed a long discourse by mother, on the rights and desires of other people - how the "grownup" wanted to visit, and would she please be a "good girl" and leave the room?
To all this, Joan merely continued shaking her head and drumming.
Finally, the mother arose, and led the guests out on the patio, retreating in full flight, leaving little Joan inpossession of the field, clearly the victor. The mother murmured, as she left the house, "Im sorry folks - but you know how it is - shes so little, and its difficult for her to understand..."
HOW ABOUT IT? Is this the way you want YOUR child to be?
You see, little Joan DID really "understand"! She understood that she could get her own way - that she didnt have to obey her parents suggestions, and that she could do just as she pleased! This parent, not quite sure the child was old enough to "understand" things on an adult level - and therefore to "reason out" what her logical course of action should be, was actively engaged in TEACHING her child a terrible habit of selfishness, lack of respect for her elders, and disobedience!
This is far from an uncommon situation - but is almost a rule in many homes today!
First, make sure your child understands the simple, direct commands and admonitions you give - then MAKE your child obey them by piloting him through the first few routines - and then having him accomplish the tasks on his own.
Your Children Can Be
Why do some children LIKE school, and others do not?
Why do some learn easily while others fail? What
should you teach YOUR child before he goes to school?
TODAY, TRUE to the prophecies of your Bible, parents are pursuing their OWN selfish pleasures, taking their pets to the kennel and their children to the nursery school, to get the little "house-apes" out of the way. Millions of parents look upon their own children as a unfortunate accident foisted upon them by due process of nature!
It is the accepted practice, ignorantly approved and advocated by teachers themselves, to place little toddlers in a nursery school or kindergarten to PREPARE them for the first grade. Well thy not a pre-NURSERY school, and a PRE-KINDERGARTEN school, to PREPARE them to THESE "schools"? And then what about a PRE-PRE-KINDERGARTEN, so parents can abrogate their responsibility RIGHT AT BIRTH? What a hideous spectacle to the Creator God who blesses His children with tiny reproductions of themselves - to turn them out to pasture like animals without parental guidance and training!
WHEN Should Children Enter School?
Many parents are in a frightful hurry to their children OUT of the home, and into some sort of formal education! A desire for more time, for another job, for belonging to various and sundry "social" clubs and groups has led countless young mothers to give rise to a burgeoning new profession in our land. It is the "day school," the "nursery school" and the "kindergarten"!
Many parents try to enroll their children in a public school at 5 years of age, or one year prior to the standard entrance in most school districts. Seemingly their only concern is to GET RID of their children - get them in SCHOOL as soon as possible! How many ladies magazines, novels, TV series and movies have portrayed the "typical" harassed mother in America who sense her poor, shuffling, bumbling clod of a husband off to work with a disinterested peck for a kiss and then, hair steaming, upon strings flying, bustles busily throughout the house, scrubbing, dressing, feeding and shoving her children out the door, to collapse on the couch with exhaustion, a cup of coffee, and her favorite love story?
WHY, oh WHY is it such a DISGRACE to WORK in America and Britain today? WHY is it such a DISGRACE for parents to really take the time to TEACH their children? Why are such normal, natural, wholesome and GOOD things as HOMEMAKING, COOKING, and TEACHING CHILDREN AT HOME look upon as mere BONDAGE AND DRUDGERY?
Decades of experience with growing children has taught teachers that a child is still too immature that a child is still too immature, too much a little infant to really be placed in a classroom environment before he is six full years of age. Most teachers are very reluctant to admit children under the sixth for that reason and rightly so.
The average child should never be placed in ANY kind of school, for WHATEVER reason until after he is six. However, today there are so many BROKEN HOMES, so many divorces with children, so many homes with parents striving frantically to live far beyond their means, and holding down two jobs, that myriads of children ARE, through one excuse or another, placed in schools even at age THREE! Here is another heartbreaking tragedy of our age!
There are, to be sure, inescapable situations that would demand that a child be cared for by a responsible, bona fide nursery school. However, never forget that such situations are the direct result of the parents SINS, and that they are causing the children to SUFFER for it! There is nothing NORMAL about tiny children barely able to talk being "farmed out to OTHERS for rearing! Millions of helpless, innocent little toddlers have had to pay dearly for their parents mistakes!
The best way is to place your children into the school systems NOT ONE MINUTE BEFORE YOU ARE REQUIRED TO DO SO BY LAW! They need training YOU, as their parents, can give them FAR MORE than they need to be hurried into learning the "three rs" from professional teachers!
Then, when the normal time prescribed by law has arrived for beginning your children in school, INVESTIGATE the school. TALK to the teachers and officers. VISIT the premises, and look into the classrooms and facilities. FIN OUT what kind of DISCIPLINE the school maintains, if any, in todays rebellious age - and inform the teacher you want your child to receive any and all appropriate and loving DISCIPLINE that is necessary!
HOW MUCH Should Your Child Know Before Going to School?
Some parents diligently teach their children the alphabet before placing them in school. Others teach their children how to READ simple stories, Some even have their six-year-olds doing simple arithmetic before going to the first grade! But WHY? "WHY," they might answer, "because I want my child to get a head start! I want him to learn a little faster - and not just be an average child!"
Parents who teach their children these things prior to their first year in school are certainly in the minority. But in a far greater minority are those who teach their children the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS OF ALL - HOW TO LEARN!
Your child does not need to know the alphabet, or how to count, or how to spell before being registered in a competent school. But your child does need to know HOW to learn when he get there!
Make no mistake! The greatest key to learning is DISCIPLINE! A disciplined mind, an attentive mind, a thoughtful mind, a mind that never varies, that is always responsive, eager to learn, that is diligent to Do what the teacher says - THIS is the mind that will really LEARN in school!
It is only be teaching your child the real meaning of DISCIPLINE, and how to be self-discipline that he will become a really "good" student!
You dont need to teach him how to read - you need to teach him to LISTEN TO THE TEACHER! YOU dont need to teach him how to count - you need to teach him to LISTEN TO THE TEACHER!
DISCIPLINE Most Important
Without exception, a well-disciplined child will be a good student! He might not be an all "A" student, since this also hinges on his heredity and his capacity - but he will invariably learn more rapidly, and retain more fully, than others of his same capacity who are Undisciplined!
But what about YOUR child? Your child is YOUR responsibility! Even though there are frightfully serious handicaps in todays Babylon of confusion, you, as a loving and conscientious parent, can instill right values and principles in YOUR child, and he can learn!
Most important than any memory work, such as the alphabet or numbers, and more important than any other thing that a child should learn is DISCIPLINE! A well-disciplined child will invariably learn while others are standing still.
What then, are some of the most important HABITS that will aid your child in learning? WHAT should your child learn BEFORE going to school?
Teach Your Child to LISTEN to Your Instructions!
"He is governed BEST who is governed LEAST!" goes the saying. But no one can be truly self-governed until he has learned HOW to BE governed! When your child begins in school, a greed deal of the time he will have to be SELF-governed!
In todays unhappy situations, classrooms are bulging, teachers are overworked, underpaid, and often poorly trained! Classes are mixed according to various ages, mental abilities, race, religion, and so on.
The average pupil can get virtually NO personalized instruction in the large city school systems of this pulsating babylon of confusion we call "society"! Therefore, he will simply HAVE to be well enough disciplined, and SELF-disciplined, at that, that he will learn IN SPITE of terrible handicaps!
Begin giving your child a basis for attentiveness, alertness, careful LISTENING to instructions with your mind set on the long-range goals! THINK! Think of how badly he will need this GOOD have it later, when hes in a classroom literally FILLED with distractions, noises, confusion, disobedient children and, in some cases, a disinterested teacher! Be diligent in PREPARING your child for such and eventuality!
Begin speaking only once. Speak firmly, quietly, telling your child to do certain tasks, one after the other. Tell him to fold his clothes, clean the room, draw the drapes, put certain articles in certain places.
Get him accustomed to following detailed instructions one after the other in proper order! He will be learning a vitally important lesson that will be a great aid to learning later on!
Remember to apply always, and never failingly, swift, sure, and yet loving PUNISHMENT for infractions! PATIENTLY explain the whole procedure. Tell your child EXACTLY what is required of him - then SEE that he follows through with your instructions to the ABSOLUTE LETTER!
If you tell him to pick up his toys, THEN get his book and color, or THEN put on his coat and go outside, MAKE SURE HE DOES IT JUST EXACTLY IN THAT ORDER!
A child will deliberately do things contrary to the WAY in which you tell him! But what is his ATTITUDE? What is the LOOK on his face? It is far more important that you as the parent come to recognize his ATTITUDE of rebellion or of uncoopertaiveness than merely making him perform the prescribed tasks - although both are surely important!
A first-grade teacher was telling me how a child, when told to sit up straight, would slowly "wriggle" in a serpentine motion until FINALLY, after what seemed like MINUTES of ONE PART OF THE BODY AFTER THE OTHER "straightening up" he would be erect in his seat! There is a case of OPEN REBELLION!
What if a child is told to fold his hands, and place them on the table?
What if the child does NOT DO IT? Or what if he is SLOW to do it? What EXCUSE would the average parent give? That he is TIRED, nervous, sick, or "didnt understand"? Probably - but we really KNOW BETTER, dont we? We know that if the child were OLDER, and more independent, he would be saying with a level stare, "NO! Im not about to obey you!" but, since he is a child, we tend to EXCUSE slowness to obey, and deliberate rebellion.
Make sure your child LISTENS to your instructions, and then MAKE him carry them out, and carry them out cheerfully, and in a willing spirit! It isnt easy - it wont happen the first few times, or even the first SEVERAL times - but if you DILIGENTLY apply what you have seen in the preceding chapters, IT CAN AND WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED!
Teach Your Child To SIT STILL
Notice the example of a child going to school for the first time in his life.
In all of his youthful six years, he has never been actually TAUGHT to simply sit still for any considerable length of time! All of a sudden, he is thrown together with dozens and dozens of other children his own age, in strange surroundings, under a teacher he knows not, and is told to SIT STILL at his desk for perhaps many hours during the course of a day! He simply is unable, He CANT accomplish it so quickly! Hense, first, second, and third-grade teachers will tell you that almost one voice that their biggest problem is with a group of "fidgeters" who squirm and writhe in their seats, look out the window, play with pencils, card or papers, and who simply seem to be UNABLE to SIT STILL while in school!
Why? Simply because they have never been taught at home! Too many parents today wish to abdicate their responsibility of teaching their children ANYTHING - merely expecting to push them off on a school system and have the well-trained teachers, by means of some unknown procedures and near-miracles, turn out decent, respectful, humble, obedient, kind and loving future citizens! This is nothing more than an idle dream - an abysmal miscalculation.
A child may be taught to sit still while still very young! Picking up the child after he has had a lot of activity and simply placing him in a chair or on the sofa and saying "Sit!" is ample. If the child gets down, just one sharp swat on the buttocks, being placed back on the sofa and then being told with a pointed finger, "Sit" again might well accomplish a great deal as a first lesson. However - once you have begun even this first lesson - KEEP AT IT! You may be absolutely guaranteed, that whether it takes five or six spankings on this one occasion for the child to associate immobility in the chair with the command "sit!" - he will certainly learn it. This should be learned very quickly after the child learns to walk.
Should Children BE SEEN
and NOT HEARD?
WHAT is a childs true STATUS? HOW QUICKLY
should we expect children to act "grown-up"? What
about dress, and mannerisms? HOW should we teach
our children to act in from of their elders?
TODAY, AMERICANS LAUGH at the antics of children of the "Dennis the Menance" type! It seems we believe that BOISTEROUSNESS, well-intentioned INTERFERENCE by little boys and girls in the activities of adults, PRESUMPTUOUSNESS and RUDENESS are funny!
The "Smart Alec" Child!
Have you noticed the "Smart Alec" child? Have YOU noticed how many children YOU know will boldly interrupt their elders conversations, demand loudly to know "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" or "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" or say, "HEY! YOU!" to the postman?
How many children have YOU seen who "talk big" and "act big" and receive praise and glowing flattery because of it?
Many seem to delight in a little child acting "grown up"! It is "cute" to seem to think, for a LITTLE CHILD to use big words, talk up boldly to his elders, and become the center of attention in every group. But in reality, it teaches children to feel as equals toward their elders - to DISRESPECT the conversations of those who are their superiors - to be rude, brusque, and presumptuous!
Lets use our minds! Is it REALLY "cute" for a little toddler to walk boldly up to an adult chewing food, and demand loudly to know, "WHAT ARE YOU EATING?" Is it REALLY "cute" for a tiny boy or girl to walk boldly into the midst of a group of adults conversing together, and INTERRUPT their conversation - becoming the center of attention with some quip or "cute saying"? Do postmen, milkmen, workmen and visitors REALLY think it is "sweet" to have your little children DEMAND their attention in a loud and noisome voice?
Of course not! It is embarrassing, frustrating and bothersome! No milkmen wants to loudly tell your child to SHUT UP! But he is probably thinking it! NONE of the guests in the restaurant in the scene already described had the courage to speak up and tell the little children to SHUT UP and SIT DOWN! But DOZENS of them were grumbling under their breath about it. No guest in your home will answer to your childs demand to know what they are eating that it is "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" But they will probably WISH they could!
Do you begin to see? It is NOT "cute" or "sweet" to permit children to mimic the ABOMINABLE practices our depraved society seems to laugh at in the comics and TV today - it is the exact opposite! CHECK these tendencies in your children.
Teach your children to show RESPECT to any and all elders. Show them how others, whether workmen, deliverymen or guests are SUPERIOR to them - that they are OLDER, mature, responsible! Explain to your children that THEY ARE JUST LITTLE CHILDREN!
Treat Your Children Like Children!
What is a childs status?
That of a child!
Can we LEARN this simple truth? I have heard parents say they would never talk any of this syrupy "baby-talk" to THEIR children! THEIR children were going to sound like GROWNups! What a pity! Is it a crime for a child to be a child, to ACT like a child, and to be treated like a child? Is it more proper to solemnly shacked your little toddlers hand, while sternly telling him you are "pleased with his performance" or to catch him up in your arms, kissing him all over his face and neck, and roll around on the floor with him in playful FUN?
Pity the child made to ACT " older" by naive parents who think it is a shame for a baby to BE a baby, a child to BE a child!
Let your children be children! TEACH them their status! It will NOT give them an inferiority complex!
For an example, lets think of a child riding with his parents in a car. He has a healthy curiosity, of course - and this should be encouraged in the right way - but channeled and guided, nevertheless. Suppose he should realize you are looking for a parking place. What if he sees a place across the street, and, leaning over the back of the front seat, loudly says, "DADDY! Theres a place - across the street!"
Here is an opportunity to teach your children a vital lesson. It is NOT necessary to completely squelch all initiative, or to take all spontaneity and enthusiasm from children - but it IS NECESSARY TO TEACH HIM THEIR PROPER RELATIONSHIP TO THEIR ELDERS AND THEIR PARENTS!
Here is an opportunity to teach such balanced relationship. Teach your child he or she is a PASSENGER! Explain why you cant park in the place across the street, and then tell the child that when he is riding in the car he does not ever, under any circumstances assist in the guiding, driving and manipulation of that car! Tell him that Daddy is doing the driving - and that the boy is doing the riding! EXPLAIN it. It will be really GOOD for your children to realize YOU ARE IN CONTROL! Explain to you children they should be observant passengers - but passengers, nevertheless! As silent observers, they
can appraise the driving, they can watch their fathers actions at the wheel - but they should NEVER be permitted to presumptuously try to CONTROL those actions!
Make your children realize their status. Make them realize there are many things they can LEARN from their elders. Make them RESPECT those in authority over them! Treat them like CHILDREN - not equals!
What About CLOTHES and MANNERISMS?
Im sure you have seen little girls clopping along the street, wearing their mothers high-heeled shoes, or a big hat, and carrying a big purse, havent you? Surely youve seen little children try to mimic their parents habits, or their dress, and their mannerisms.
Perhaps this is harmless enough - and certainly not necessarily that which would warrant a spanking (unless, of course, the child has been forbidden to take such articles, or has on her mothers best things, and is being totally presumptuous and careless with them!) ... but it does illustrate a potential danger nevertheless!
Today, the trend seems to be a HURRY the "growing up" process in children. We want to HURRY the "growing up" process in children. We want to HURRY them into school, HURRY them into adult clothing styles. In turn, we see mere youths wanting HURRY into marriage - worried about a tottering civilization closing in on them, stripping from them the years of happiness they had envisioned is growing youths.
This is a trend! Clothiers and designers have helped it along by providing tiny replicas of ADULT-style clothing for little children! Youve heard it a hundred times! The grandparents, or the relatives, or the guests in the home would say, "WHY, hes a real little MAN!" as they exclaim in pleased tones about the complete little suit the toddler is wearing, replete with neckties, tie pin, and all the requirements of adult dress. Or, "My! What a BIG boy you are now!" they bemusedly exclaim to Johnnie as he strolls by in his adult-appearing clothing. Or, "My! What a regular little LADY!" they say of the little girl, wearing clothes styled just like mothers.
But no - they are not big men and ladies - they are LITTLE CHILDREN! It is RIGHT to compliment a child within reason (remember NOT to flatter or give a child a sense of VANITY about his appearance) - but NOT to imply he is OLDER than he is, more MATURE than he is, or that he is ANYTHING other the JUST WHAT HE IS A CHILD!
There is nothing EMBARRASSING about being a child! There is nothing WRONG with being a child! There is nothing SHAMEFUL about being a child! Let your little children be little children! DONT hasten them into adulthood too soon!
But dont go to the opposite extreme, and try to treat growing, strapping BIG boys and girls of early teens like LITTLE CHILDREN! Treat them JUST LIKE THEY ARE - as growing boys and girls in their teen , whose bodies are maturing, and whose MINDS still need a great deal of guidance and control!
No one needs to encourage a child to talk baby talk! But you certainly do not, in the beginning of his speech training, go to the opposite extreme, teaching him to talk like the head of the Supreme Court! DO NOT try to mold and shape your children merely for the sake of the vanity of the parents.
Now lets notice a few more examples of HOW to teach your children some of the vitally necessary habits they should learn to really BE in their correct status as children.
I remember one occasion when my son, Mark, who had behaved inconsiderately in the presence of guests, was taken to his room and placed in a chair. I placed him firmly in the chair, knelt down and told him, "Mark! You are to sit in this chair and not move until I speak to you - is that clear?" "Yes, sir!" he answered. I retired to the living room, and we continued our visiting. However, I forgot all about Mark, until over TWO HOURS LATER! I was deeply ashamed to having forgotten him, and, suddenly remembering I had not yet given him permission to move from the chair, rose hurriedly and went into his room. There he was - curled up in the easy chair - sound asleep! He had STAYED in that chair and gone to sleep - because he had not YET heard permission from me that the could arise.
One major pitfall with this particular habit which needs to be taught young children is this: many parents attempt to enforce such a habit ONLY when friends are visiting, or when in a public place. Parents try to get a child to sit still in church, for instance, who was NEVER made to sit still for any period of time during the other six days of the week! One problem many parents seem to face is that of having children who increasingly "act up" and put on their "very worst" only when GUESTS are present, or when they are in a public place!
Lets analyze this situation. It is entirely too late, at this juncture, to have a quiet and pleasant solution. Should you, then, in order to avoid embarrassment, let your child get away with his display of insolence? Certainly not! You should send him immediately to his own room, apply a firm spanking and put him to bed! Or, do whatever the circumstances warrant.
Notice what really lies behind such actions of a disobedient child.
"Where did the child get the idea he could do anything he pleased when discipline was hard to enforce? Search into the past and you will see. Extensive observation has shown me that parents who invariably cannot control their children on special occasions never REALLY control them at any time!" [Emphasis mine.] (As the Twig Is Bent, p. 38, Holman.)
Any parent who is making a constant display of spanking his children in public, in a restaurant, or in church while attempting to get the child to be quiet and sit still is merely advertising that the child has NEVER been taught to do these things at home. Teach your child to sit still at various times during the day for periods of five to ten minutes, or even longer! On occasion, have your child sit still, allowing him to look at a picture book, or color, or some similar pursuit, for as long as an hour or longer! In this way, you can begin to instill a vitally important habit in your child at a very early age.
Teach Your Child To Be Quiet
There are all sorts of the "grand-parent" - type of excuses for a childs NOT obeying his parents in sitting still. Young parents are told their children just "cant" be made to SIT STILL for long periods of time - that their little bodies are filled with energy, that they must fidget, squirm, change positions, jump and run almost constantly!
Dont believe it! Children can and SHOULD be trained how to SIT STILL in certain circumstances. Begin to TEACH THEM at home!
No child should be taught to be quiet all the time! Any child should have an opportunity to yell, to make various child-like noises, to laugh and to play boisterously with other children! However, unless you have taken the pains to teach your child to sit still and BE QUIET in the house on occasions BEFORE important guests come, or BEFORE you go to a restaurant to eat, or BEFORE you take the child to church - how can you expect him to learn the first time in such circumstances?
Such teaching takes concentration and real attention to duty on the part of the parent. The parent cannot give the child a command, and then dismiss the child and the circumstances from his mind - going on about his own pursuits. On many occasions, I have seen similar circumstances develop where parents will give the child a command to sit still and be quiet. However, because guests are present or the parent is watching an interesting TV show, or has his mind on other things, he soon forgets what he told his child to do - and the child, will to "try out" his parents to the absolute limit of their endurance - has long since gotten down from his chair and is now just as noisy, if not noisier, than he was before!
Teaching children should not merely be "keeping them out of your hair," "getting them out of your way," or "keeping them occupied!" Too many parents today, who, true to form as God has outlined in His Word, are "lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God," seem to regard their children as little house-apes" or a "ball and chain."
In order to teach your child any of these constructive habits - you will need to apply constant diligence and never-failing attention to duty! You simply CANNOT expect to have decent results if you just give your child instructions, and then forget all about the lesson - letting the child get down from the chair when he decides - put up his toys when he gets around to it - or begin to talk when you have told him to be quiet.
Dont Be a Liar to Your Child
If you tell your child you are going to spank, deprive him of privileges, or punish him in some other way for infraction of the rules - carry out your promise!
How can your child ever learn to trust anything you say - if you do not even carry out such simple promises?
Surely, if you have promised your child a trip to the zoo, a picnic or an outing, or some type of reward, the child is going to fully EXPECT you to be true to your word! In like fashion if you have promised your child a spanking or other due punishment as the result of an infraction, ALWAYS be faithful to your word - and carry it out!
For example: Father puts little Johnnie in a chair when guests are present and says, "Johnnie - sit still, and do not speak again or I will spank you!" After a few moments of conversation, the parent happens to notice that Johnnie is busy talking or making other noises. He looks at Johnnie warningly, with a ferocious scowl! Johnnie notices the look, and his talking or noisemaking subsides to a surprised whisper - and gradually diminishes altogether. The parent goes on talking with the guests, feeling the situation has been met, and that Johnnie has been silenced again. However, he is going to notice more and more frequent infractions - until, finally, he will have no control WHATEVER over Johnnie - unless she is true to his word - and ALWAYS spanks when he has promised such spanking!
There are thousands of parents today who "kid themselves" they are doing a perfectly wonderful job of child rearing! And yet, they almost NEVER tell their children only once - they almost NEVER spank their children after only one infraction - they almost NEVER follow up their instructions, carry out what they say or teach their children positive habits of obedience. To be sure, they DO spank their children. They do give their children plenty of orders and commands. But their inconsistencies, their broken promises, their simple neglect of the children is leading toward disaster.
In order to teach your child these basic RIGHT HABITS, you must do it unfailingly, persistently, diligently, consistently - or all your efforts will be of NO EFFECT!
SHOULD children actually be SEEN, and not heard? The surprising and perhaps "old-fashioned answer is YES! They should be seen and not heard unless their elders speak to them first. They SHOULD be taught to sit QUIETLY and OBEDIENTLY in a restaurant, on a bus, on an airplane, or WHENEVER TOLD to do so!
All in FUN!
Childish PLAY can be mighty serious! You can let seemingly
innocent "fun" DESTROY your children! Read,
in this chapter, what KIND of play is best, what KIND
of toys, and how childrens PLAY can be a vital part
of child training.
"BANG! BANG!" yells a little toddler, fully equipped with stetson hat, cowboy boots and chaps - waving two six-guns in the general direction of a playmate. "BANG! BANG!" shouts his playful opponent, bedecked with glittering two-guns holsters and badge.
Adults chuckle to themselves, as they see their little children imitating their favorite TV heroes - they dont see any harm in it - the boys are "just playing"
but what about childrens play? What KIND of games should children play? What kind of toys should they play, and with whom? Can play possibly be harmful? Can it be used as a teaching method?
First, lets answer the question about the most popular form of child play today, GUN-play!
"I Didnt Mean It!"
How many times have you read or heard of tragic accidents involving firearms?
How many of those times were those accidents involving children?
Perhaps you have heard of a great many - because they occur almost daily in one part of our nation or another. Little toddlers, barely able to walk, are fully equipped by naive parents with the very latest in todays largest selling toys - GUNS - and are busily pretending to kill one another!
In hundreds of cases, little children have been allowed freely to play with "toys" which are, in some cases, difficult to distinguish from the real thing. As a result, when playing with a real gun, they have SHOT their own brothers, sisters, playmates, or even their own parents!
Today there are thousands of different varieties of modern, gleaming, beautifully designed and fantastic electronic gadgets and toys available for children.
But perhaps no toy will excite the imagination of little toddlers (especially boys!) as a GUN!
Todays toy stores display dozens of models and varieties, all the way from a tiny replica of a cowboys six-shooter right up to a deadly looking submachine gun that "shoots real bullets!" Complete with some of these sets will even come electronic gadgets such as real-life targets in the shape of a MAN, which will fall over when struck , and then spring back to be shot at again!
And what a pity! What a pity it is that naive and gullible parents seemingly take for granted or carelessly assume whatever is manufactured and produced, and therefore offered for sale designed "for children," must be all right for their children to use!
Why the furor over guns? Simply because guns are not for children! One especially sickening example was that of a nine- or ten-year old boy who had been allowed to play with toy guns freely, and who was playing in the upstairs bedroom of his parents home while guests were visiting in the living room downstairs. The grandchild of one of the guests, a sweet, pretty little five-year-old girl, and a cousin of the boy upstairs, started to go upstairs to find out what her cousin was doing. However, the boy upstairs had found sever rifles in a closet, which were war trophies his father had brought home from overseas.
As the little girls head appeared at the top of the landing, the guests downstairs were startled out of their chairs by a loud roar, a series of sickening thumps, and were shocked to complete unbelief and incomprehension at the sight of what had once been a sweet, living five-year-old girl lying in a sickening huddle at the bottom of the stairs! She had been shot through the head!
"I didnt mean it!" sobbed the boy- "I WAS ONLY PLAYING!"
WHO really was the culprit in this case? The misguided boy who had been allowed to freely shoot at his playmates with toy guns all his life? The boy who didnt know a real gun from a toy one - who had never been taught about guns - and who had been allowed free access to his fathers guns? Or the parents, who in the first place had NEVER taught their child a healthy respect and fear for guns - their proper usage and proper place - and had never taught their child he should never point any kind of a gun at anyone under any circumstances at any time - the parents who had left loaded guns in the closet?
What about it?
Is it really right, by any stretch of the imagination, for a child to play with toy guns at any time?
Almighty God has contained as one of the primary principles of His inviolate and spiritual law "Thou shalt not KILL!" Jesus, when magnifying this law, said even waiting to kill, or pretending to kill, by entertaining a feeling of hate in your heart one toward another, was in direct violation of Gods law.
And yet you live in a time when parents are actively TEACHING their children to KILL and HATE - to break every principle of Gods sacred law while they are still little toddlers barely able to walk!
Children Like to Imitate
A great deal of space has already been consumed in this booklet regarding the habits of children in mimicking things they see and hear.
A great deal of time has also been spent on the tremendous pressures of a berserk modern society plunging on a greased slide toward its own oblivion! However, a good deal more needs to be said about the pressures of society from the comics, books, movies, and ESPECIALLY television!
Need it to be repeated here again that the "childrens hours" on television are truly some of the most monstrously frightening, hideously sadistic, ghastly shows to be found at any hour?
Surveys have been made to determine the number of shootings, knifings, strangulations, occurrences of rape, armed assaults, muggings, beatings, and other sadistic forms of torture, such as burning humans alive, grinding them to bits in machinery, or driving over them with speeding cars and trucks that appear during the "childrens hours." The results were shocking!
Even the cartoons - supposedly "harmless" short little skits that are apparently hilariously funny to children are not exempt from terribly damaging forms of violence!
In a cartoon, one character can be chasing another, shooting anything from a huge cannon to a small gun, and if the other character does not outrun the bullets, he apparently never suffers any ill effects. An explosion? Perhaps the cat is standing bereft of his fur, looking like a charred matchstick with a hideous expression on his face in one hilariously funny scene, but in the very next scene he is completely equipped with fur and a grin on his face again as he chases the mouses! He has apparently suffered no harm from being blown up!
From this little children "learn" that there is no real HARM in shooting a person, knifing a person, or even blowing him to bits in an explosion!
A little soldier, allowed to handle a gun in a store, turned and shot his mother in the stomach. A look of incredibility crossed his face when he saw the slowly spreading pool of blood, and the writhing body of his mother on the floor! He simply couldnt comprehend it! Hadnt "other people" in the TV shows and movies hed always seen gotten up and run about just as actively as before?
What about it? Do YOUR children play with guns? Do you allow your children to vicariously KILL one another and do it all "in fun?"
If you do - its time to take stock. Its time to think really seriously, and to think rightly in the light of the sacred word of God, about the play habits of your children!
Boy vs. Girl
"What are little boys made of?" went the old poem. Children are deeply impressed with the idea, practically from birth, that little boys are "devils," "monsters," and inherently evil - while little girls are "nice," "sweet," and inherently little angels!
Little boys are told they are made of dirt, snails, and even puppy dogs tails, while little girls are made of "sugar, spice and everything thats nice!"
Actually, this is nothing more than a childish fable-like replica of what Satan the Devil has been trying to do with and through womankind ever since the Garden of Eden!
The naive boy, growing up to mature adulthood, marries, and finally tells his son "Theres no use, son - youll never understand "em!" He means the boy must swallow the same old line that has been handed down for generations and centuries that there is something "mysterious," and incomprehensible about women!
Dont you believe it!
The only "mystery" of which the bible speaks surrounding women is the mystery of Babylon the Great, the great fallen women described in the seventeenth chapter of Revelation; It is the ancient Babylonian mysteries, coming right down into our society today in yet another guise, that of childhood fables, and the naive teaching of gullible parents.
Yet - surprising as it may sound - much of the play of children, and the toys that are provided for them, is bent toward accomplishing the same evil purpose of waging the age-old "battle of the sexes" even from the cradle!
At a very early age, children begin to be segregated by their parents, or their teachers.
Girls are told they "do not play that way or so rough as do the boys" and Normal children who would play happily together in active sports and games are instead instilled with a deep sense of the difference between the sexes at a very early age!
Thus - boys play with guns. Girls play with dolls. Whenever boys and girls play together it is either in the earliest years of their schooling (later, gym periods are segregated) or, when still of pre-school age, they play such games as "Mom and Dad," "Nurse" or "Keeping House!" These imaginative games of child fantasy seem harmless to most parents at first glance - and yet, little do they even begin to realize how children, forced into an unnatural type play activity by poor guidance, will begin to "imitate" parents - even beginning sex experimentation as a direct result of this type play!
Children should NOT be permitted to "play house" or "doctor and nurse," or any other type games where they are building little makeshift houses, tents, or using garages, barns, or other enclosures. They should NOT be permitted to "pretend" they are ADULTS - playing games in and ADULT - like fashion, IN AN INTIMATE ENCLOSURE, where parents cannot check up on them from time to time.
Lets really UNDERSTAND this principle.
Is it RIGHT for children to PRETEND?
But they will just NATURALLY pretend ..." some will reason.
Yes - they certainly will! Just "NATURALLY" pretend to BE A PERSONALITY, A CHARACTER, and INDIVIDUAL, they are not! And why? Simply because they have never been taught NOT to pretend!
Never forget pretense is a WRONG PRINCIPLE! It is hypocrisy, untruth, falsehood, a sham and a mockery. It is NOT truth - but PRETENSE! Many parents, victimized by the TREMENDOUS pressures of this berserk society, whose minds are thoroughly calloused with childhood myths, fairy tales, enlarged and falsified "nighttime stories" from their parents - would JUSTIFY their children living in utter DAYDREAMING PRETENSE!
But the Devil is the great pretender! His false MINISTERS PRETEND to be something they are not! (II Cor. 11:13-15). He is the author and beginner of lies (John 8:44), including CHILDRENS FAIRY TALES!
These tales themselves are sometimes the MOST HIDEOUSLY GRUESOME of any stories imaginable.
Remember, however, there is a difference between a child "pretending" the airplane he is playing with is a REAL airplane, holding it in his hand, making noises like an airplane - and pretending to be a DIFFERENCE PERSONALITY THAN HE REALLY IS!
There is a DIFFERENCE between a little girl pretending her doll house in her own home, that her little toys are REAL - and the little girl herself being a totally different personality!
There are many dangers inherent in allowing children to PRETEND, without careful parental knowledge and guidance! DO NOT permit your children to pretend they are "just like mommy and daddy," and begin to get off by themselves, where the parents do not know what they are doing.
Teach your children to play healthful, sensible, out-of-doors games wherever circumstances and weather permit! Kick ball, softball, hid-and-seek, tag, hop-scotch, back-yard basketball, these are just a few of the dozens of healthful outdoors activities, not to mention the many, many games children will develop among themselves.
Teach them they are NOT adults - but little children - and that they should BE just what they are!
Many parents try to force their children out of the childs age as soon as possible. They want them to act more "grown-ups" and talk more "grownup." Therefore, many parents fully approve of their children playing more "grown-up" type games.
Left to themselves (at least as to choice of playmates) boys and girls would play with no self-consciousness together in MANY really beneficial, and really interesting type games. They would remain, for many years, and even up until beginning into puberty, in an open acceptance of each other, and in somewhat blissful ignorance of any sense of GREAT DIFFERENCE in them - with girls enjoying the soft-ball game just as much as boys; racing together, playing "tag" together, and engaging in dozens of the active, healthful, out-of-door type of sports and games for children.
However, when children are inescapably made aware of supposed basic psychological differences at a very early age, it leads toward completely false and harmful concepts toward members of the opposite sex.
Boys become "afraid" around girls - and girls become "shy" around boys. Why? Yes - why, when in large family after family with several children of both sexes, children play in many active, beneficial games together with a selfless enthusiasm, with complete spontaneity, and with a total lack of any feeling of "difference" between them.
It is only by adults trying to make adults out of children that many harmful attitudes are developed.
What ARE the Real Differences?
There really are differences, of course! But those differences are purely PHYSIOLOGICAL. They are in the physiological make-up and muscular development, rather than really deep emotional and psychological differences! Lets understand! It is only when children have been made aware of some fabled "mystery" about the opposite sex that they become apprehensive of it.
Normally innocent childish PLAY becomes, instead of open, friendly, enthusiastic and carefree enjoyment, and INTRIGUE! It becomes burdened with wonderment, with fears and embarrassment, and with a natural desire to SATISFY CURIOSITY!
Make no mistake! FAR from being a mere punctuation mark in the day of a child, his play periods (and the younger he is, the more heightened is the intensity of it) are, to him, the most important part of his day!
A child will reveal himself in his play. His inner motives - his attitudes about his parents, his friends, toward many situations will spontaneously burst forth - while hes playing!
Thats why it is so important to GUIDE your children in HOW to play, in WHAT they play with, and with WHOM they play, and WHERE!
If there is a truly normal, natural, and GOD-LIKE attitude toward the sexes in the home, and if the parents realize that children should be CHILDREN, and are not trying to force a little girl to be a "lady" or a mature woman, or a little boy to be a "big man," then the children will play happily together in a really healthy, wholesome attitude.
WHAT KIND OF PLAY?
But lets get down to cases. What KIND of play should your children engage in?
Lets speak plainly! It is, believe it or not - and shocking though, it may sound to many of us in this "modern world" - an ABOMINATION in Gods sight to see little children playing WAR! To see a little child pointing ANYTHING, whether real gun, toy replica, or a simple piece of wood he pick up, at another person, and pretending to shoot him is a heinous SIN! Its WRONG! It should be STOPPED by parents who have any sense of love and responsibility toward their children!
Further, the source of such play, such as the TV and magazines that inspire it should be removed! Then, the parents should really EXPLAIN Gods principles regarding killing. They should really impress upon the child the deadly SERIOUSNESS of ever even playfully PRETENDING to point a gun at someone!
Then, AFTER ample instruction and guidance, infractions should be punished. The lesson must be learned!
There are hundreds of varieties of play THINGS being manufactured today. Perhaps it is not always true, but truly the greatest enjoyment a child seems to experience comes from play - NOT just with "things" but with OTHER CHILDREN! Therefore, the group type games are certainly to be desired. There is not space to name all the games, or the various toys and manufactured articles available for childrens play - but lets understand the underlying principles!
God is not the author of CONFUSION (I Cor. 14:33). Satan the Devil is! Remember, then, that the carnal tendency in children will naturally tend toward confusion, toward garrulousness, toward destruction!
Certainly children will break things, make mistakes, become confused. But the type play in which they indulge should be ORDERLY! It should make sense. It should have an object to it and not merely be aimless wanderings, and hideous noises!
Notice! How often have you observed children laughing in a silly fashion or making noises that are excessive? Noises that are not CONTROLLED, that are "silly" and that lead toward nervous, upset, CONFUSION? Perhaps you have not given it much thought before but trivial as it may seem to some, this is another very important opportunity to teach your children a lasting lesson!
Let them know its good to express themselves - to laugh loudly, openly, freely! Its GOOD to be ENTHUSIASTIC about their play! But even for children - it is NOT good to be in CONFUSION, to be "silly" or to be making hideous, uncontrollable noises!
Remember, God says "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Prov. 22:15).
So remember to encourage your children to play in a manner that is orderly. Play orderly games - games with RULES to be followed, such as hide-and-seek, tag, and numerous others which children invent themselves!
The kind of play should be CONstructive. It should be ORDERLY. It should be beneficial both to the childs mind and his body. It should never be DANGEROUS, and it should NEVER BE UNSUPERVISED.
WHEN Should Children Be Left To Themselves?
Some parents reason children need a time when they can get "off by themselves!" But do they, really?
Most assume the PLAY period is the time when children get together BY THEMSELVES! It is a "sacred" kind of "childrens hour" in which adults are not to interfere!
Not true! There is NEVER a time when a child should be LEFT TO HIMSELF!
Notice it. "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (Prov. 29:15).
When a child is PLAYING is when he will evidence traits of selfishness, of vanity, of "foolishness" and other traits which should be corrected. It is only when the parent can observe, guide, and really control even the childs PLAY that the parent can be AWARE of certain problems, or certain areas in which his (the parents) training has been deficient!
Athletic directors are conscious of the fact that the heat of vigorous sports and games, especially the competitive ones, will quickly reveal basic attitudes. A person with NO BASIC DRIVE with a lack of real ZEAL in tackling his problems will inevitably show that lack, and show it PLAINLY in sports, and games.
So it is with children.
Basic traits of selfishness which may never be seen over the dinner table will be observed readily in childrens play.
Nearly all childs games are at least mildly competitive. It is in the spirit of RIGHT competition, the kind where one player does not PREVENT the other from doing his best, that many really GOOD and constructive habits can be taught.
Realizing, then, that simple PLAY can be a very valuable method of TEACHING your children should not simply be turned out of doors, and left to fend for themselves!
This is perhaps one of the greatest infractions of good child-rearing principles!
Of course a parent cannot "watch" a child CONSTANTLY! But supervision does not mean merely watching constantly - it means starting their play in the right direction - it means instructing in where to play, how to play, with whom to play, and when to quit playing. It means have the parent look in on the children form time to time during their play - it means CHECKING UP on them frequently.
But, sad to say, there are millions upon millions of children learning abominable practices today, because instead of really supervised play, they are merely "turned out to pasture" like any animal! Their parents dont know WHERE THEY ARE during major portions of the day or night. They dont know WITH WHOM they are, or WHAT they are doing!
No - even in PLAY, a child should never be left to himself!
Is Play Only for Children?
Another false concept is that childrens play cannot be encroached up by adults!
Misguided psychologists assume children want to get away from their parents - that they wish "Daddy wouldnt interfere" in their games.
This is simply untrue! Children should be able to play, and play OFTEN with their own parents!
The father who will frolic with his children, play hid-and-seek with them, run with them, play catch and various forms of ball with them, will find his children really LOVE to play with "Dad"! Not ALL the time, or to the exclusion of other children their own age, of course - but from time to time, they will actually CHOOSE to play with their parents instead of children their own age!
Parents should not play like children. They should not descend in dignity. But they certainly SHOULD play with their children. Theyll find their children will love them even more for it.
When is the time for Dad to play with his children? Well - certainly not by calling them home from the middle of an interesting game with a few neighbor children (IF all other considerations are normal, such as type games, type children, etc.).
The time should be spontaneous - whenever Dad really feels like it - and when he wants to enjoy playing with his children, not just fulfill a "duty" toward them, and it should be often!
WHERE Should Children Play?
Thousands of parents do not know where their children play during the day. They could be on the railroad tracks, on a raft in the river, on the parapet of high building, or in the street, for all the parents know.
Can we get the point? Children should play in an area where their parents can supervise them, an area that is CLOSE to their home, or, if farther away, a completely SAFE area, and one that is supervised by competent personal, such as playground managers, teachers, or other responsible adults.
Too often, the child comes home tired from play, and Mother asks, "Where WERE you all afternoon?" the child gives half an answer, and the mother seems satisfied.
Probably, the child was with neighbor children - and so "Mom" assumes all is well.
Bu is it really? WHERE was the child playing? Was it in an area conducive to wholesome, healthy, orderly game and sports? Or was it in an area, and with the type of children, that would result in serious trouble?
If children want to go to a public park or playground, the parents should accompany them there the first time, LOOK OVER the area, and instruct the children on HOW to play there. The child should never be allowed to play there alone, or even with a group of children, unless the play area is supervised by responsible personnel the parent KNOWS!
How many kidnappings, with sadistic, bestial SEX crimes have there been lately, involving little children, who were allowed to BE OUT ON THEIR OWN, away from their parents, in a public area? What a tragedy! Make sure it doesnt happen to YOUR child. KNOW where he is playing at all times!
WITH WHOM Should Children Play?
Your child should play with children whose parents you KNOW, or else with other school children AT SCHOOL, and in supervised areas at specified times!
When it is purely "neighborhood" children with whom your child wants to play - you should make it a point to KNOW the other children. KNOW their parents. Know something of their moral character, and their principles.
Many people are VERY CAREFUL about the kind of DOGS their favorite purebred pet is around, but they will indiscriminately allow their precious children to play with practically ANYONE - in a place they know not where!
If your child wants to go to the neighbors yard to play - let him - IF you know the neighbors, you KNOW their children, and you KNOW the area in which theyll be playing!
And then, ONLY IF YOU KNOW THE PARENTS OF THE OTHER CHILD WILL BE SUPERVISING THEIR PLAY!
If you do NOT know these things - then invite the neighbor children to YOUR yard!
Its a whole lot safer!
Why not be careful with YOUR children - and know where they are, and what theyre doing - and know the same things about the neighbors children as well, rather than be in ignorance of the whole thing?
We all know that MOST children learn MOST of what they supposedly "know" about the "facts of life" from OTHER CHILDREN of slightly older age!
Why? Simply because they are indiscriminately allowed to be in areas, and with the type children, where they have access to smut, and sex experimentation. What a shameful pity to see the twisted pervert peddle this pornography, his heinous habit of DOPE ADDICTION - right on the high-school grounds in our United States - and parents finding their children are PERVERTED, or DOPE addicts, barely in their teens!
Can we understand? PROTECT your children. Dont be "overprotective" to the point of suppressing ALL independence as they gradually grow and become capable of being a little more self-reliant. But dont go to the other extreme, and leave them to shift for themselves in a rotten, hideous jungle of a society filled with terrifying horrors unrealized in your worst nightmares!
In summary, then, begin to look upon your childs PLAY period as a VITAL PART OF HIS TRAINING!
USE the play times to teach valuable lessons. Teach unselfishness, sportsmanship, cleanliness, orderliness, self-reliance (with special emphasis on reliance on GOD over self!) and real dependability!
Get your children interested in constructive crafts and hobbies as they grow.
Help them to becomeinterested in animals and wildlife. Help them to become interested in growing things - in the helpful, constructive, interesting activities that are in every way Upbuilding, and not just whiling away time!
Then, WATCH your children play. Frequently, theyll want to show you some new things theyve learned - whether how to throw a ball or how to play hopscotch - and YOU will learn more about your children, and youll learn even more about where they need your help and instruction!
Train Your ChildrenTOGETHER!
Upside-down homes with mother in control, no
cooperation between parents are some of the greatest
handicaps to proper child training - and a direct source
of juvenile delinquency! Read, in this last chapter, how
to train your children TOGETHER!
IS A HEINOUS crime for one parent to nullify the instructions of the other - or to "take up for a child" because it is felt that the other parent is dealing too harshly with him.
If the mother feels the father is spanking too hard, and begins to loudly say so - in front of the child - it will result in a sense of inner conflict within the child, and begin to set the stage for the childs future habits of using one parent against the other to get his own way!
If the father does all the punishing - this will be an automatic risk! Therefore, the parents should co-operate fully in the positive teaching and training of the child, and also, in the disciplining. The father should certainly take the lead - doing the heavy share of the disciplining. However, in many homes, where the father is at work during most of the daylight hours, and the mother is with the children of pre-school age during the day, it is the mother who will have to do the bulk of the punishing during those hours.
A father who knows spanking is Gods method of discipline, and should be used in a loving and proper manner, and a mother who is against spanking, and never uses it, is a disastrous combination for child rearing!
Never Be at Cross Purposes
If parents are at cross proposes with one another in teaching and training their children - it would be far better if no children had ever been born into such a family! The children would have less chance than the proverbial "hoot in a whirlwind" for growing up to be obedient, respectful, morally and emotionally stable!
In all the examples of teaching and discipline already given in this booklet, each parent should follow the exact same procedures, together! Oftentimes, both parents can share in the same period of instruction. For example: If the father gives Johnnie a command to pick up his toys, the mother could follow the command immediately with saying "Johnnie, as soon as you finish obeying your father in picking up your toys, come here to the kitchen - I have something for you to do!" In this way, the mother acknowledges the fathers priority, driving home the lesson that the fathers command should be first obeyed - and then enforces upon the mind of the child that she too is to be obeyed with equal dispatch!
Never Take Sides
Lets assume the father really is spanking just a little too hard.
What should the wife do? Should she reprimand her husband, attempt to INTERVENE in his handling of the problem? This is NOT to say, remember, that a case of actual abuse or child beating is taking place - but the right, loving, understanding and God-given WAY of disciplining children!
The answer should be obvious! There is NEVER a time for the mother to openly disagree with, disapprove of or show contempt for the teaching or discipline of the father.
Some women will disagree with that statement. But they disagree with their CREATOR if they do! It is an ABOMINATION in the sight of God for a wife to rebuke a husband.
What, then, is she to do? Suppose shes right - suppose father really IS spanking a little harder than he should?
Then the mother should wait until LATER - wait until she is alone with her husband, and discuss the matter.
The child will NOT suffer any injury if the discipline is not really overly sever. He would suffer far worse injury to his permanent CHARACTER if he saw his mother shrilly accusing his father, and taking sides! It would be one of the most DAMAGING things she could do to her child - FAR more damaging, believe it or NOT, that THE LOSS OF A MEMBER OF THE BODY!
A one-armed man with real spiritual wisdom and CHARACTER is better off than a criminal with two arms.
Can we get the point? Almighty God is the Designer and Originator of the home! He has laid down certain spiritual LAWS to be followed for the success of that home! When those laws are broken the home will suffer the automatic penalties.
NEVER take sides with your child against your mate.
NEVER try to countermand an order given by the other parent - whether that order is RIGHT OR WRONG!
If mother tells daughter she cant have ice cream for dessert, and father countermands mothers decision - father is guilty of taking sides. He has hurt his daughter, his wife, and himself, more than he begins to realize.
The simple answer, to avoid taking sides, is to talk things over. KNOW how you intend dealing with your children under specific situations. KNOW each other better. CO-OPERATE with one another in rearing your children.
Be a Family Unit
whats happened to our family life? In looking around Pasadena for a large ice cream freezer, I entered a local hardware store. I asked an elderly gentleman in attendance for a 2 ½ gallon hand ice cream freezer. He said he had none - and was surprised that I would ask for one of such bulk. I looked over the stock that he had, and finally settled for a gallon and a half size.
He asked me what I was going to do with such a large size - and I began to explain how I cam from a fairly large family, and my wife is one of eight children. We have many in-laws and many other friends, and frequently get together for some backyard outings, dinners, and make some homemade ice cream.
His eyes literally filled with tears - and he informed me this was "simply wonderful!" He said he was from Iowa, and he thought the times had passed when big families got together as a family unit in occasions of this kind!
Do things together - as a family. That is as much a part of teaching and training children as any one of those already outlined. If more families would go on outdoor hikes, picnics, swimming parties and the like, they would experience greater feeling of love and a real sense of purpose in their lives together.
The father who takes his children, whether boy or girl fishing and hunting, on field trips and outings, has a tremendous implement in his hands for proper child rearing.
The mother who takes her daughter grocery shopping, teacher her to cook and to sew, has her help with the serving and preparation of lunches and family outings, is also using a wonderful tool for proper child training.
Only if you, as a family, are willing to OBEY THE LAWS OF YOUR CREATOR - putting your family right side up can you expect to succeed in your goal of rearing children of real character.
What if one Parent Is Missing?
As already state - youre working under a big handicap if one parent is missing.
But its not so big you cant overcome it with a little thought and wisdom, and a lot of patience.
Lets assume the mother (since this seems to be the most general case) is trying to rear her children without a husband present. Perhaps there has been a separation, a divorce, or even a death.
She ought to realize, then, that the basic environment which God DESIGNED for the home is missing. She ought to take whatever steps possible to remedy that lack - where those steps are right and good.
What if you have growing sons, and they have no father to be with them, to give them of his masculine personality, his male interests and ways of doing things, his discipline?
You should use real wisdom. THINK about your situation. Do you know of some of the close friends of your children? Do you know their parents? Is it possible for the father of a neighbor boy to INCLUDE your boys on an outing just once in a while?
What about the local YMCA? They have arts and crafts classes, swimming classes and the like which are USUALLY (but be might careful to make sure) run by a competent man in the field.
What about summer camp? Ever think of sending your boys to one of the many healthful, wholesome camps where rigorous outdoor activities are offered?
And, finally, what about being a little more active yourself? Get interested in some of the activities, sports, hobbies that would appeal to either sex. DONT run the risk of letting boys become "mother-dominated" or begin to mimic or unconsciously take on only feminine characteristics!
Take them hiking where possible, with groups of friends where you, their mother, are along. Take them picnicking, bicycling, horseback riding, swimming. These are activities that MANY men AND women enjoy with equal relish.
LOOK AROUND at your environment and your locality. Look at your home-life. Do you spend too much time looking at TV? Too much time with other women? Do you spend time feeling sorry for yourself instead of being really absorbed in rearing your children properly?
Can you improve your situation? Are you able to remarry, according to Gods laws? Based upon a right knowledge of marriage, is there any chance for a reconciliation with the father of your children? THINK about it. REALIZE what a handicap it is to attempt rearing children without a father around! PRAY about it - asking God to HELP you solve the problem.
Its time to WAKE UP! Its time to realize our very NATION is being indicted of Almighty God for our NATIONAL CRIMES AND SINS! We have sinned grievously against your youth!
We are sacrificing our own CHILDREN on the altar of lust, selfishness and vanity!
Apply These Principles!
Remember! Knowledge is of NO VALUE - except as it is APPLIED! Passive agreement with what you have read will accomplish absolutely nothing. Clinging to your own ideas - simply because some of the truths in this booklet sound a little STRONG to you - will be a pitiful mistake against your children! These are NOT just a mans "ideas," or a NEW "philosophy," or yet another book on "child psychology" to be taken lightly, or discarded because of human opinions to the contrary - but the real TRUTH, right from your Bible, the HOLY WORD OF GOD, about child rearing.
For the sake of your children in the terrifying days just ahead, you should be completely hones with yourself! Read this booklet SEVERAL TIMES, if need be, KEEP it as a guide, and a manual - refer to it whenever a special problem arises which may be covered here in principle!
May God give you the wisdom and judgment, the patience and the love you will need to guide you in the most important responsibility of life - rearing your children!
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